Final Fatty
If you don't already know Fatty passed away this past Saturday morning. It was a very difficult decision and we did get to say goodbye but I really wish we had more time to have said goodbye. With lightning (my cat from my childhood) I knew I had to put him to sleep for at least two days before we actually put him to sleep. With fatty their was still a chance he would recover and I didn't really have that sinking feeling until we had to bring him to the emergency vet at about 5am, by just after 6 he was gone. I knew on the way to the vet that it was very likely he wasn't coming back with us.
I did get to cuddle with him in bed one last time although it was short. When I came home from work on Friday I showed him his brush and he came out from under the bed. I put him on the bed and he climbed on my chest and I brushed him. He loves his brush and was puring away and pushing his face into the brush like usual. He rolled onto his side and sunk into my arms while I continued to pet him and rub his belly, all the while he was puring away. Unfortunately it didn't last as long as I would have liked because my mom came to see him and I had to get up to open the front door for her. After I let her in I saw he was having some trouble breathing, but he recovered some although was still a bit short of breath. For most of the night he slept under the bed, I checked on him ever few hours to make sure he was ok. He wouldn't eat or drink and the plan was to bring him back to the vet at 8am when they opened. Around 4:30 I heard him come out from under the bed and he lay down on the floor in front of the door. I got up and sat next to him and brushed him some more and he started puring. I brushed him for a little while but then stopped. He stopped puring he was lying on his side and breathing heavy and this time he started breathing open mouth, getting worse and worse, and then he peed on the floor. At that moment and not really until that moment, I knew he was really really bad and getting worse by the second.
At the vet we got him is as quick as we could his breathing had gotten a bit better during the ride over and he was no longer breathing open mouth but still heavy. On the table at the vet he again started to breath open mouth and the vet said we need to get him in oxygen right away. We asked the vet if we could come and he said no, and he took Fatty and we went to sit down. Just moments after that the vet came out and said come with him that he thought he was going to arrest and that we could be there. They were holding a tube to his mouth to give him oxygen while they were giving him an IV. They gave him diuretics to help empty the fluid out of his lungs and then put him in this small oxygen chamber. He was still breathing heavy and then his back arched and he got a bit stiff. The vet told us he was starting to arrest but just as he said that he relaxed again. His breathing was still fast but you could see in his face he was beginning to feel a little better. The oxygen chamber had a door we could open and stick our hands in to pet him, which we did. He moved around some and changed positions to get comfortable and seemed a bit more relaxed although his breathing was still fast.
Now came decision time, we talked to the vet to understand our options. We asked what would happen if we took him out of the chamber and the vet said after about a minute or two, he would have trouble breathing again. They had given him diuretics which is what you do for a heart condition to get the fluid out of his lungs. The problem is that he also has kidney disease and for that we had just given him fluids which is what triggered the breathing problems. Once the diuretics started doing their job he would be able to breath again, but then his blood levels would be way off and his body wouldn't be able to cleans its self. This would mean his stomach would be in pain and he would be throwing up again and feel sick. A no win situation and in neither case would he be comfortable and the cat we know and love. On top of all this in the back of my mind is still the fact that he has this mass in him that we were told is very likely cancer, and that in his condition he isn't really a candidate for an operation since he wouldn't likely survive it. We knew what needed to be done, but that doesn't make it any easier. I think Fatty knew days ago since from first time we brought him to the vet he never complained. With fatty in the oxygen chamber we spent about half an hour petting him and looking at him. For the last minutes we opened the door and gave him hugs and kisses. I was petting him and looking into his wide open eyes in his last seconds, and then everything was peaceful.
That morning around 7am we drove to the cabin at lake george. He was born at the cabin under the bed in the porch. I wasn't there when he was born but when I did first see him and pick him out, it was also at the cabin. The woman who gave him to me thought he was a female, but when I got him fixed I found out he was a male. On the way to the cabin when we first saw the lake the early morning sun was shining beams of light through an oval shaped hole in the clouds, with a slightly reddish hew in the background. While I am not a believer in heaven, it looked very heavenly and brought some tears to my eyes.
