Fic: G1 AU - Yesterday's Ashes - Part 2
Title: Yesterday's Ashes
Rating: M
Universe: G1 AU
Pairings: Starscream/Perceptor, past Skyfire/Starscream and past Skyfire/Perceptor; implied others
Warnings: Slash, sticky, rape, mpreg, slavery, death, torture, trauma, miscarriages, sparklings, dystopia
Word Count: 13 592
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Perceptor moaned helplessly as he felt the rush of heat inside him, signaling the Seeker had finished his ‘business’ with his body, and he sagged in relief as he heard him grunt and felt him pull out. Starscream wasn’t Skyfire, far from it. Where the shuttle had been playful, tender and suave, Starscream was brisk, insisting and unforgiving. The littlest flaw, the littlest move, the littlest spasm of his valve was commented disdainfully, to the microscope’s shame.
He found Perceptor’s valve either too tight or too loose, found his involuntary reactions to his ministrations either the proof he was a tramp or a prude, dismissed his pleas for a slower or faster pace, all in one, was very unpleasant. He hardly hit Perceptor, though, aside of a couple of slaps to make him obey his commands faster. He uttered threats, but didn’t follow through. Perceptor wasn’t going to make the mistake of assuming that the Seeker wouldn’t make them come true if he pushed too much.
He wouldn’t be carrying eternally, and come the birth, he didn’t know what would happen. His best hope, so far, was to obey Starscream’s every whims and pray the Seeker would settle down with time.
Not that Perceptor could actually disobey, even if he had wanted to. He has in a too vulnerable state to even try. He had to think about the sparkling, after all.
Skyfire’s sparkling…
“What a lousy lay,” he heard Starscream sniping in the darkness. “How could Skyfire even take pleasure in fragging you?” Perceptor didn’t manage to restrain a sob. ‘Oh, Skyfire…’ “Oh, did I hurt your feelings, Autobot? Does the truth hurt?”
A hand caressed his abdomen gently. It always amazed him how much, despite his blatant hatred for him and the abuse he made him live through Starscream could be gentle when he thought nobody was watching. Well, aside of Perceptor, and he didn’t count. And it wasn’t to Perceptor he was nice; it was to the unborn sparkling nesting in his gestational chamber. Still, Perceptor had to wonder about this aspect of Starscream. Was it the mech Skyfire had loved resurfacing? Perhaps, perhaps not. That mech wasn’t interested in making things easier for Perceptor, so what did it matter?
He felt Starscream’s cheek press against his middle. “Your most precious and useful feature is inside. I wouldn’t even consider putting up with you if that little one didn’t exist, you know?”
Yes, Perceptor knew. Starscream always took his time to explain at great lengths why Perceptor was unworthy of actually bearing an offspring of Skyfire, and how ‘lucky’ he was to be carrying, or how Starscream would have made sure he suffered or was handed over to some vicious ‘Masters’, like, say, Vortex. The thought alone had almost made Perceptor faint with fear and shock, to Starscream’s amusement.
“Though I suppose your mind and supposed brilliance could make you useful in other areas,” he mused. “I may, if I’m inclined to, get you a small workshop in one of the local labs. We always need more arms and minds to recreate some of the schools. The sparkling will definitely need an education, and I intend for it to be top notch,” he continued.
Perceptor didn’t answer. He just… listened. Starscream was in an excellent mood today, it seemed. That was probably the first time he alluded to having plans for Perceptor… well, aside of making him his punching bag and occasional sex toy. For all of his complaints about Perceptor being repulsive to his tastes, he certainly seemed to enjoy their ‘lovemaking sessions’. Typical Starscream, he supposed, to preach one thing and believe another. Though it might be something subconscious on his part? He hated Perceptor because he had been Skyfire’s lover. At the same time, a part of him liked Perceptor in some way because he resembled Skyfire in mindset. He was a brilliant scientist, a pacifist in his own ways and a gentle spark. Something Starscream might have been longing for subconsciously.
At least, it was a fantasy Perceptor entertained sometimes, to try not to totally fall into despair.
“He’s going to be wonderful, I just know it,” Starscream muttered almost inaudibly. “I’m going to make sure of it…”
Starscream wasn’t thinking straight, Perceptor had realized. In this newly founded Decepticon Empire, Skyfire’s sparkling was going to be ‘pure Autobot’. He was a future slave too, though Starscream seemed to refuse to even think about it. The sparkling was important, because it was a reminder of what could have been, something infinitely precious to him. His future place was in a warlike society which would scorn him for his parents’ choices didn’t matter… yet.
Starscream’s hands roamed over his frame, one of them settling down again between his legs, making the microscope shudder.
