Power Outage Part 3 i cant believe this!
so im sitting in my friend Ashleis room because my power has gone out again and i have to evacuate from regents so i decided to go off campus... its really late and my father is comming tomorrow... this would have been the weekend that Justin would have come up had we still been together (not suggesting just thinking about it) Regardless i never know what to do with my father i know that were going to ahaunted house and then were gonna go out to eat with Ashleis mom and john and his parents... i think that it will be good to have all of the parents meet one another i jst wish that my mom would be here too because my dad has no clue about opera and that part of my life he knows that i sing but not if its good or about singers or about my life in general for the past 8 years but hey ill give that hes been there for me more than my mom within this past year. hes a good guy i just need to get to know him and i still dont. so im also going to the doctors tomorrow because i think that im getting sick and that is not a possible factor that can be added to my plate right now. i just need someone to share all this shit with... it will happen eventually... probably when im out of college. but i decided that i want to get married by the time im 25...
ok heres my reasoning behind that... so, if i was straight i know that i would be an awesome father and i would raise my kids in a traditional Catholic family setting (well my interpretation at least) i would probably have a bunch of kids (5 or 7) um id probably marry someone between Judy, Deborah, and Ashlei... uhhh id sing and support my entire family and always love my wife with all my heart and pretty much just be happy forever. but in order for me to have all of these things i would have to start all of these things early like 25 ish so thats why i choose that...
Now the fact is that im gay so as much as id still like to have found that special someone by the time im 25 is highly unlikely and i know that i wont be having any kids (mychoice not my partners) i think that there are too many issues that involve the gay parents and the child i dont want to be part of that i want the children to be happy and live a normal life and not have to defend themselves about why they have two fathers... Catholic i have come to find out is something that most gays shun??? i dont get why they should do that im not forcing anybody else to practice my religion in fact i love learning about other religions and even stealing the ideas of other religions (they are all interwoven... when/if i ever do get married they would probably be like everyone i have been with... you see im not a bad judge of character i know that all of the people that i have been with are very special... the sad part is they dont feel the same you see i am attracted to the tragic hero type, the person who can make me happy but in the end theres one thing about them that gets in the way of me and them and for some reason the thing that isnt going to help them in the end always wins/defeats them. (please nobody take this the wrong way) so i know that everybody i have dated/gone out with has been a expierence worth having because it was a learning but i guess that i have a lot more to learn. so basically the perfect on would of course be all of the good things minus the character flaw. I would still sing and id probably cart my husband around with me everywhere i went because i wouldnt want to be apart (ok maybe not all the time but most of the time as long as he behaves). So since im gay should i have to wait till later to do these things??? i dont really think so... i think that ill stick to that dream, at least it gives me something to look toward (not obsess about just a note in my head that i would like for it to happen that way eventhough i know that its unrealistic)...
well im getting tired and more and more well nevermind...
everybody have a goodnight!!!! Miss you DeB, Colleen, Jude, Shli, Justin, Derrick, Mathu, Tony, mom, Dad, AJ (ill see you soon tho saur!!!)GOD, and anybody else that means anything to me...
ok heres my reasoning behind that... so, if i was straight i know that i would be an awesome father and i would raise my kids in a traditional Catholic family setting (well my interpretation at least) i would probably have a bunch of kids (5 or 7) um id probably marry someone between Judy, Deborah, and Ashlei... uhhh id sing and support my entire family and always love my wife with all my heart and pretty much just be happy forever. but in order for me to have all of these things i would have to start all of these things early like 25 ish so thats why i choose that...
Now the fact is that im gay so as much as id still like to have found that special someone by the time im 25 is highly unlikely and i know that i wont be having any kids (mychoice not my partners) i think that there are too many issues that involve the gay parents and the child i dont want to be part of that i want the children to be happy and live a normal life and not have to defend themselves about why they have two fathers... Catholic i have come to find out is something that most gays shun??? i dont get why they should do that im not forcing anybody else to practice my religion in fact i love learning about other religions and even stealing the ideas of other religions (they are all interwoven... when/if i ever do get married they would probably be like everyone i have been with... you see im not a bad judge of character i know that all of the people that i have been with are very special... the sad part is they dont feel the same you see i am attracted to the tragic hero type, the person who can make me happy but in the end theres one thing about them that gets in the way of me and them and for some reason the thing that isnt going to help them in the end always wins/defeats them. (please nobody take this the wrong way) so i know that everybody i have dated/gone out with has been a expierence worth having because it was a learning but i guess that i have a lot more to learn. so basically the perfect on would of course be all of the good things minus the character flaw. I would still sing and id probably cart my husband around with me everywhere i went because i wouldnt want to be apart (ok maybe not all the time but most of the time as long as he behaves). So since im gay should i have to wait till later to do these things??? i dont really think so... i think that ill stick to that dream, at least it gives me something to look toward (not obsess about just a note in my head that i would like for it to happen that way eventhough i know that its unrealistic)...
well im getting tired and more and more well nevermind...
everybody have a goodnight!!!! Miss you DeB, Colleen, Jude, Shli, Justin, Derrick, Mathu, Tony, mom, Dad, AJ (ill see you soon tho saur!!!)GOD, and anybody else that means anything to me...