(no subject)
December 6th, 2005. I am aware that the date is posted above the entry, but I feel a desire to make this an official journal entry. It has been nearly a semester since my arrival at this city, at this university, and it is easy to say that I am quite pleased of my choice of destination. It is not so easy though to say that much, to my dismay, has changed, but I shall come back to that later in this entry. Let me now, to start, discuss the course of this semester, my experiences, and my.....trials, in a relatively short manner.
I am, for those who read myspace, a composition major, taking two composition courses; one general, and one electronic. My general composition class is most challenging, perhaps the most challenging of all my classes, due to the fact that, not only am I now learning to write in an Atonal, non-diatonic fashion, my compositions must be hand-written as well, which can be quite tedious. There are only 4 students, including myself, in that class, which is most fortunate for our professor to pay extra individual attention to each of us and our writing. My electronic class is my most favorite of all my classes. Learning how to use various types of complex equipment to produce art is a pleasurable treat to my audible senses. My Intro-to-Electronic Music class is my 3rd favorite. My music advisor had mistakenly placed me in both intro-to-electronic and electronic, but by my professor's consent, so long as I pass my intro class, I get to stay in electronic and take the second course next semester.
I am ever surprised on how quickly this half of year has passed. So many changes in so little time....
I myself have changed. As my apprehensions towards mind alteration, whether it be natural or artificial, has dwindled, I came up with enough courage to undergo a hallucinagenic experience. In this 8 hour mind-fuck, I took a radical journey into the depths of my own being; a journey that was destined for me to take. Due to the fact that there is no time, that time does not exist, there are significant points in our lives that, for the open minded, have been marked. Once we cross these points, we get the well knowingly de ja vu. In my complete year of spiritual growth and spiritual research, I have resultingly expanded my mind to planes of understanding that I never thought existed. Therefore, my de ja vu experiences have become more and more frequent. The visions I witnessed in my chemically altered state were far too familiar and it can only be concluded that these visions I had seen long ago when I was a child, perhaps at the age of 2. I specify this age because it is that age that to this day I can still remember the first vision I had ever witnessed; a room filled with white light, housing thousands of individuals whoses faces I would see later in life. It is that vision that I always refer to when I meet a familiar stranger. And it was that hallucinagenic experience that I concluded through not logic, but sense, that God exists. With that, I continue my search for the truth, expanding my spiritual intellect.
Well, as I promised, I would like to discuss the...trials that have been set upon me just so recently.
Hmm....I am beset by the ironies of my life. I have concluded that these ironies only exist...because I sense them so well. Yin and Yang, my friends. There is no action, without reaction. And though I know and practically worship that fundamental concept of karma, I have, however, ignored my actions this semesester. It is such actions that have drove the one person that met most to me away. I had my breakdown point, and then I had to accept my karma.....to save my sanity.
hmm....life increasingly surprises me, though not enough to not know what is going on cosmically. I often refer to my DREAM that I had the day I recieved the Call from my doctor. I am going on my 2nd and a half year of recovery from my cancer, and as those years have gone by, that Dream has become more and more clear to me. The man with the pick-axe, who came to kill me and my lover, our relationship; that man was me. In that Dream, I had killed that man, killed my anger, and the following day, I left the city on a small boat. Only...I can't remember if she went with me or not....
That Dream has manifested into these 2 and a half years. But the Dream has not manifested completely yet, for it was just recently, just several days ago, that I had finally killed my anger. But I have not left the city yet. It is still undetermined, the very end of my Dream, whether she went with me or not.
.....I pray that she did.....
I am, for those who read myspace, a composition major, taking two composition courses; one general, and one electronic. My general composition class is most challenging, perhaps the most challenging of all my classes, due to the fact that, not only am I now learning to write in an Atonal, non-diatonic fashion, my compositions must be hand-written as well, which can be quite tedious. There are only 4 students, including myself, in that class, which is most fortunate for our professor to pay extra individual attention to each of us and our writing. My electronic class is my most favorite of all my classes. Learning how to use various types of complex equipment to produce art is a pleasurable treat to my audible senses. My Intro-to-Electronic Music class is my 3rd favorite. My music advisor had mistakenly placed me in both intro-to-electronic and electronic, but by my professor's consent, so long as I pass my intro class, I get to stay in electronic and take the second course next semester.
I am ever surprised on how quickly this half of year has passed. So many changes in so little time....
I myself have changed. As my apprehensions towards mind alteration, whether it be natural or artificial, has dwindled, I came up with enough courage to undergo a hallucinagenic experience. In this 8 hour mind-fuck, I took a radical journey into the depths of my own being; a journey that was destined for me to take. Due to the fact that there is no time, that time does not exist, there are significant points in our lives that, for the open minded, have been marked. Once we cross these points, we get the well knowingly de ja vu. In my complete year of spiritual growth and spiritual research, I have resultingly expanded my mind to planes of understanding that I never thought existed. Therefore, my de ja vu experiences have become more and more frequent. The visions I witnessed in my chemically altered state were far too familiar and it can only be concluded that these visions I had seen long ago when I was a child, perhaps at the age of 2. I specify this age because it is that age that to this day I can still remember the first vision I had ever witnessed; a room filled with white light, housing thousands of individuals whoses faces I would see later in life. It is that vision that I always refer to when I meet a familiar stranger. And it was that hallucinagenic experience that I concluded through not logic, but sense, that God exists. With that, I continue my search for the truth, expanding my spiritual intellect.
Well, as I promised, I would like to discuss the...trials that have been set upon me just so recently.
Hmm....I am beset by the ironies of my life. I have concluded that these ironies only exist...because I sense them so well. Yin and Yang, my friends. There is no action, without reaction. And though I know and practically worship that fundamental concept of karma, I have, however, ignored my actions this semesester. It is such actions that have drove the one person that met most to me away. I had my breakdown point, and then I had to accept my karma.....to save my sanity.
hmm....life increasingly surprises me, though not enough to not know what is going on cosmically. I often refer to my DREAM that I had the day I recieved the Call from my doctor. I am going on my 2nd and a half year of recovery from my cancer, and as those years have gone by, that Dream has become more and more clear to me. The man with the pick-axe, who came to kill me and my lover, our relationship; that man was me. In that Dream, I had killed that man, killed my anger, and the following day, I left the city on a small boat. Only...I can't remember if she went with me or not....
That Dream has manifested into these 2 and a half years. But the Dream has not manifested completely yet, for it was just recently, just several days ago, that I had finally killed my anger. But I have not left the city yet. It is still undetermined, the very end of my Dream, whether she went with me or not.
.....I pray that she did.....