Decay
I am not going to lie... I am very very miserable right now, though I suppose that given the suffering across the planet, I should be thankful...
Still, in my own smaller world, things are kinda shitty here:
I am in the Lancaster (PA) public library right now, and I am snagging some fast time on the internet before I miss the bus to get me back to my grandparents house. This city (perhaps it is only my perception, because I associate it with the age of my grandparents) reeks of age. There is a smell to this city that I don't like, its dirty, and it feels desolate, yet populated.
In a similar fasion I am very uncomfortable being at my grandparents house. I knew this would happen, but I came anyway because I knew that I may not get another chance to see them alive after this trip. Now that I am here (and forgive me if this seems melodramatic) but now that I am here, I am sure in my mind and my heart that this is, in fact, the last time I will see them both alive together. My grandfather, though better than before, is... well - there is no other word for it than 'fading'. My grandmother hardly recognized me when she saw me, and she is so weak and tired and aloof that she is giving up. Her awareness of the world around her is so devastingly poor that I fear for her every time I see her stand up or try to walk.
In addition to this all is, of course, that fact of the disaster across the sea, which under normal circumstances would upset me, yes, but not so much as it is now... I think the environment I am in is strengthening these emotions.
At any rate, I will be returning home soon, and I'm still glad I came, because I did and still do wish to see my grandparents. They are alive now, and for that I am grateful.
I quickly read my friends journals... I hope that everything is ok- I wish I could be there for my friends that need company... soon I will be home, though - and things are going to start getting better, I am sure.
Ok - I need to go, because my time on the computer is running down. I'll talk when I get back home- peace out all-
~Dave