What a Catch
I have a midterm to be writing. Two 3-4 page essays on Asian American history due tomorrow. I have yet to start either of them. And because procrastination is more of a religion than simply a practice for me, I am instead going to write a little update for you, dear lj. And I suppose I can use the excuse that it helps get the creative juices flowing by writing informally first before starting to write the midterm. It's a legit excuse, my professor really did tell us to blog before we started.
But that is really just an excuse for me. Chances are I'll be pulling an all-nighter regardless.
Actually, I've spent the majority of the day pointedly ignoring the blank open Word document on my computer and have instead been sifting through endless conversation folders since I have nothing better to be doing (midterm doesn't count - my procrastination has a process). Mostly '08 and some '09. There is much I forgot about actually, but a few things struck me as particularly interesting because I really did forget about this one small window where the pattern was disrupted for a while.
After nearly two months of awkward silence, we made up over the terrible issue that almost destroyed our friendship (I still hate myself for that, dammit), but the odd thing about it was we didn't jump back into the World we put on hold, despite how good we've always been at getting back on track. It was like They needed time to forgive us as much as you needed time to forgive me. So instead, and as we often do, we slipped into a different sort of something before restarting the World we both loved. It was almost like practice before we jumped back into something we hadn't dealt with in quite some time. It's truly ridiculous though how quickly and easy it is to shift our realities with the simple mention of a name, the way even the smallest details, down to posture and even habitual quirks change so suddenly to become something more, someone else but still in a way ourselves. And there is no way to understand it unless you are sitting in a room and watching us carefully, because it is usually without warning or pretense and suddenly we are not the two people you think you know. We slip into people not quite ourselves and everything flows so naturally, it's incredible. Even when we would text one another, it was always, James or Greg or Limpy or Jimmy, never us. The wit and banter and fond, almost-insults flowed so easily between us that anyone reading our conversations could quite possibly mistake us for the real characters. The innuendos, the vampire-Wilson, the self-righteous quips, the halfhearted enabling, the hookers. Everything was us but it was so very them. Are we like them or are they like us? The lines are so easily blurred that it's usually best to not even question.
I doubt this makes any bit of sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to you, and honestly, after rereading everything, I sort of miss the two nutcases. It was certainly kind of strange to suddenly not be who we were so used to portraying, but it was new and it was fun while it lasted. There was hesitance, sure, because neither of us knew just how far to take it since it wasn't our usual reality and we weren't quite sure what to do; we didn't have set boundaries yet. But then James bit Greg's neck, and the jerk liked it to an almost obsessive point (though that is definitely nothing new). It was all just really freaking cute, the tiny smiles and hooker-threats to get attention, and especially the "I love you's" but-I-damn-well-won't-admit-it.
It makes me think of that story you were writing about us, the one from Cheese's perspective. So often, we are so many different people at the same time, but every single one of them makes us who we are, for the moment we are missing even one, we become less of our true selves. It's sort of ironic and convoluted, but it makes perfect, irrefutable sense to me. I fucking love our dysfunctional friendship, because there is not another soul in the world who could ever understand what we share.
You're half of our crazy peoples running around in the World that has become so precious to us both over the last six and a half years.
You are my Wilson, my Eiri, my Hisoka, my Gus/Twisty, my Kaname, my Mio, my Conan.
You are the daddy of our kids, my very best friend, my dark, the other half of my soul.
My Michelley.
It doesn't matter what reality we are in, that will never, ever change. <3
But that is really just an excuse for me. Chances are I'll be pulling an all-nighter regardless.
Actually, I've spent the majority of the day pointedly ignoring the blank open Word document on my computer and have instead been sifting through endless conversation folders since I have nothing better to be doing (midterm doesn't count - my procrastination has a process). Mostly '08 and some '09. There is much I forgot about actually, but a few things struck me as particularly interesting because I really did forget about this one small window where the pattern was disrupted for a while.
After nearly two months of awkward silence, we made up over the terrible issue that almost destroyed our friendship (I still hate myself for that, dammit), but the odd thing about it was we didn't jump back into the World we put on hold, despite how good we've always been at getting back on track. It was like They needed time to forgive us as much as you needed time to forgive me. So instead, and as we often do, we slipped into a different sort of something before restarting the World we both loved. It was almost like practice before we jumped back into something we hadn't dealt with in quite some time. It's truly ridiculous though how quickly and easy it is to shift our realities with the simple mention of a name, the way even the smallest details, down to posture and even habitual quirks change so suddenly to become something more, someone else but still in a way ourselves. And there is no way to understand it unless you are sitting in a room and watching us carefully, because it is usually without warning or pretense and suddenly we are not the two people you think you know. We slip into people not quite ourselves and everything flows so naturally, it's incredible. Even when we would text one another, it was always, James or Greg or Limpy or Jimmy, never us. The wit and banter and fond, almost-insults flowed so easily between us that anyone reading our conversations could quite possibly mistake us for the real characters. The innuendos, the vampire-Wilson, the self-righteous quips, the halfhearted enabling, the hookers. Everything was us but it was so very them. Are we like them or are they like us? The lines are so easily blurred that it's usually best to not even question.
I doubt this makes any bit of sense to anyone else, but it makes sense to you, and honestly, after rereading everything, I sort of miss the two nutcases. It was certainly kind of strange to suddenly not be who we were so used to portraying, but it was new and it was fun while it lasted. There was hesitance, sure, because neither of us knew just how far to take it since it wasn't our usual reality and we weren't quite sure what to do; we didn't have set boundaries yet. But then James bit Greg's neck, and the jerk liked it to an almost obsessive point (though that is definitely nothing new). It was all just really freaking cute, the tiny smiles and hooker-threats to get attention, and especially the "I love you's" but-I-damn-well-won't-admit-it.
It makes me think of that story you were writing about us, the one from Cheese's perspective. So often, we are so many different people at the same time, but every single one of them makes us who we are, for the moment we are missing even one, we become less of our true selves. It's sort of ironic and convoluted, but it makes perfect, irrefutable sense to me. I fucking love our dysfunctional friendship, because there is not another soul in the world who could ever understand what we share.
You're half of our crazy peoples running around in the World that has become so precious to us both over the last six and a half years.
You are my Wilson, my Eiri, my Hisoka, my Gus/Twisty, my Kaname, my Mio, my Conan.
You are the daddy of our kids, my very best friend, my dark, the other half of my soul.
My Michelley.
It doesn't matter what reality we are in, that will never, ever change. <3