(no subject)
im so tired. Im so tired. I am so tired. I am so tired. sigh. why does it hurt so much to change? why is it always an excruciating pain to tear from the cocoon? why must everything be in chaos so that order can be found? why must it hurt so? why can't i stand my ground? why cant i be strong? why cant i do what i want to do and be happy with it? why must i care so much? why must caring hurt so much? why must caring be a downfall? i want to cry, but im so tired of crying. Im so tired of showing weakness. Im so tired of Trish seeing weakness in me. Im so tired of it all. I should be excited, but im terrified. Im afraid of failing. Im afraid of losing. Im afraid of returning. I want to move on. I want to move on and never turn back. I dont ever want to come back here. I dont ever want to live here again. I dont ever want to live in this house again. I am growing while this house is shrinking. These walls are closing in on me. Its suffocating me. Its hard to breathe in this house. I want to be happy. I want my life back. I want to be me as i am inside. I do not want anger. I do not want pity. I do not want weakness. I do not want it anymore. I want it to go away. I want it to all go away. I just want to start anew. I want a clean slate. I want a clean slate. I want a clean slate. I want a clean slate. No past. Only present. No past. Only present. NO PAST! ONLY PRESENT!!
Sigh....
Sigh....