........I want Beeker back
I wish I could just run off of our balcony right now to the rocks below. So much easier just to end it all right here and now. But I can't because that would just be running away.
For every action there is a consiquence and a person should be strong enough to stand and face those consequences because they know that that is what they deserve.
I did something horrible. So horible, so very horible. I betrayed those closest to me and threw away everything precious to me like it was nothing. I had no major remorse, I had no second thoughts or any nagging concious in the back of my mind going "this isn't such a good idea." He was tied up and thrown into a coffin and buried along time ago when I had my back turned or I just didn't care. The other day not to long ago I looked into the mirror and where there was once a light in my eyes and the blue in them shone through brightly, looking kinf of like Kiba eyes, there was nothing but empty blackness. Even the blue in my eyes was getting darker and darker. That sight scared the shit out of me more than anything ever could. They kept getting darker as I continued to betray my friends.
As for what I did, I stole from my own two roomates. What's more, I stole from my sister and brother. I hurt them more than anything. Rem cried, she cried when she was yelling in the kitchen at me the other night! That tore me apart inside knowing that I actually made her cry and yet no tears or anything came to my own eyes! My god what had I become.
Here's the whole story just to get it out in the open and just to be able to put it down somewhere. There's a place within walking distance of the apartment that buys, sells and trades used dvds. At first when I needed some money I was foolish and went through my dvd collection, taking a bunch and selling them to the place for cash. Eventually, my dvd's got low..................I went through and took some of my roomates dvd's. Taking them to the place and selling the for cash. Then, turning around and saying I had no idea where they went when my roomates asked me about them.
They trusted me and I betrayed them. I don't know what's happening to me lately. I think back to when we all first where living back at the towers first and second quarter. When we where all laughing and hanging out and just having fun. I want it to be like that again, so very badly. I want to be the roadie, I want to be red.....I WANT MY BEEKERNESS BACK!!!!!! I hate what's happening to me, I truly do and it sickens me to think that I let it get this far.
I want my old beekerness back and I'm so, so scared that I don't even know what it was anymore. I'm so afraid of losing myself to the point where I will never be able to find me again. I'm through with the lies and the deciet. I don't want to hurt Rem or Vash anymore, I don't want to hurt my sister or my brother. I'm truly sorry for everything that I have ever done to anyone. I never wanted to cause such pain
For every action there is a consiquence and a person should be strong enough to stand and face those consequences because they know that that is what they deserve.
I did something horrible. So horible, so very horible. I betrayed those closest to me and threw away everything precious to me like it was nothing. I had no major remorse, I had no second thoughts or any nagging concious in the back of my mind going "this isn't such a good idea." He was tied up and thrown into a coffin and buried along time ago when I had my back turned or I just didn't care. The other day not to long ago I looked into the mirror and where there was once a light in my eyes and the blue in them shone through brightly, looking kinf of like Kiba eyes, there was nothing but empty blackness. Even the blue in my eyes was getting darker and darker. That sight scared the shit out of me more than anything ever could. They kept getting darker as I continued to betray my friends.
As for what I did, I stole from my own two roomates. What's more, I stole from my sister and brother. I hurt them more than anything. Rem cried, she cried when she was yelling in the kitchen at me the other night! That tore me apart inside knowing that I actually made her cry and yet no tears or anything came to my own eyes! My god what had I become.
Here's the whole story just to get it out in the open and just to be able to put it down somewhere. There's a place within walking distance of the apartment that buys, sells and trades used dvds. At first when I needed some money I was foolish and went through my dvd collection, taking a bunch and selling them to the place for cash. Eventually, my dvd's got low..................I went through and took some of my roomates dvd's. Taking them to the place and selling the for cash. Then, turning around and saying I had no idea where they went when my roomates asked me about them.
They trusted me and I betrayed them. I don't know what's happening to me lately. I think back to when we all first where living back at the towers first and second quarter. When we where all laughing and hanging out and just having fun. I want it to be like that again, so very badly. I want to be the roadie, I want to be red.....I WANT MY BEEKERNESS BACK!!!!!! I hate what's happening to me, I truly do and it sickens me to think that I let it get this far.
I want my old beekerness back and I'm so, so scared that I don't even know what it was anymore. I'm so afraid of losing myself to the point where I will never be able to find me again. I'm through with the lies and the deciet. I don't want to hurt Rem or Vash anymore, I don't want to hurt my sister or my brother. I'm truly sorry for everything that I have ever done to anyone. I never wanted to cause such pain