can't sleep
haven't done this is forever, but here's some writing.
I.
I am always asking for the words inside your head
which are worth so much more than the pennies i offer
i wish there was a wire, a telegraph cable
from your forehead to mine
so our words wouldn't have to cross that gap of empty air
between us
though hearing your half wispered confessions and clarifications
is something i would miss
II.
it was morning love
when i woke you up.
the frozen air was still hanging on me
when i crawled into the warm burrow you were curled inside
and shed my layers til i was as warm and soft as you.
the cold sun, reflecting off ice and snow
somehow reached our skin retaining some heat
and illuminated creases and expanses
that were new to us
III.
i'm become aware of that lump in my throat again
bitter, self-indulgent sorrow
worse now that i know it exists without reasons to feed it
that i can never starve it away with happiness
all i can do to defend myself is turn my back
and desperately ignore the panic that rises:
no one will ever beat this back
i will be containing this secret black hole my whole life
IV.
you were always chasing me
with your hands
and your words to net me
but i always won the arms race.
Now i 've handed you ammunition enough
to lead me to surrender
and for all my sideways smiles
i don't think i can wriggle my way out of this one
V.
I give away kisses like words
and i'm trying to hold my tongue
VI.
I can feel hopes hanging on me
gold-heavy
and eyes follow me
wet with wishes
when all i want is my invisibility
my anomynity
returned to me.
i want to be a plain white paper girl
and slip between the cracks
VII.
days and hours run together;
the only way to tell morning from afternoon
is whether my fingers smell like coffee or oranges
VIII.
The sun burned through my closed eyelids
so when i opened them the scene was color-bleached
and the sepia tones of your back
turned away
disapointed
IX.
The red lights at every street
shining through the windshield
stopped me from reaching for your hand.
the raindrop shadows that peppered our faces
fell on my clenched hands
and i thought if i could hold the wheel tight enough
i could steer us in the right direction
even though you meant every song you sang along to
and if i could just beat this aphrodite instinct
maybe things would fall into place
OK! fun stuff, see you at the end of my next notebook.
I.
I am always asking for the words inside your head
which are worth so much more than the pennies i offer
i wish there was a wire, a telegraph cable
from your forehead to mine
so our words wouldn't have to cross that gap of empty air
between us
though hearing your half wispered confessions and clarifications
is something i would miss
II.
it was morning love
when i woke you up.
the frozen air was still hanging on me
when i crawled into the warm burrow you were curled inside
and shed my layers til i was as warm and soft as you.
the cold sun, reflecting off ice and snow
somehow reached our skin retaining some heat
and illuminated creases and expanses
that were new to us
III.
i'm become aware of that lump in my throat again
bitter, self-indulgent sorrow
worse now that i know it exists without reasons to feed it
that i can never starve it away with happiness
all i can do to defend myself is turn my back
and desperately ignore the panic that rises:
no one will ever beat this back
i will be containing this secret black hole my whole life
IV.
you were always chasing me
with your hands
and your words to net me
but i always won the arms race.
Now i 've handed you ammunition enough
to lead me to surrender
and for all my sideways smiles
i don't think i can wriggle my way out of this one
V.
I give away kisses like words
and i'm trying to hold my tongue
VI.
I can feel hopes hanging on me
gold-heavy
and eyes follow me
wet with wishes
when all i want is my invisibility
my anomynity
returned to me.
i want to be a plain white paper girl
and slip between the cracks
VII.
days and hours run together;
the only way to tell morning from afternoon
is whether my fingers smell like coffee or oranges
VIII.
The sun burned through my closed eyelids
so when i opened them the scene was color-bleached
and the sepia tones of your back
turned away
disapointed
IX.
The red lights at every street
shining through the windshield
stopped me from reaching for your hand.
the raindrop shadows that peppered our faces
fell on my clenched hands
and i thought if i could hold the wheel tight enough
i could steer us in the right direction
even though you meant every song you sang along to
and if i could just beat this aphrodite instinct
maybe things would fall into place
OK! fun stuff, see you at the end of my next notebook.