Breathing In Slowflakes
Author's Note: This chapter is based off of an original song that my friend made. So that being said I hope you like it!
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Lose Yourself
The weekend didn't deliver any rest to Iruka, who had a mission that Saturday morning. The night before he felt sick and he didn't eat anything. When he woke, the pain had not subsided and in fact it seemed worse. Iruka didn't care at that moment, he only hurried to the bathroom and cleaned himself.
Putting on his clothes, he left the house, closing the door behind him.
It was snowing in Konoha. Snowflakes danced as they tumbled on unexpecting people. Men, women and children cheered and ran, throwing snowballs at each other, and making snowmen and snow angels.
Iruka looked at a girl, one of his students, laying down in the snow. As cold as it was, she looked so happy and peaceful. She was motionless, as she was covered in a cold blanket of white. A smile had crept up on her young and youthful face.
She didn't notice her teacher, so he only walked along the path.
As Iruka walked through the snowy backdrop, he couldn't help but let his mind wonder on Kakashi. Who was that woman he was with yesterday? Kakashi of all people kissed her, so she was precious to him. She was beautiful, Iruka had to admit, but he still felt like he was being treated unfairly.
Small images forced himself into his mind, whether it was children running, or the pale color of Kakashi's hair. The spin of his red eye, and the façade he hid behind that mask. He was a fake man, everybody should've known that. He lied to his students, to his peers and to his friends. But now Iruka knew him, he saw past the show he put up for everybody else.
As Iruka read over the instructions for the mission, he felt his stomach turning. The sudden urge to vomit nearly took over him but he held everything down. He then realized that he hadn't eaten anything at all. So perhaps he was sick?
He stood before Tsunade, who attempted to read him as he made faces that she wasn't sure of. He attempted to avoid eye contact, and kept his eyes glued to the paper before him. Silence, painful silence passed between the two until Tsunade spoke.
"Simple enough?" She asked in a calm manner. "Iruka?"
"Yes, Hokage-Sama." He replied with a smile. "Am I completing it alone?"
"To my knowledge, yes. I had my doubts of course, you'll be going through bandit territory." She paused and began again. "At first, I had a jounin assigned to go with you."
"Which was…"
"Hatake Kakashi." She said calmly, not noticing the way Iruka looked at her.
"Why have things changed?" He asked with a dry voice.
"He, well..." She smiled. "His heart's been tied with another's. A girlfriend, if you may. The two are pretty close, so I gave him some time off to be with her."
Iruka didn't even realize he was clenching his own fists. It was Tsunade who made him aware. "Iruka? She asked. "Is there a problem? Your fists."
"Oh!" He forced a painful smile. "He's just skipping out it seems. So I guess I'm going alone?"
"Kurenai is going with you." Tsunade smiled.
"Oh..." Iruka sounded unfocused, this caught the Hokage's attention.
"Sit down Iruka, you look pale. Is something wrong with you?"
"No." He lied, sitting down in the chair before her desk. "Things have just..." He placed his hand on his head and smiled, quickly shaking his head. "Everything is fine."
Kurenai had arrived minutes later.
She was tired, but had a big smile on her face. Taking care of both a crying baby and a handicapped husband had finally taken a toll on her, but she didn't care. It made her stronger, and it made her a better woman.
However, upon entering Tsunade's office, her mood changed.
She saw Iruka sitting in the chair in front of the Hokage, but something looked different about him. At the time, Kurenai couldn't point it out, so she decided to ignore it.
She received instructions for the mission and the two were briefed instantly.
Iruka felt as if someone had taken a knife and plunged it into his stomach, leaving a wound.
With every tree he jumped, he fought the urge not to throw up, so many times he lagged behind. He could tell that this worried Kurenai, as she would go back to him.
"I'm fine..." He would reassure her, and in his mind only hope that he was.
Perhaps this pain, in the pit of his stomach was fear, because everywhere he looked, everyone he saw...Kakashi was there, staring at him.
He didn't want Kurenai to see that hidden fear he held. As much as Kakashi had hurt him, Iruka didn't wish for his friend's, Kakashi's friend's to think bad of him.
Sighing, and ignoring Kurenai's pleading looks, the two continued on their mission.
"We're almost there." Kurenai broke the silence. "You have the scrolls?"