“No,” he groaned, “not again…” he said, not able to stop himself, despite knowing the Seeker wouldn’t take that well. The reaction was instantaneous. He was backhanded harshly.
“What was that? Are you… denying your Master?” he purred.
Perceptor trembled. “N… n… no, Master,” he sputtered. “I would not…” A little slap against his left cheek, but he barely felt it.
“Are you feeling sore after our last romp?” Starscream asked.
“No… No, Master,” he amended quickly. He knew better than to lie to Starscream by now. The Seeker would back off if he thought his slave was in pain, and would even call a medic if needed, but Perceptor had better be in serious pain for him to do so. The Seeker knew how to read his body language, even in the dark. He knew the Autobot wasn’t damaged; he had always been careful after the first few times to not cause any intimate injuries. He just played a little game of power.
Starscream patted his head. “So there is no objection to me putting more transfluid in for the sparkling, is there?” he asked deceptively gently.
“No, Master,” Perceptor answered with a desperate tune, and he parted his legs wider, giving Starscream better access to his frame. Then he shuttered his optics, hoping the Seeker wouldn’t draw it out longer than strictly necessary…
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Struck speechless for a moment, the microscope finally found his voice back.
“That was… a very low blow, even for you,” Perceptor uttered softly. His voice was full of statics and restrained emotions.
Had he been a nicer mech, Starscream might have felt sorry for him. But instead, he felt a tug of victory at having been able to make him react.
He gave a shrug. “Well, you don’t seem to care much for our daughter here, so I had to wonder if it had any effect on you,” he said almost flippantly, gesturing at the dead sparkling restful frame, but anyone could see he didn’t feel any amount of cheer, at all.
Perceptor’s optics went to the greyed, small frame, and he flinched. A single tear made his way from his optics. Starscream watched him dispassionately.
“So, you did care about her… in some ways at least,” he stated. “I suppose you do; I saw you play with her sometimes. Hadn’t seen you smile like that since… well, not since you lived with me, I guess,” he muttered.
“Did you… did you think I really didn’t?” the microscope asked him, looking at the little frame.
“That’s what your Prime kind of implied,” the Seeker answered him.
Perceptor nibbled at his lip. “It’s… complicated. Most of us didn’t form emotional attachment to… to the sparklings we bore. It…hurt too much, most of the times. To care, and think… what they’re going to end up…” ‘like their Sires’ went unsaid, but Starscream understood anyway. Perceptor shifted uneasily. “But... I… you made me care for her exclusively and…”
“And you grew attached. Barely, but enough to give me the impression you loved her more than you did,” Starscream completed, taking in Perceptor dejected look. “You’re a good actor… or I’m becoming very unobservant, or arrogant.”
The microscope didn’t answer, and for a time, there was nothing more to say. Outside, they could hear mechs running, people wailing about the deaths of the young sparklings, especially Megatron’s heir.
“Would have it been different?” the Seeker suddenly asked, startling Perceptor. “Would have it been any different, had you raised Skyfire’s sparkling before you bore mine?”
The microscope shifted. “You… why do you ask…?”
“You loved him, didn’t you? Skyfire. And that sparkling he got you with. I saw your looks, sometimes, when you thought you were alone… heard you talk to him aloud, wondering what you were going to name it… wondering if he would have thought it was a good name…” Starscream said brokenly.
Perceptor sagged. “That… you… doubted... you thought... that I didn’t love either of them? Why?”
The Seeker shrugged. “I have my reasons.” Unsaid were said reasons, but Perceptor could guess. Jealousy. Possessiveness. Core belief that Perceptor wasn’t and would never be good enough for the shuttle. The bad break-up making him despise anyone Skyfire could be close to. Paranoia. Lots and lots of possible reasons Perceptor didn’t feel like analyzing or rationalizing to himself.
“So?” Starscream asked again. “Would it have made a difference?”
Perceptor tried to think about it. He really did. He didn’t know what to answer, because he had never expected the question to pop up. Starscream watched intensely as he fumbled for something to say.
“Ah, don’t answer,” he finally said, before Perceptor could even formulated a clear answer. “It’s just wistful thinking, anyway,” Starscream said quietly. “He died, and that’s it. No second guessing.”
“It wasn’t my fault, though,” the microscope whispered. “It never was.”
