YOU NEED TO STFU AND GTFO IMHO
And if you understood that, I <3 you.
Anyway, Nate got on last night around 9 o clock, then left, then got back on around 9:45. I was supposed to go to bed at 10, but I really had to talk to him about the whole mixed messages thing. So we stayed up til 11 talking about it, before I was like "You know, I REALLY have to go to bed." I laughed, I cried, but mostly I cried. I was originally HOPING he would've said "I'm sorry I was sending mixed messages, but what I'm really trying to portray is how much I like you". And while that's partially what he said, mostly what he said was that he liked me, but not that much yet, and he didn't want to do anything because of the distance and he pretty much gave me mixed messages while trying to tell me why he was giving me mixed messages. So now I'm even more confused than before.
He said that he would try to be online more, but surprise surprise he hasn't been on at all today. I think I'll e-mail him in a few minutes. Just tell him how my day went and such. He says I'm amazing and he's never met anyone as great as me, but yet he doesn't want to get close to me. Can someone explain that? *shakes head*
So today I got up at 6:15 or so, got dressed, then at about 7:00, my mom and I left. We got there at 9:00, it only took 2 hours, even though we were expecting it to take the great part of 3. So that gave us time to kind of look around before our meeting with the Admissions counsellor. Talked with Sylvia from 9:45 until 10:30, then we went on a tour of campus until 11:45. The campus is BEAUTIFUL, let me just say. My mom, of all the beautiful things on campus, loved the FITNESS center the most. *rolls eyes* go fig. So then at noon we went to the Kirkoff center, where Marie was for lunch cause she was at the scholarship competition. The same building the bookstore was in, so I got Jill a sweater, and me a sweater. They're both kinda matching, just the colors aren't the same, they're inverses. Then we went to Marie's room for lunch, and it was PACKED with people. Then we found Marie, and sat with her. We had a salad, then we had this chicken...with vegetables, SO good, then this awesome chocolate cake. It was really super good. Then we left for home.
Then we got home, and then went to church, then had dinner. And then I got on at 7, and did my taxes, which means I finished my part of the FAFSA, which means I have that much less to worry about.
And I need to write another hateful letter to the same guy, please bear with me.
Dear You Know Who (again),
You can be a real jerk, you know that? I told you about my LJ entry so you would read it, so maybe we could talk things through. I even hinted at it again when we talked. But you are too chicken, and too selfish, to give me my peace of mind. So this is why you get another letter.
I've never been so angry with someone than I am with you right now. I see you online, I read about how great things are with you and your girlfriend, and as unfair as it may seem to you, I hate you for it. I hate you for being happy, when you know how miserable you're making me. If you can make me miserable, you deserve to be miserable yourself. You took so much that was precious from me, just from being too chicken shit to talk to me about it.
YOU LEAD ME ON. That's not something a nice guy does. That's something a heartless jerk does. And then to not admit it, and to not even apologize, or even show the slightest sign of remorse? Have you no soul? Have you no conscience? Have you no thought for your fellow human?
You make me sick, and as far as I can tell, I shouldn't even waste my time giving you a second thought, but you stole my peace of mind, you stole my dignity, you stole my pride.
How the hell can you tell me I'm funny, amazing, and like no one you've ever met, and then turn around two or three weeks later, just stop talking to me cold turkey, with no explanation why, pick up this new girlfriend, and then it's like I never existed? Maybe I never did to you, but Goddamnit, I believed every word you said. But now SHE's the amazing one, SHE's the funny one. So what the hell am I? What the HELL am I? Was I ever that to you? Did you just say that to make yourself feel good? Like you were doing me some sort of charity? Well listen up, I've got your charity right here, and if you come within one IM, one e-mail, or 10 yards of it, you're going to feel it kick you square in the teeth.
I wish I could kick you where the sun doesn't shine right now.
But even THAT would be too kind.
Leave me the fuck alone, and don't even WORRY about talking to me about it now. Your window for any sort of forgiveness has passed.
Not that you even want it.
Not that you'd even think beyond yourself anyway.