"Yes." Iruka replied from behind her. "I'm surprised we haven't run into any bandits."
"Don't speak too soon." Kurenai joked, noticing he didn't respond. She landed on a tree and looked back at him, but he wasn't there. "Iruka?" She asked out loud. "Where are_"
She heard the noises from below and jumped down.
She gasped when she saw him gagging violently and immediately ran over to him. "Iruka!" She placed a hand on his back and waited for him to get finished. When finally he stood, she looked at him and finally noticed what she hadn't before.
His eyes. There was something about them, something different. Whether it was fear, or agony she didn't know but she wanted to get to the bottom of it.
"What's wrong?" She asked. "Tell me."
"I..." He swayed for a while, as if he was losing his balance.
Kurenai watched him, in confusion before he lost consciousness, and made a sloppy fall for the ground. She caught him, before he could fall. Sitting on the ground, she held him in her arms and placed her hand on his forehead.
"God...you're burning up." She said with her usual worried voice.
Suddenly she heard a rustle in the bushes behind her and took out a kunai. For seconds she waited until the being showed itself.
A bird. She thought to herself as it flew away. Nevertheless, they were in the open and that meant danger.
The mission came second, as of now, Iruka came first.
Standing up, and slumping him over her shoulder, Kurenai made the journey to find safety.
It was night, as a dark shadow stretched itself over the lands of the hidden leaf village.
Iruka, walked through the streets with his head down, quickly trying to get home. He felt like there were eyes glued on him, people from all over looking at him. He felt like a stranger, in his own village.
It still didn't stop him from heading to his destination, in fact, he started running. He didn't like this eerie feeling that lurked behind him, like a cat to a helpless mouse, he felt vulnerable.
It didn't take him long to get home, and when he unlocked the door, he felt safe. However, that was only short lived, as the darkness began to consume his house.
He couldn't see anything, he could only feel. And he felt a negative presence, he felt that he wasn't alone. Fear gripped him, and he attempted to scream, but nothing came out. He was only trapped by something invisible...something that felt all too familiar.
"You're warm..." The, Kakashi's voice repeated itself time after time as Iruka began to relive that night over and over again.
Iruka fell to his knees and screamed, begged the voice to go away, but it just got louder and louder...closer and closer...
He was in the park, looking at two people. They were happy, a man and a woman. Iruka wasn't entirely sure why his mind had brought him here, but then he understood.
Kakashi and his girlfriend, walking hand and hand, kissing each other with every second they had. Iruka was forced to watch in horror and he barely held back another scream.
The two then turned and looked at him and laughed for a while, before Kakashi spoke. "You were a fun toy Iruka...but you're used, I want something better." Then they laughed at Iruka, as tears welled in his eyes.
He wanted to scream, but a pain overtook him...a sharp pain.
He looked at his stomach and saw a hole forming. Blood began to spurt out and stain the snow white ground below. He fell to his knees and screamed for help, but no one heard him...no one stopped to help him. They all just walked by, as if he didn't exist.
Iruka woke up screaming, and clutching his stomach.
Kurenai, who had made a fire rushed over to him and once again, took him in her arms. It didn't take her long to notice that he was crying, hysterically. He began to shake as well.
Kurenai just held him tight, like the mother and wife she was. She didn't let him go, she didn't yell at him...she just comforted him until he stopped crying.
When he had finally finished, she didn't push him away from her, she only asked a question. "What's wrong Iruka, please be honest with me."
He sighed...and moved away from Kurenai.
"If I explain, you have to promise to keep everything between the two of us." He looked at her. "Swear it..."
"I swear." Kurenai said, as she prepared herself for what she believed would be something minor.
Iruka knew that she would be in for the shock of her life, but he told the story anyway, starting from the beginning all the way to the end. It was painful for him to explain the rape and then to explain his shock when he saw Kakashi with someone else. But anger was not what consumed him the most. It was the fear, the fear that he believed was making him sick. It was twisting him from the inside out and he didn't like it at all.
As usual, he tried his best to keep in his tears but they flowed from his eyes and down his cheeks. He felt weak for crying, and ashamed for it...but noticed that Kurenai cried to.
She crawled over to him, with tears in her eyes and placed her shaking hand on his.
And for once, ever since the ordeal, Iruka didn't feel so lonely anymore.