We buried him behind the cabin at the top of the ravine in a spot that over looks the stream. Its a beautiful spot that many people would be envious of as a burial plot. We buried him with his brush and one of his favorite toys. On his box/casket we wrote all his names, and that we love him. Many tears were shed and a few stories were shared, then hand full by hand full we covered him with dirt, until you couldn't see his box anymore. As we were covering him with dirt the sun broke through the clouds and trees and shown right onto his spot. We finished with shovels and marked the spot with a pile of stones that had come out of the hole.
We headed back and were on the northway by 11am, we continued to share stories about him on the way home, some happy some sad. Once we were back home we went to bed exhausted both physically and emotionally. My room where Fatty stayed most of the time seems lifeless now, and its still a little hard to walk in there. His food dishes and litter have been cleaned up, the doors that open to under my bed; what we considered the entrance to his cave are closed, he is very much missed.
In the past few days I have gotten over a lot of the sadness and my mind drifts to other things. Its going to take some adjustments for me, sometimes when I am not thinking about it I look up expecting to see him looking for attention. When I go into my room I half expect to see him sleeping on the bed or on the floor and then I am reminded. Every night he would sleep next to me and he would snore, now just silence. Sometimes I think I hear a cat walking around the bed about to jump up and I look to see if its one of Jenn's cats but no cat is to be seen.
I have been through this before with other pets and I know it will take some time to adjust and already it is getting a little easier for me although I am still sad when I think about him. Of course its never easy to lose a pet, and for Jenn this is the first time she has dealt with it. I feel so bad for her because sometimes she seems so sad and I just want her to be happy again, and yet I know it will take time. I know Fatty wanted nothing more than to eat sleep and make us happy and content, and I am sure he would want us to be happy now as well. And so on with the healing process, for those that don't have a pet or have never lost a pet this may seem like too much, and be hard to understand. All I know is that they have a way of getting into your heart, they love you unconditionally, they ask for so little and yet give you so much love. I don't regret a minute of it, I just always wish it could of lasted longer.
My sweet fat cat, you will always have a home in my heart.
I did get to cuddle with him in bed one last time although it was short. When I came home from work on Friday I showed him his brush and he came out from under the bed. I put him on the bed and he climbed on my chest and I brushed him. He loves his brush and was puring away and pushing his face into the brush like usual. He rolled onto his side and sunk into my arms while I continued to pet him and rub his belly, all the while he was puring away. Unfortunately it didn't last as long as I would have liked because my mom came to see him and I had to get up to open the front door for her. After I let her in I saw he was having some trouble breathing, but he recovered some although was still a bit short of breath. For most of the night he slept under the bed, I checked on him ever few hours to make sure he was ok. He wouldn't eat or drink and the plan was to bring him back to the vet at 8am when they opened. Around 4:30 I heard him come out from under the bed and he lay down on the floor in front of the door. I got up and sat next to him and brushed him some more and he started puring. I brushed him for a little while but then stopped. He stopped puring he was lying on his side and breathing heavy and this time he started breathing open mouth, getting worse and worse, and then he peed on the floor. At that moment and not really until that moment, I knew he was really really bad and getting worse by the second.
At the vet we got him is as quick as we could his breathing had gotten a bit better during the ride over and he was no longer breathing open mouth but still heavy. On the table at the vet he again started to breath open mouth and the vet said we need to get him in oxygen right away. We asked the vet if we could come and he said no, and he took Fatty and we went to sit down. Just moments after that the vet came out and said come with him that he thought he was going to arrest and that we could be there. They were holding a tube to his mouth to give him oxygen while they were giving him an IV. They gave him diuretics to help empty the fluid out of his lungs and then put him in this small oxygen chamber. He was still breathing heavy and then his back arched and he got a bit stiff. The vet told us he was starting to arrest but just as he said that he relaxed again. His breathing was still fast but you could see in his face he was beginning to feel a little better. The oxygen chamber had a door we could open and stick our hands in to pet him, which we did. He moved around some and changed positions to get comfortable and seemed a bit more relaxed although his breathing was still fast.