Starscream looked at him. Really, really looked at him, and remembered the time past, what he saw and what he didn’t see in time. “No,” he acknowledged for the first time, making Perceptor stare at him in bewilderment. “It never was…”
-_-_-_-_-_-_-
Perceptor lay silently on the medical berth. He felt… empty. In more than one way. Monitors beeped around him, but he didn’t care. He was too exhausted and distraught to care about anything. He barely even managed to turn his head to the side. The one and only reason the medic in charge of the ward didn’t see a point in shackling him down like he did with most patients. Next to Perceptor’s berth, another Autobot, a femme he was unfamiliar with tried to get his attention, gently calling to him. Thinking about it, her yellow face and red and pink paint scheme were familiar enough, though he couldn’t recall her name. He remembered having briefly seen before with Elita One’s troops, and perhaps in a hologram or two kept by… Red Alert, perhaps? He managed to turn his head sufficiently to look at her, acknowledging her presence.
More precisely, he looked at the bundle at her side. The sparkling she had given birth to fairly recently had been wrapped in layers of thermal blankets to keep his fluctuating systems’ temperature constant. He vaguely resembled Red Alert, the microscope noticed. The femme herself had her ankles manacled to the berth, but her arms were free to grab her sparkling and hold him close.
Something Perceptor would never been able to do with his own. Cleaning fluid gathered in his optics and he was hard pressed not to just start sobbing in pain and helplessness.
The last gift his lover had entrusted him with, and he had lost it…
There wouldn’t be anything of Skyfire left in this world, except memories. That alone was enough to make him despair.
Perceptor knew his torments weren’t finished. Because, if he was desperate over losing his sparkling, his Master was going to be furious. Actually, he already was. Perceptor could hear the shriek from here, and he fought the urge to cry and curl upon himself. Not that he felt strong enough to, anyway.
“---alm down!” he heard someone said just as the doors of the Medbay opened.
Starscream barged him, wings held high and face frozen in an expression of pure fury. Thundercracker was following him closely, apparently trying to calm him down with little success. Skywarp too was tagging along, looking vaguely disturbed. As the trio made their way to his berth, Perceptor let a sob of despair escape him.
Starscream came to him directly and slapped him. Hard. Perceptor cried out. He heard the femme in the other berth swear, and the sparkling started to wail. Starscream started to hit him, the microscope unable to defend himself, but Thundercracker and Skywarp were immediately there to grab their trine leader’s arms and make him back down, though they were hard pressed to hold him.
“Release me! Immediately!” Starscream screeched, trying to get out of the other Seekers’ hold.
“Damn it Scree, that’s enough! He’s in bad enough shape without you adding more injuries to the mix!” Skywarp bellowed.
“He fragging lost Skyfire’s sparkling!” Starscream screamed in rage and… was it anguish? Perceptor wasn’t thinking clearly enough to tell the difference. And he wept. It was true. He had lost Skyfire’s legacy to the world…
“Yeah, we heard you the first time! So he miscarried, big deal! There’s a lot of Autobots out of there who already did, and he’s not the last,” Skywarp groused as he fought to keep his grip on the other Seeker. “Primus, that was just some dumb Autobot’s spark…”
He was cut off by Starscream’s shriek of rage and almost fell over when Starscream tried to claw at him rather than at Perceptor. “It wasn’t some ‘dumb Autobot’s sparkling’! And he lost it! He LOST IT!”
“Yeah, and you’re losing it too,” Thundercracker growled. “Get a grip and calm down!”
“Calm down? Skyfire’s sparkling, was the only reason I put up with this sniveling weakling, who isn’t even worthy of warming my berth. He is DEAD and it’s his fault!” Starscream screamed.
“His fault? How was it his fault? He obeyed the medic’s orders to the letter! You’re the one who screwed up!” Thundercracker screamed back.
Suddenly, there was a foreboding silence. Aside from the panicked sparkling’s wails, nobody said a word. Skywarp and Starscream had frozen on the spot, and after a klik, Starscream had no problem shaking his arm out of Skywarp’s hold.
“What. Did. You. Just. Say?” he asked, enunciating his words slowly, menacingly.
Lesser mechs would have flinched and run. But being used since long to his trine leader’s antics and moods, Thundercracker kept his cold. “I said: it’s your fault he lost his sparkling. You’re the one who forced him to accompany you, when he clearly told you he was feeling unwell. You’re the one who cut out all his comm. frequencies, effectively making him unable to immediately call for a medical advice and assistance when he needed it. You’re the one who didn’t take the time to notice his gestation period wasn’t going well and he was underfed. He did the best he could. YOU screwed up, not him.”
Skywarp shook his head in disbelief. Perceptor was too far gone to really pick up the conversation. He was that close to statis. The femme was watched them with obvious fear, the sparkling was still wailing, though less than before. And Starscream and Thundercracker glared at each other in obvious hatred.
