(no subject)
No more secrets... not from him and not from my friends. It's time I let people get to know me...
It's not that I didn't love him, but there was something in my past that hurt me truly deeply. I hope with by telling him about it and telling him about how I feel, somehow it'll help me get over losing my best friend. ._. We were the best of friends when I was six years old, and we spent every day together for over a year. Then suddenly, she just didn't show up. I didn't know why she did, but the day after, my granpa took me to the hospital to see her... and after a while having stayed by her side all day, is when she died... but even there, I never got to say goodbye... she had died in her sleep. I can understand why, at the time, they couldn't tell me what she died of, but even now, at fifteen, my grandfather STILL hasn't told me, and I know that he knows about it ._. It's like the letter from my mother that he hid from me all these years.
Is it no wonder I have such a profound fear of abandonment?
And it is for that reason I couldn't tell Atemu anything... until today anyway. Even my friends I'm afraid to get close to, but somehow, Atemu overpowered my sense of fear and showed me something I hadn't felt in years. He loves me. He has told me this repeatedly, and now I can fairly say with near absolute certainty that he can call me his own. There are still somethings that I am not sure of, however, but with my cousin's love, I know I can overcome them. It will just take time.
((ooc: @_@ <-- there is so much of 'me' in this post you guys will never know @_@ /random))
It's not that I didn't love him, but there was something in my past that hurt me truly deeply. I hope with by telling him about it and telling him about how I feel, somehow it'll help me get over losing my best friend. ._. We were the best of friends when I was six years old, and we spent every day together for over a year. Then suddenly, she just didn't show up. I didn't know why she did, but the day after, my granpa took me to the hospital to see her... and after a while having stayed by her side all day, is when she died... but even there, I never got to say goodbye... she had died in her sleep. I can understand why, at the time, they couldn't tell me what she died of, but even now, at fifteen, my grandfather STILL hasn't told me, and I know that he knows about it ._. It's like the letter from my mother that he hid from me all these years.
Is it no wonder I have such a profound fear of abandonment?
And it is for that reason I couldn't tell Atemu anything... until today anyway. Even my friends I'm afraid to get close to, but somehow, Atemu overpowered my sense of fear and showed me something I hadn't felt in years. He loves me. He has told me this repeatedly, and now I can fairly say with near absolute certainty that he can call me his own. There are still somethings that I am not sure of, however, but with my cousin's love, I know I can overcome them. It will just take time.
((ooc: @_@ <-- there is so much of 'me' in this post you guys will never know @_@ /random))