Now came decision time, we talked to the vet to understand our options. We asked what would happen if we took him out of the chamber and the vet said after about a minute or two, he would have trouble breathing again. They had given him diuretics which is what you do for a heart condition to get the fluid out of his lungs. The problem is that he also has kidney disease and for that we had just given him fluids which is what triggered the breathing problems. Once the diuretics started doing their job he would be able to breath again, but then his blood levels would be way off and his body wouldn't be able to cleans its self. This would mean his stomach would be in pain and he would be throwing up again and feel sick. A no win situation and in neither case would he be comfortable and the cat we know and love. On top of all this in the back of my mind is still the fact that he has this mass in him that we were told is very likely cancer, and that in his condition he isn't really a candidate for an operation since he wouldn't likely survive it. We knew what needed to be done, but that doesn't make it any easier. I think Fatty knew days ago since from first time we brought him to the vet he never complained. With fatty in the oxygen chamber we spent about half an hour petting him and looking at him. For the last minutes we opened the door and gave him hugs and kisses. I was petting him and looking into his wide open eyes in his last seconds, and then everything was peaceful.
That morning around 7am we drove to the cabin at lake george. He was born at the cabin under the bed in the porch. I wasn't there when he was born but when I did first see him and pick him out, it was also at the cabin. The woman who gave him to me thought he was a female, but when I got him fixed I found out he was a male. On the way to the cabin when we first saw the lake the early morning sun was shining beams of light through an oval shaped hole in the clouds, with a slightly reddish hew in the background. While I am not a believer in heaven, it looked very heavenly and brought some tears to my eyes.
We buried him behind the cabin at the top of the ravine in a spot that over looks the stream. Its a beautiful spot that many people would be envious of as a burial plot. We buried him with his brush and one of his favorite toys. On his box/casket we wrote all his names, and that we love him. Many tears were shed and a few stories were shared, then hand full by hand full we covered him with dirt, until you couldn't see his box anymore. As we were covering him with dirt the sun broke through the clouds and trees and shown right onto his spot. We finished with shovels and marked the spot with a pile of stones that had come out of the hole.
We headed back and were on the northway by 11am, we continued to share stories about him on the way home, some happy some sad. Once we were back home we went to bed exhausted both physically and emotionally. My room where Fatty stayed most of the time seems lifeless now, and its still a little hard to walk in there. His food dishes and litter have been cleaned up, the doors that open to under my bed; what we considered the entrance to his cave are closed, he is very much missed.
In the past few days I have gotten over a lot of the sadness and my mind drifts to other things. Its going to take some adjustments for me, sometimes when I am not thinking about it I look up expecting to see him looking for attention. When I go into my room I half expect to see him sleeping on the bed or on the floor and then I am reminded. Every night he would sleep next to me and he would snore, now just silence. Sometimes I think I hear a cat walking around the bed about to jump up and I look to see if its one of Jenn's cats but no cat is to be seen.
I have been through this before with other pets and I know it will take some time to adjust and already it is getting a little easier for me although I am still sad when I think about him. Of course its never easy to lose a pet, and for Jenn this is the first time she has dealt with it. I feel so bad for her because sometimes she seems so sad and I just want her to be happy again, and yet I know it will take time. I know Fatty wanted nothing more than to eat sleep and make us happy and content, and I am sure he would want us to be happy now as well. And so on with the healing process, for those that don't have a pet or have never lost a pet this may seem like too much, and be hard to understand. All I know is that they have a way of getting into your heart, they love you unconditionally, they ask for so little and yet give you so much love. I don't regret a minute of it, I just always wish it could of lasted longer.
My sweet fat cat, you will always have a home in my heart.