On Even Ground
Okay I got up to almost 50 parts on the kinkmeme fill so I'm taking this nonsense to my journal.
The prompt is:
AU where they never played the game.
The only way for Tavros to avoid being culled is for a highblood to claim him as their slave. As his matesprit, Gamzee is the obvious choice for this. But Gamzee is severely squicked by their new ( Read more... )
The prompt is:
AU where they never played the game.
The only way for Tavros to avoid being culled is for a highblood to claim him as their slave. As his matesprit, Gamzee is the obvious choice for this. But Gamzee is severely squicked by their new ( Read more... )
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“... You’re kidding, right?” Gamzee asked uneasily. “There’s no way you’d be all up and thinking that so you’ve got to be kidding. There’s no... Tavros, how can you think that?” Gamzee was past anger or irritation or worry; he just looked lost. “I love you. When I say that I’m not fucking making it up. You’re my matesprit. We were hatched for each other... right?”
Tavros couldn’t bear the way his matesprit’s voice painfully broke over the words. He tenderly kissed Gamzee, who clung to him tight, and then softly breathed, “We were hatched for each other. I know that you love me, but... sometimes I wonder if you... if you think I’m...” Tavros made himself blurt it out, “If you think I’m good looking.”
“Good looking?” Gamzee echoed. “You’re the cutest motherfucking thing in the universe, and-wait. You just said you were all manipulating me into fucking you. How could you do that if you didn’t know how sexy I know you are?” He playfully tapped his matesprit’s nose. “Take that piece of bitching logic and try and wriggle out of it.”
“It’s not the same,” Tavros mumbled. “That was just knowing what you like and doing it all at once. I could do that even when I’m u... not good looking.”
Gamzee looked confused for a moment before pressing his lips into a thin line. “Are you talking about what those motherfucking...” he searched for something foul enough and came up empty, “those assholes said at the ceremony?”
Tavros looked uneasy as a few of the more cutting insults rose to the surface of his memory. Gamzee tilted his head back and sighed heavily before rolling them over, slowly so his matesprit had time to adjust and not get his horn caught on the cushion. Tavros relished the comforting weight pressing into him. He liked when Gamzee lay on top of him, particularly if a blanket was draped over them both. It made him feel as though the rest of the world had melted away and they were all that was left.
“Look, Tavros,” Gamzee murmured soft and low, their new position putting his mouth against his matesprit’s neck. While Tavros wasn’t as affected by it as Gamzee was it was still enough to make him shiver. “Even if the universe fucked up something shitty and we weren’t matesprits, and I was happy with some other troll-which sounds like motherfucking hell to me because I can’t live without you-I would still want you. If I was all walking down the street with my imaginary matesprit and I saw you I’d still want to bone you.” Gamzee licked a wet trail up his matesprit’s throat and Tavros had to bite back a whimper. “I’d still want to climb into your four wheel device and ride your hard fucking bulge until I couldn’t walk anymore.”
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“I’d walk up to you and lean down to whisper in your ear.” Gamzee demonstrated, his lips brushing a sensitive lobe. “Tell you exactly what I want to do to you.”
“Like what?” Tavros asked, his voice low and husky.
“Everything. Get you somewhere private and be all sitting in your lap. Get my hand down so I can rub your bulge while I fuck your mouth with my tongue.”
It was getting harder and harder for Tavros to keep himself in check when Gamzee was saying things like that. The only reason he hesitated, his fingertips splayed wide across the small of his matesprit’s back, was the thought of sending Gamzee back to sitting on that slab and staring at the gray sea.
“No, wait, I’d want to go slow. Kiss you slowly while I’m all rocking against you. Then I’d open up your pants and get my motherfucking hand in there. Feel out how big you are so I’d know how much I have to stretch myself-and I’d have to stretch myself a whole fucking lot.”
It took considerable effort for Tavros to keep his hands still. “Mmm... I’m not that big,” he murmured as he weighed the possibilities. He reasoned that if he were the only one giving pleasure-aside from the jolts Gamzee’s moans were sure to send through his body-he could keep from having another breakdown.
“You’re motherfucking huge. You feel so good when you’re in me.” Gamzee’s breathing was starting to come in pants but he still waited for his matesprit’s silent permission. Tavros waited to give it; he wanted to hear more. “Maybe while I’d be getting ready I’d stand up on my knees and fuck your mouth. Slide in and out nice and motherfucking slow. Grab one of your horns and reach around with my other hand and fingerfuck myself while I tell you how much I want it.”
Tavros drank in the passion and heat that came off of his lover in waves. From the very first time lustful words were breathed against his ear Tavros had been in awe at Gamzee’s natural skill at verbal foreplay. He often wished that he could drive his matesprit wild with the same deliberate ease; he felt that whenever he turned Gamzee on it was completely by accident. Tavros usually abandoned any attempt at sweet, sexy talk before it began since he could never think of anything to say. The night of the ceremony was the first time he had actually gotten more than a sentence into it.
He was suddenly slammed with the gut wrenching fear that things would turn out just like the night before. Tavros took several deep, calming breaths before trusting himself to say what needed to be said.
“I don’t think we should...” he sighed regretfully. “We can’t. We have to finish talking about this.”
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“I didn’t mean that! I don’t want to let you go, not ever. We just...” he swallowed hard and fought his own raging hormones; holding Gamzee on top of him had created some interesting friction. “We just need to talk before we go there again.”
“I don’t deserve to touch you at all,” Gamzee muttered against Tavros’s chest. “After I messed it all up last night and now I can’t even keep my bulge in my fucking pants for one motherfucking minute-“
It wasn’t often that Tavros felt genuinely irritated at his matesprit-or anyone-but even he had his limits.
