(no subject)
Its troubling me so much lately I have to blog about it. I can't blog about it on blogspot because people are reading it. This has been dead for a while so its a good way to release my pent up thoughts.
I used to be pretty close to A. I was happy spending time with A, hanging out etc etc. But things just died down slowly one day and never went back to what it used to. I never got what I wanted and you know, humans being humans, always want things which we can't get. So yes, A is really my type. In my 22 years, he probably was one of the best of my type that existed so far. I know I should stop thinking about A but I just cant! Its getting so bad lately that started having nightmares of him and another random girl! And I don't think its the first time. Feels like im getting obsessed and psychotic. I know! But I can't help it. Sad to say, A has been popping out in my mind too frequently its gonna drive me nuts soon. Just today, I saw his picture in an old issue of Nuyou and read the lil write up about him and like the sweetest thing hes done for a girl. According to the magazine (which might be made up), the sweetest thing hes done was probably give the girl 200 roses, brought her to some hill top and drink wine and enjoy the breeze. Im sure he did that in Aussie judging from the large amount of time he spent there. But after reading it, I was like... damn sad. Because I wasn't and never got the chance to be that one. He has told me snippets of his past which left me wanting him even more. Because those were the things I always wanted and I knew it was within his capabilities and are things that he would wanna do willingly. Maybe not for me, but for the girl he loves. Im secretly very jealous of the girl he was supposed to marry. Secretly upset that I wasn't the one he would wanna try out with. And even secretly disappointed that I just let someone I really wanted slip by. If only I didnt try too hard trying to hold on to something I really treasure, things might have turned out differently. Right now, Im in no position to say anything. Ive got B stuck in Milan and I know he loves and treasures me. Its wrong of me to have A stuck in my mind all the time but I am human and I can't help it!!! If you asked me if Im totally over A, I won't say I am. But I can say I've accepted reality that whats gone is gone. Im upset its gone and probably have to snap out of it. Im not being emo and upset over A because B is in Milan, but because all along, I probably never got A out of my mind. Its sad but Im not sure if I want a turn of events. I blame the age, blame my jobless-ness, blame my childish and my incompleteness. Its like how he used to tell me stuff about his office politics and alll and everything shitty that happens in the office, I wanna tell him about it too. There was some rough thingy going on for awhile which became such a WOAH event for awhile. Good things its all good and settled now. Thinking about it now, its like Im trying so hard to level up to his level which is really sad actually. Makes me seem like Im trying too hard to be something Im not. I need a man to have a quality that I can look up to, otherwise, no promises on what the future holds. What can I look up to B to? Hmmm......
I used to be pretty close to A. I was happy spending time with A, hanging out etc etc. But things just died down slowly one day and never went back to what it used to. I never got what I wanted and you know, humans being humans, always want things which we can't get. So yes, A is really my type. In my 22 years, he probably was one of the best of my type that existed so far. I know I should stop thinking about A but I just cant! Its getting so bad lately that started having nightmares of him and another random girl! And I don't think its the first time. Feels like im getting obsessed and psychotic. I know! But I can't help it. Sad to say, A has been popping out in my mind too frequently its gonna drive me nuts soon. Just today, I saw his picture in an old issue of Nuyou and read the lil write up about him and like the sweetest thing hes done for a girl. According to the magazine (which might be made up), the sweetest thing hes done was probably give the girl 200 roses, brought her to some hill top and drink wine and enjoy the breeze. Im sure he did that in Aussie judging from the large amount of time he spent there. But after reading it, I was like... damn sad. Because I wasn't and never got the chance to be that one. He has told me snippets of his past which left me wanting him even more. Because those were the things I always wanted and I knew it was within his capabilities and are things that he would wanna do willingly. Maybe not for me, but for the girl he loves. Im secretly very jealous of the girl he was supposed to marry. Secretly upset that I wasn't the one he would wanna try out with. And even secretly disappointed that I just let someone I really wanted slip by. If only I didnt try too hard trying to hold on to something I really treasure, things might have turned out differently. Right now, Im in no position to say anything. Ive got B stuck in Milan and I know he loves and treasures me. Its wrong of me to have A stuck in my mind all the time but I am human and I can't help it!!! If you asked me if Im totally over A, I won't say I am. But I can say I've accepted reality that whats gone is gone. Im upset its gone and probably have to snap out of it. Im not being emo and upset over A because B is in Milan, but because all along, I probably never got A out of my mind. Its sad but Im not sure if I want a turn of events. I blame the age, blame my jobless-ness, blame my childish and my incompleteness. Its like how he used to tell me stuff about his office politics and alll and everything shitty that happens in the office, I wanna tell him about it too. There was some rough thingy going on for awhile which became such a WOAH event for awhile. Good things its all good and settled now. Thinking about it now, its like Im trying so hard to level up to his level which is really sad actually. Makes me seem like Im trying too hard to be something Im not. I need a man to have a quality that I can look up to, otherwise, no promises on what the future holds. What can I look up to B to? Hmmm......