Big Ups to My Homes Long Island and ATL
You Know You're From Atlanta When...
You give directions starting with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase, "When you see the Waffle House."
You only know their way to work and their way home.
You only drink Coke or Diet Coke - drinking Pepsi is blasphemy.
You know to wear sneakers to the airport.
The 8:00 AM rush hour is from 6:30 to 10:30 AM. The 5:00 PM rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:30 PM. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon, and lasts through 2:00 AM Saturday.
You use "Sir" and "Ma'am" if there's a remote possibility that person you're talking to is least 30 minutes older than you are.
You can Ponce De Leon Avenue correctly.
The falling of one rain drop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules.
If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days, and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a month. All the grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled water, toilet paper, and beer.
If there is a remote chance of snow, and if it does snow, people will be on the corner selling "I survived the blizzard" tee-shirts, not to mention the fact that all schools will close at the slightest possible chance of snow.
If you are standing on a corner and a MARTA Bus stops, you're expected to get on and go somewhere.
Construction on Peachtree Street is a way of life and a permanent form of entertainment, especially when a water line is tapped and Atlanta's version of Old Faithful erupts.
Construction crews are not doing their jobs properly unless they close down all major streets during rush hour.
You never go 55 on "The Watermelon 500 or the Georgia 400.
You know you're not allergic to pollen, because if you were - you'd be dead already.
You've never gone around the block and ended up on the street you started on.
You know where 'Butthead' and 'F*ckhead' are, and it's the same part of town.
ou haven't been downtown at night in years
You've woken up at 4:30 am on workdays to beat the traffic to work, intending to leave work before 3 pm to compensate.
You know at least five different ways to get to work, none of them ideal
You know what "sunshine slowdown", "auto-flambe'", "topside" mean, and what color a H.E.R.O. is.
You know where PIB, JCB, FIB, MLK, PDK and "Grady curve" are, and you try to never go there during any of the nine hours of rush "hour"
You've thought about getting a blow-up companion for the front passenger seat
You hope you are the one to spot the vehicle that is the subject of the latest "Amber Alert" which has been flashing for ten minutes on the DOT message board exactly 13.5 feet above the hood of your SUV
You've been in traffic on 85, 75, 20 or 400 (choose one) - wondering if your fuel, your cell-phone battery and your bladder will make it to the next exit, just 1/2 mile ahead
It's 4:30 pm Sunday, you're stone-cold sober and you've just finished the last left-over hot dog when you realize that in exactly 12 hours you have to get up and go to work - again
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Atlanta.
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You Know You're From Long Island When...
You know someone who went to Chaminade.
Jones Beach Theater is the best place in the world to see a concert. CASE CLOSED!
Is it just me, or is every girl from Rockville Centre a bitch?
Billy Joel said it best, "Either you date a rich girl from the North Shore, or a cool girl from the South Shore."
What's the big deal about the Hamptons?
If you're not from Long Island or NYC, you're not really from New York.
You don't go to Manhattan, you go to "the City"
You know the Belt Parkway sucks!
You never, ever want to "change at Jamaica..."
You never realize you have an accent until you leave.
You know where at least one strip club is.
You can name at least three bands that came from Long Island.
You curse. A lot.
Is Huntington really that cool?
You've been to Utopia at least once.
The goddamn geese are everywhere!
If your parents didn't, your grandparents lived in the city.
At some point in your life you or someone you know has owned an animal that came from North Shore Animal League.
You actually remember when you felt safe swimming at Bar Beach and Hempstead Harbor.
Commack movie theatre scares you
You walk around the mall aimlessly.
You drive around your town with your friends, and that's the most exciting part of your evening.
On the weekend, your evening consists of seeing a movie, going bowling, or playing pool.
When you walk in the city and you see two men holding hands...it becomes normal to you.
No word ends in an ER, just an AH.
You feel like you know Howard Stern.
You live in the shadow of the greatest city in the world, but you never go there.
When you're away from Long Island, you love it and when you're there, you don't.
You know that the beach sucks during the day and is the most magical place in the world at night
You know the exact point at which Queens turns into Nassau simply on intuition.
You're still waiting for a bridge to Connecticut.
You've tried to use your father's monthly ticket to ride the LIRR. It worked.
No matter what you do, you end up at the diner.
Your distant future might involve the state of Florida.
High school sports aren't that important.
You've never been to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
You've tried to find the Amityville Horror house.
Each one of your diverse friends mercilessly makes fun of his own background.
You love that salty smell of the ocean.
No, you don't want mustard on that burger!
The most exciting day of your summer is when all tickets to every Jones Beach show go on sale.
You know White Castle is terrible for you and the food sucks. But, you periodically "Get the Crave"
You want the Yankees to stay in the Bronx, but would probably go to more games if they moved to Manhattan.
You can order a pizza pie and a soda and people will understand.
You felt slighted when Snapple sold out.
You don't associate Fire Island with gay men.
You wanted Hooters to open simply to piss off "decency" groups.
You watched a game show and wondered, "why are these people so happy that they won a trip to New York?"
You like The Brothers McMullen.
When you hear Billy Joel's "Scenes From an Italian Restaurant" you try to figure out what places on Long Island he's talking about.
You know that parts of the Godfather were filmed on LI.
You always liked Billy Joel, but as soon as you leave, you love Billy Joel.
At some point in your life, you've gone clamming.
You've been to the Tanger Outlets and came home with nothing to show for it.
You have or someone you know has fallen asleep on the LIRR and ended up in one of these three places; Babylon, Port Washington or Hicksville.
You have been to Mulcahay's on Thanksgiving Eve, the largest ladies night event
of every year.
You've missed that "Drunk Train", the 2:42 out of Penn and had the dreaded wait until 5:30.
You think Islip MacArthur airport is cute and you enjoy watching it grow up.
Your parents took you to Nathans or Carvel
You hate the radio commercials for the Dublin Pub
Public beach? What's that?
You can correctly pronouce places like Happauge, Commack, Islip, Islandia, Massapequa.
You know the location of 6 malls and a dozen McDonalds and 36 7-11's.
You grew up thinking Chinese food was a basic food group.
You're used to driving down the street in December and seeing more light-up menorahs than you can shake a latka at. In fact, even your non-Jewish friends know what Matzoh is. And you've never driven more than 10 miles without seeing a temple.
Oh, your parents are from Brooklyn? So are mine!
Yes, admit it, you've cruised the Pike.
You can remember making up rules for “Shotgun” calls in high school.
Your elementary school promoted dodge ball as the top gym activity.
You were upset when all the Roy Rogers turned into Wendy’s.
You consider nachos and cheese at the Coliseum to be a suitable dinner date.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Long Island.
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