Hmm...
I have actually suspected such a thing for a while now, but I think I can official diagnosis that I have some sort of journaling (on the interwebs of course) disease.
The disease being that I constantly write them as a way to deal with turmoil in my head and in desperation that someone outside of my mind read and know about it.
Seriously, everytime I have turmoil over anything, one of the first ways I go about working through it is by thinking about how I would write about it in a journal or posting about it. Like, I write dA journal entries in my head as I walk around doing stuff. It's bad.
And then of course there are things that I can't post on dA for whatever reason, which is when I default to here. And if I can't do it here, then more often then not I default to my ever lovely Buddha. The poor dear gets all of my crap tossed on her. But the point is, I seem to have developed this deep need for communicating all my problems, and often when I don't have someone available to me who I feel I can talk to, I turn to the anonymity of the internet. Even if it isn't all that anonymous. It just... soothes me.
And certainly, I think an aspect of it is the need to think about it and write it all out in a way that is understandable, and it helps me process the thought. Half the time, if it's a big deal, I've even found myself crying as I write about whatever it is. It's just really cathartic.
BUT, there has to be that people aspect. I need to know someone will read it. I don't know why. Maybe I just want to think that by having someone else know it, it makes the burden less, well, burdensome. I don't know. I just know that that's what I need.
And often times in those cases, it means there isn't someone I can talk to, and that is where the anonymity comes in. I can write all about my problems and people I don't see on a regular basis, if ever, can make me feel better without my ever needing to worry about how they will act around me or whatnot.
But yeah. TOTALLY random post I guess. Or not so much since I have silly turmoil and as soon as that feeling in my chest hits, I immediately thought "OMG GO WRITE A JOURNAL" even though... I don't even know how to write, or if I want to write about that, or even what exactly to write.
So I rant about ranting.
OH YEAH. CAUSE I'M THAT COOL.
The disease being that I constantly write them as a way to deal with turmoil in my head and in desperation that someone outside of my mind read and know about it.
Seriously, everytime I have turmoil over anything, one of the first ways I go about working through it is by thinking about how I would write about it in a journal or posting about it. Like, I write dA journal entries in my head as I walk around doing stuff. It's bad.
And then of course there are things that I can't post on dA for whatever reason, which is when I default to here. And if I can't do it here, then more often then not I default to my ever lovely Buddha. The poor dear gets all of my crap tossed on her. But the point is, I seem to have developed this deep need for communicating all my problems, and often when I don't have someone available to me who I feel I can talk to, I turn to the anonymity of the internet. Even if it isn't all that anonymous. It just... soothes me.
And certainly, I think an aspect of it is the need to think about it and write it all out in a way that is understandable, and it helps me process the thought. Half the time, if it's a big deal, I've even found myself crying as I write about whatever it is. It's just really cathartic.
BUT, there has to be that people aspect. I need to know someone will read it. I don't know why. Maybe I just want to think that by having someone else know it, it makes the burden less, well, burdensome. I don't know. I just know that that's what I need.
And often times in those cases, it means there isn't someone I can talk to, and that is where the anonymity comes in. I can write all about my problems and people I don't see on a regular basis, if ever, can make me feel better without my ever needing to worry about how they will act around me or whatnot.
But yeah. TOTALLY random post I guess. Or not so much since I have silly turmoil and as soon as that feeling in my chest hits, I immediately thought "OMG GO WRITE A JOURNAL" even though... I don't even know how to write, or if I want to write about that, or even what exactly to write.
So I rant about ranting.
OH YEAH. CAUSE I'M THAT COOL.