On Even Ground
Okay I got up to almost 50 parts on the kinkmeme fill so I'm taking this nonsense to my journal.
The prompt is:
AU where they never played the game.
The only way for Tavros to avoid being culled is for a highblood to claim him as their slave. As his matesprit, Gamzee is the obvious choice for this. But Gamzee is severely squicked by their new ( Read more... )
The prompt is:
AU where they never played the game.
The only way for Tavros to avoid being culled is for a highblood to claim him as their slave. As his matesprit, Gamzee is the obvious choice for this. But Gamzee is severely squicked by their new ( Read more... )
Tavros kissed his matesprit’s chest and mumbled, “You were there for me. You always are.”
Suddenly he was falling to the side as Gamzee abruptly sat up.
“No, I wasn’t. You were all needing me to lean on and what did I motherfucking do? I grabbed my fucking bone bulge and-“ Gamzee shook his head in disgust. His voice was full of self loathing as he continued, “You needed me and I... I took advantage of...” He buried his face in his hands and growled in frustration.
Tavros pulled himself up so that he was sitting on his hip. He supported his weight with one hand and reached out with the other to brush back his matesprit’s hair. Gamzee jerked away from him.
“Oh, Gamzee.” Tavros felt as though the guilt was going to choke him. “You didn’t take advantage of me! I’m the one who started it.” He winced and sighed when Gamzee evaded another comforting touch. “This is all my fault.”
Tavros wasn’t expecting the cold fury that was suddenly directed at him.
“Your fault? Your fault?” Gamzee’s quickly voice rose in volume until he reached a shout. “Un-motherfucking-believable. What the fuck is wrong with you?”
Tavros had seen Gamzee angry. He’d seen Gamzee storming back and forth, indigo in the face, yelling more obscenities than usual at the walls as he vented his frustration at the caste system or the Empress. More than once Tavros had found himself on the receiving end of an irritated glare which was usually followed by an exasperated sigh and a lecture on how he needed to have more self-confidence.
However, in all the time they’d been together, Gamzee had never once yelled at Tavros.
“How many motherfucking times do I have to motherfucking tell you... that...” Gamzee trailed off as he took in the expression on his lover’s face. The rage crashed into nothing. “Oh... oh fuck. Tavros, babe, I... oh fuck.”
Tavros slumped forward, limp with shock. Gamzee had never taken that tone with him in the past. Gamzee had never once been truly angry at Tavros before that night. Passing irritation to be sure but nothing even approaching the raw fury that had just been aimed Tavros’s way.
Gamzee pulled his unresponsive matesprit into his arms. “I’m sorry. Fuck, I’m sorry,” he apologized. He sounded as though he were on the brink of panic. “I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean to be all... I just keep messing it all motherfucking up!”
He held Tavros close and chanted apologies into the ruffled mohawk. It was exactly what Gamzee had done the night before and Tavros was gripped with the overwhelming fear that his matesprit was going to dive back into a pie tin. He physically shook himself out of his stupor, dazed questions dying on his lips as he was hit with the less rational and significantly stronger fear that the burst of anger meant that Gamzee didn’t want to be with him anymore.
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“Tavros, please calm down,” Gamzee said in desperation, completely horrified at how everything had spiraled out of control. “Please. Just breathe.”
“Y-you first.”
They both laughed humorlessly.
Gamzee carefully moved them back to the cushions, settling in on his back with splayed knees and Tavros lying on top of him. They clung to each other and fought to control their breathing. Gamzee regained his composure first and focused on rubbing slow, firm circles into Tavros’s back. In time he calmed back to his previous state of suppressed panic. He took a deep measured breath and sighed as though he could somehow expel all the confusion and hurt.
“What...” Tavros swallowed hard around the lump in his throat. He reasoned that Gamzee was just tired, that it was nothing, but he couldn’t quite believe it. He made himself lift his head and look at his matesprit when he asked, “What did I do wrong? To make you angry, I mean?”
Gamzee winced as though he had been stabbed. He started to say something but bit his lip against it.
“Please, tell me,” Tavros pressed. “I don’t want to drive you away. I just need to know what I did to-“
A finger pressed into Tavros’s mouth, silencing him. They remained still for several long moments and then Gamzee drew the calloused pad across his matesprit’s bottom lip. Despite everything Tavros couldn’t help the way his breath hitched; a ghost of a smile touched Gamzee’s expression but other than that he was completely unreadable as he slowly explored Tavros’s face with his fingertips. Up his jaw, along the curve of his nose and brow, across the darkest part of his horn and back again. Eventually Gamzee’s hand stilled and fell to the cushion after brushing across his matesprit’s throat, something that always made Tavros shiver. The only thing keeping him from losing himself in the touch was the fresh memory of Gamzee retching onto the sand.
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“Tavros,” Gamzee said in a careful, measured tone, “I want you to listen to me. This is not your fault.”
“But it’s-“
The anger returned to Gamzee’s face but he quickly controlled it. Tavros shrank into himself.
“Fuck, Tavros, don’t be all-“ Gamzee growled in frustration, “-it’s all so motherfucking messed up and I can’t even try and fix it without fucking it up even more.”
Tavros gnawed at his raw lip. “I’m sorry. For interrupting, I mean!” he added quickly at the look on Gamzee’s face. “I won’t say anything until you’re done.”
Gamzee nodded, gulped, and took another deep steadying breath before continuing.
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