Pit-Diving 101, or Moose and Squirrel Riff Bad Fanfiction
After spending three or four nights on the Pit, I've found quite a few little treasures in the KH section. These include:
The fic in which Terra kisses Aqua's bloody knee wound and then kisses her (what's even better is the fact that the author doesn't seem to understand that this is a complete squick);
The direct port of Beauty and the Beast, complete with songs, that just has all the names changed (boring as hell, except for the point when the romantic "Belle!Aqua teaches Beast!Terra to read" scene is interrupted by one throwaway line mentioning two Heartless eating a third. CANNIBALISM: IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER);
The canon-to-AU fic that describes how things would have changed had events in the Keyblade Graveyard played out differently - basically a rewrite of the Final Episode with Terra in Aqua's place (the laundry list of Things Wrong With This Fic includes Aqua being completely sidelined into the role of distressed-female-love-interest, Ven pickpocketing Aqua's Wayfinder while she's unconscious, Terra fighting the Mysterious Figure as his Mark of Mastery exam [how many of you out there just cringed? Yeah, thought so], Instant Lingering Sentiment - Just Add Keyblade, Why Would You Do That To Vanitas, and...yeah. Holy cow. About the only thing IC in this fic is the fact that Terra still makes exceedingly stupid choices);
And the AU fic in which normal!guy!Terra winds up with a Keyblade and a pledge to protect princess!Aqua by...having sex with her (Terra is somehow injured enough to rip his wounds open by yelling, but well enough to have sex. We seem to have returned to the Bloody Kiss dynamic. GOOD JOB THERE, AUTHOR).
The lesson in all this is, never put "Character: Terra" in the search filter in the KH section of FFN and expect, you know, quality. It doesn't seem to work.
Because of all this idiocy, in addition to the Keyblade Rangers and KH3/Tron: Legacy projects, I also want to write an AU fic in which Terra is a knight assigned to protect Aqua the princess and who is often assisted on his missions by a mysterious figure who often outperforms him...and happens to be Aqua in disguise, since she's a complete badass, which nobody wants to believe since she's also a princess. Think the Zelda/Sheik dynamic. This will include plenty of badassery, mistaken identity shenanigans, and Aqua being the one to start the relationship, because "If I waited for you to make a move we'd be here forever."
I am a sarcastic, impatient, trope-inverting little author and I love every minute of it.
The fic in which Terra kisses Aqua's bloody knee wound and then kisses her (what's even better is the fact that the author doesn't seem to understand that this is a complete squick);
The direct port of Beauty and the Beast, complete with songs, that just has all the names changed (boring as hell, except for the point when the romantic "Belle!Aqua teaches Beast!Terra to read" scene is interrupted by one throwaway line mentioning two Heartless eating a third. CANNIBALISM: IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER);
The canon-to-AU fic that describes how things would have changed had events in the Keyblade Graveyard played out differently - basically a rewrite of the Final Episode with Terra in Aqua's place (the laundry list of Things Wrong With This Fic includes Aqua being completely sidelined into the role of distressed-female-love-interest, Ven pickpocketing Aqua's Wayfinder while she's unconscious, Terra fighting the Mysterious Figure as his Mark of Mastery exam [how many of you out there just cringed? Yeah, thought so], Instant Lingering Sentiment - Just Add Keyblade, Why Would You Do That To Vanitas, and...yeah. Holy cow. About the only thing IC in this fic is the fact that Terra still makes exceedingly stupid choices);
And the AU fic in which normal!guy!Terra winds up with a Keyblade and a pledge to protect princess!Aqua by...having sex with her (Terra is somehow injured enough to rip his wounds open by yelling, but well enough to have sex. We seem to have returned to the Bloody Kiss dynamic. GOOD JOB THERE, AUTHOR).
The lesson in all this is, never put "Character: Terra" in the search filter in the KH section of FFN and expect, you know, quality. It doesn't seem to work.
Because of all this idiocy, in addition to the Keyblade Rangers and KH3/Tron: Legacy projects, I also want to write an AU fic in which Terra is a knight assigned to protect Aqua the princess and who is often assisted on his missions by a mysterious figure who often outperforms him...and happens to be Aqua in disguise, since she's a complete badass, which nobody wants to believe since she's also a princess. Think the Zelda/Sheik dynamic. This will include plenty of badassery, mistaken identity shenanigans, and Aqua being the one to start the relationship, because "If I waited for you to make a move we'd be here forever."
I am a sarcastic, impatient, trope-inverting little author and I love every minute of it.