Starscream felt cold rage building inside. Outwardly, though, his behavior calmed. He barely acknowledged Perceptor’s presence anymore. He would deal with the now worthless slave later. Now, he had a count to settle with his ‘trinemate’.
“My fault you say?” he laughed briefly without humor. “That’s funny for you to say that, Thundercracker. You’re pointing the finger at me, and at everyone, but you never. Ever. Point it at yourself. You think you’re irreproachable? Perfect? Ah! You’re not better than any of use. You make arguments and get all worked up about our supposed ‘cruelty’ to the other side, but I didn’t see you once do something about that! Not out in the open, anyway, where anyone can see you! You know what you are, Thundercracker? A fragging coward!”
Thundercracker bristled. “Don’t you dare, Starscream, don’t you dare…”
Starscream chuckled darkly. “Oh, but I’ll dare anyway, ‘dearest’. You’re quick to point out the wrongs, slow to propose a solution or stop someone from, what was it? ‘Abusing their newfound powers’. Doesn’t stop you from playing the Lording yourself, though. What about that mech you took as a personal slave? Is he a good lay?” he asked with faked curiosity.
Thundercracker looked at him murderously. “I’ve never touched him like that and don’t intend to, unlike you! You fragging claim that you hate the mech and find him lacking in aesthetic, but you frag him far more than what is required for the sparkling’s good! Who’s the hypocrite exactly? You…!” Once more, he couldn’t complete his argument.
“Of course not, you don’t touch your prize,” Starscream said in dismissal, as if he hadn’t heard the last part of his wingmate’s rant. “You’re far too… Noble to let yourself go with your baser instincts and take advantage of a slave. Guess you’ll never get any, then, since no proper Decepticon is going to let himself be spiked when the Autobots are there for that,” he snarled.
“So? Interfacing isn’t all there is in life,” the blue Seeker answered rather calmly. Well, aside from the shaking of his fists, that’s it. Skywarp kept looking at them both, absolutely bewildered.
“Guys, calm down, please. How about we go take a cube of high grade, get some recharge and cool down?” he asked almost desperately.
Starscream just gave him a look, and the black Seeker took a small step back, shifting uneasily on his pedes. He then turned to his other trinemate. “I’ve had more than enough of you and your moralizing rants. I never want to hear another want about the way I treat MY SLAVE again. He’s not your problem, he’s mine.”
Thundercracker snorted. “Right. Knowing you, you’ll kill him in a matter of orns. Must I remind you Megatron made laws about that? And that you will not get another one unless someone else really screws up and gets his possessions taken away? Anyway, you don’t have any real reason to harm him so. No killing the remaining Autobots, unless they’ve tried to kill their Masters or…”
Starscream smirked. “I know perfectly well what those laws are, and just how many restriction and how much leeway they offer in the treatment of personal slaves. Don’t think I don’t know who suggested some of them to Shockwave and Megatron when they were ratifying the whole chart. Some would be very interested in knowing it was because of you that they can’t have their ‘fun’ anymore.” It wasn’t said in a threatening way, exactly, but the threat was implicit anyway. Still, Thundercracker took it in stride and didn’t flinch.
“Scree,” Skywarp tried, feeling lost and scared. Sure, his trinemate’s had their moments and argued a lot, but this time, it was becoming serious. It wasn’t looking good at all. He was glared at again, and TC made a gesture for him to shut up, but ‘shut up’ in the sense of ‘don’t draw attention on you’ rather than ‘you bother me’, like Starscream.
Starscream took a good look at Thundercracker and at his stormy expression. He felt no joy whatsoever. He glanced briefly at Perceptor, whose optics were flickering, and he grimaced in disgust and repressed helplessness. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Perceptor wasn’t supposed to be here. It was supposed to be Skyfire here, not that weakling ground pounder he had shagged for a time. And now, even without Skyfire’s legacy, he was still tied to the red mech, because the Mighty Megatron wouldn’t let him back down and change his mind about who he wanted to own.
Deep down, he knew Thundercracker was right. It was his own damn fault. But he wasn’t ready to face it, didn’t want to. Easier to blame Perceptor, blame Megatron, blame Onslaught who had fired the fatal shot at his old friend and lover…
Easier to blame Thundercracker for the Pit of contradicting feelings he felt inside him.
“Get out,” he deadpanned. “I don’t ever want to see your sorry face again, is that clear?”
“Crystal, ‘Trineleader’,” Thundercracker answered, face dark, as he saluted, before turning on heel and making his exit.
“TC, wait!” Skywarp called out to him. But the blue Seeker didn’t, and the last Perceptor saw of him before he blacked out definitively was his retreating back.
-_-_-_-_-_-_-