“I. Started. It,” he stated in a sharp, matter-of-fact tone. Gamzee raised his head and boggled at Tavros, who kept talking. “I started it last night and I started it right now. You didn’t force me to do anything so please stop acting like you did.”
“But I...” Gamzee trailed off, still trying to wrap his think pan around the prickly glare aimed his way.
“But nothing! I was the selfish one. You were so freaked out when I started throwing myself at you but I kept going.” Tavros had already spent a good portion of the day beating himself up over that particular point and he resumed mentally punching himself. “Then when I could see that you did still want me, no matter what those... what they said, I was just so relieved that I started crying and I couldn’t stop because I was just so tired... you didn’t do anything wrong.”
Gamzee looked away.
“Why won’t you believe me?” Tavros asked, the frustration rising in his voice. “I love you and I don’t want to see you like this. Why are you punishing yourself like this?”
The answer was so low that he couldn’t make it out.
“Please tell me what it is so we can work through this. Gamzee, I’m sure that whatever you’re thinking is just a misunderstanding and once we clear it up you’ll stop feeling so bad.”
“There’s no motherfucking misunderstanding,” Gamzee mumbled. “There’s no taking this the wrong way. The wrong way is the only fucking way.”
“What?”
The answer was a barely audible, “You were stammering.”
Tavros just looked at him, struck silent in his confusion.
“You were stammering,” Gamzee repeated, louder and with more self-directed venom. “You were all stumbling over what you were saying. You were stammering the whole motherfucking time and I just kept going.”
“But I...” Tavros was baffled. “I always fall over my words when I’m talking to someone. I’ve tried to do it less but I don’t know if I’ve gotten anywhere with that. It’s just what I do.”
“Not with me,” Gamzee whispered.
“What are you talking about?”
“You don’t stammer when you’re talking to me. You never have. Well...” Gamzee shrugged, “you did when I first started trolling you, but once we got to be bros you were typing the ‘uhs’ less and less.”
Tavros thought about it and realized that it was true. He never really noticed the change in his quirk when it came to talking to Gamzee, probably because he mouthed what he was saying and typed the ‘uhs’ as they happened.
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“Not motherfucking ever. You did when we first met in person, and a little when you said you were red for me, or when I went down on my knees in front of you for the first...”
Tavros was still fighting the pleasant rush of arousal and being reminded of their first serious sexual encounter didn’t really help. It was plain that it wasn’t helping Gamzee either; he was looking away and rubbing the side of his neck the way he always did when he was trying to keep a lid on his libido. It was a common occurrence when they were first getting physical, but in the past sweep or more the only time Tavros had seen the gesture is when someone else was with them. Whenever they were alone Gamzee had no reservations telling Tavros exactly how much he wanted it and Tavros had no problems letting Gamzee know that the passion was matched.
The thought of forgetting everything and getting lost in each others’ bodies was so tempting, and Tavros knew that if he stopped holding back they’d both be swept away... and then once they came back down to reality Gamzee would feel even worse than he already did.
Tavros summoned up the image of a savaged and half-decayed carcass he had found in the woods when he was very young. While he came to understand that things like that were simply a part of the natural world, having seen the bloated corpse so young twisted it into something worse than it was. Combined with the bone gnawing worry the memory was enough to at least take the edge off his arousal.
He decided that the latest repetition of the uncomfortable silence had gone on long enough and timidly cleared his throat. Gamzee tensed and slowly drug his eyes back to his matesprit’s face.
“Okay,” Tavros started, “so I was awkward for some of it.”
“Most of it.”
Tavros sighed and wished that life could be simple. “Gamzee, my confidence was destroyed. Mostly my confidence in the idea of you wanting me. Even knowing how badly I broke down... when I was throwing myself at you and you were freaked out and not kissing me back it felt like... it was like I was drowning, or being squeezed to death, or frozen in ice-maybe even all of that at once. If I could go back I’d make myself slow down and tell you all this before the sex, but I think I needed the sex. I needed to feel you wanting me-how selfish is that?”
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*****
“You are the least selfish troll I’ve ever met,” Gamzee said in quiet earnest. “Did... was it really that bad before I started kissing back?”
Tavros nodded.
“I still should have fucking waited. I should have figured out what you needed before-“
“Gamzee, please, just... just trust me when I say that you didn’t do anything wrong.” Tavros caressed his lover’s cheek, breathing a sigh of relief when Gamzee didn’t shy away from the touch. “I hate seeing you like this.”
“Okay. Okay, I’ll try to keep a motherfucking lid on that stuff.”
“I want you to stop feeling that way, not to bottle it up.”
Gamzee bit his lip and then leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to Tavros’s lips. They were in no hurry as they thoroughly explored each other’s mouths. Even though it was slow and tender it was somehow so much more intense than any of the more passionate kisses they had exchanged that day. They both came away breathless. After a few minutes of simply drinking in the sight of each other Gamzee spoke again.
“Are you okay now?”
“Yes, I’m-“ Tavros halted his instinctive response and thought about it. “Maybe... no?” He sighed heavily. “I think I still have some crying left to do over the next couple days, once it really hits me, but I will be okay.”
“I guess I can deal with that.” Gamzee chuckled and this time there was a hint of real humor behind it. Self-depreciating humor, but humor nonetheless. “Probably won’t deal with it very motherfucking well but I’ll be all useless right next to you.”
Tavros smiled. “You’re not useless. You’re exactly what I need. You’ve always been exactly what I need.”
Gamzee’s eyes were soft and full of caring. “I love you, Tav.”
“I love you, too.”
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