Good day, and leave me the ferak alone.
Anyway, Nate got on last night around 9 o clock, then left, then got back on around 9:45. I was supposed to go to bed at 10, but I really had to talk to him about the whole mixed messages thing. So we stayed up til 11 talking about it, before I was like "You know, I REALLY have to go to bed." I laughed, I cried, but mostly I cried. I was originally HOPING he would've said "I'm sorry I was sending mixed messages, but what I'm really trying to portray is how much I like you". And while that's partially what he said, mostly what he said was that he liked me, but not that much yet, and he didn't want to do anything because of the distance and he pretty much gave me mixed messages while trying to tell me why he was giving me mixed messages. So now I'm even more confused than before.
He said that he would try to be online more, but surprise surprise he hasn't been on at all today. I think I'll e-mail him in a few minutes. Just tell him how my day went and such. He says I'm amazing and he's never met anyone as great as me, but yet he doesn't want to get close to me. Can someone explain that? *shakes head*
So today I got up at 6:15 or so, got dressed, then at about 7:00, my mom and I left. We got there at 9:00, it only took 2 hours, even though we were expecting it to take the great part of 3. So that gave us time to kind of look around before our meeting with the Admissions counsellor. Talked with Sylvia from 9:45 until 10:30, then we went on a tour of campus until 11:45. The campus is BEAUTIFUL, let me just say. My mom, of all the beautiful things on campus, loved the FITNESS center the most. *rolls eyes* go fig. So then at noon we went to the Kirkoff center, where Marie was for lunch cause she was at the scholarship competition. The same building the bookstore was in, so I got Jill a sweater, and me a sweater. They're both kinda matching, just the colors aren't the same, they're inverses. Then we went to Marie's room for lunch, and it was PACKED with people. Then we found Marie, and sat with her. We had a salad, then we had this chicken...with vegetables, SO good, then this awesome chocolate cake. It was really super good. Then we left for home.
Then we got home, and then went to church, then had dinner. And then I got on at 7, and did my taxes, which means I finished my part of the FAFSA, which means I have that much less to worry about.
And I need to write another hateful letter to the same guy, please bear with me.
Dear You Know Who (again),
You can be a real jerk, you know that? I told you about my LJ entry so you would read it, so maybe we could talk things through. I even hinted at it again when we talked. But you are too chicken, and too selfish, to give me my peace of mind. So this is why you get another letter.
I've never been so angry with someone than I am with you right now. I see you online, I read about how great things are with you and your girlfriend, and as unfair as it may seem to you, I hate you for it. I hate you for being happy, when you know how miserable you're making me. If you can make me miserable, you deserve to be miserable yourself. You took so much that was precious from me, just from being too chicken shit to talk to me about it.
YOU LEAD ME ON. That's not something a nice guy does. That's something a heartless jerk does. And then to not admit it, and to not even apologize, or even show the slightest sign of remorse? Have you no soul? Have you no conscience? Have you no thought for your fellow human?
You make me sick, and as far as I can tell, I shouldn't even waste my time giving you a second thought, but you stole my peace of mind, you stole my dignity, you stole my pride.
How the hell can you tell me I'm funny, amazing, and like no one you've ever met, and then turn around two or three weeks later, just stop talking to me cold turkey, with no explanation why, pick up this new girlfriend, and then it's like I never existed? Maybe I never did to you, but Goddamnit, I believed every word you said. But now SHE's the amazing one, SHE's the funny one. So what the hell am I? What the HELL am I? Was I ever that to you? Did you just say that to make yourself feel good? Like you were doing me some sort of charity? Well listen up, I've got your charity right here, and if you come within one IM, one e-mail, or 10 yards of it, you're going to feel it kick you square in the teeth.
I wish I could kick you where the sun doesn't shine right now.
But even THAT would be too kind.
Leave me the fuck alone, and don't even WORRY about talking to me about it now. Your window for any sort of forgiveness has passed.
Not that you even want it.
Not that you'd even think beyond yourself anyway.
Good day, and leave me the ferak alone.