[Fan Fiction] Perfect Strangers
“Stop that.”
Tomo pulled her hand down; preventing her from her bad habit again. She gave a pout and went back to her laptop. He gave a little smile, sliding his arm across her shoulders and pulling her closer. They were in their hotel bed, still with their street clothes on. He gave a sideway glance at her serious profile, concentrated on the screen. He sighed inwardly as he flipped through the channels. The night of rest and relaxation he had in mind was nowhere in sight.
Work had been really stressful that day and had given him a throbbing headache. He wanted to see her. He knew she’d make him feel much better. He’d called her up to arrange their date but she had seemed distracted, saying she won’t be able to go. She had a deadline. That’s not right. She needed to de-stress too. Thoughts of snuggling up to her and recharging were slowly dissolving. She was just as stubborn and would not listen to him as he tried to win her over. In the end, he just innocently told her he’d go to her office then so he can be happy again. Minutes later, he opened the door to their hotel room to her standing there with her eyes narrowed in irritation, as if contemplating if she should strangle him or not. Or maybe deliver a few swift kicks. Spreading his arms wide, he welcomed her, smiling boyishly.
Unfortunately, she had brought her work with her. Planting a distracted kiss on his lips, she brushed past his arms, oblivious to the glum look on his face. She had set up on the table, and he was shooting dark looks at her from the foot of the bed as she buried herself in her work. He deliberately turned the television’s volume so high just to irk her. She shouted at him to stop it. He listened and she gave a satisfied look. But was yelping seconds later as a pillow landed on the table sending her things to the floor. An argument broke out between them. A few pillows flew back and forth. She let out a growl; he was impossible! In the end, she grudgingly moved to the bed with him. That appeased him for a while. But now, he was getting restless again.
As if sensing that, Mao settled deeper into him. He kissed her hair and breathed her in. The happiness and contentment only Mao could give him surfacing once more. Never would he have imagined they’d come to this point. She had avoided any gesture that would seem couple-like before. The only connection they can have is in bed. But now, she was slowly but surely letting him in. He didn’t know why; maybe because they were seeing each other more often now. The past three months had been incredible. Sometimes managing to steal even a few hours in a day. Just not getting enough of each other. He admits the risk is an added thrill but just having her… She was letting her guard down and showing him things she was holding back before. She was with him every step of the way.
For the first time ever, he could feel she wants him to be a part of her life. And she wants to be a part of his…
She would be openly complaining about work now. Sometimes her colleagues. Some of which they’d abused when she managed to draw up a photo of them in an office party. They’d be hurling insults at them that they would never hear or just doodle on their faces using photoshop. Resulting into them cracking up every time. He’d said she should just quit and do something she loves. It wasn’t practical, she had replied. He had thought she’d leave it at that. But was surprised as she added, slightly embarrassed, that all she really wants is to open a little bakeshop. It wasn’t what he expected. And he goes on to whine why she’s never let him have a taste of her baking. She doesn’t have the time anymore. That was always the case. He then contented himself with closing his eyes and envisioning her in the kitchen doing what she loves. Though his imagination would turn a bit naughtier with her and the sweets and she’d put a stop to it by pushing her hands into his face. Since then, he’d be reminding her time to time about this. Though very carefully, afraid she’d find him to be prying too much.
And when she misses him, god, that’s what makes him so much crazier about her. They were supposed to be meeting up one time. But he’d suddenly received a call from Masami. Their godson, Yuki, was rushed to the hospital. A case of food poisoning. He’d definitely be pining for his favorite godfather. He had called Mao but couldn’t reach her at all. He’d then sent a text saying he wouldn’t be able to make it and he’d call her again later in the day. He was at Yuki’s hospital room; the doctor has attended to him and he was already resting. He could breathe now and he and Masami had left him and his parents after a while. Masami had went to get them coffee. His phone vibrated in his pocket. A new text message. He stared at the screen a while. He had received at least four messages from Mao. The first acting all pouty why she wasn’t going to see him. The next saying he should tell her if he has another mistress. The third one indirectly asking where he was. And the very last confessing she has another lover so she wants to know where he was so they won’t be there.
Normally, she won’t be asking any questions if ever he’d cancelled. This was the first time she had ever shown she was affected. He couldn’t stop grinning as he looked at the messages. Looking around to see if the coast was clear for now, he’d dialed Mao’s number.
“I’m at the hospital,” he’d said the moment she answered.
“What? Why? What happened? Are you okay? Which hospital?”
His heart made a little jump. “No, I’m okay. It’s my godson. Food poisoning.”
“Oh.” Her voice sounded relieved. “I thought- Anyway, I’m sorry to hear that. But how come you sound happy about it?”
“Hm?” He cleared his throat, apologizing to Yuki mentally. “Anyway, sorry I couldn’t make it.”
“Your godson needs you. What’s his name?”
“Yuki. I’ll show you a photo next time. Very cool kid. Gets it from me.”
“I think that’s my cue to hang up, eh?”
“What? Weren’t you just telling me you really, really miss me?”
“I was not!” She added a little too defensively. “I was just-“
“Wondering what could be more important than going to see you?”
“I don’t like you.”
“I don’t like you too.” He had been grinning from ear to ear.
“No, seriously, I don’t like you.”
“Take that back.”
“I’m hanging up now~ I’ll see you when I feel like it.”
“Oi.“
She gave a laugh.
“Tomo?”
“What? You don’t like me?”
“I miss you.”
That had not been a good time to have a big smile plastered on his face.
Since then, she’d always be asking how Yuki’s been doing. He’d shown their photo together that he keeps in his wallet. He was really ugly when placed next to Yuki, she had observed casually. She was left squirming, pinned under him, challenging her to call him ugly again. She did and he squashed her again. She laughingly took back her words and he let her up. Seems like she was more interested in Yuki than in him now, he had grudgingly joked. And she admitted that she was. She was on her back again, laughing out loud as he refused to let her go. He was such a sore loser to a kid, she pointed out.
He was glad to see she had taken to Yuki even though they’d never met. And he knew they’d definitely hit it off if ever that happens. He really wanted Yuki to meet her… But that was going to make things more complicated. But still…
If there was a way…
His eyes went to her once more, her lips pursed in thought. He suddenly remembers the time her mom called her. She had gotten out of bed and walked across the room to answer it. With her back to him, she didn’t see him coming up to her. She had jumped when he purposely talked very loudly. He just had the sudden impulse; somehow hating the fact she’s hiding him. She turned around giving him a sharp glare, telling him to shut up. She had lied to her mom saying he was an office colleague and they were finishing up a project. He resented that and said hi very loudly again to her mom. Mao pushed him back and told her mom he was gay unceremoniously. He gave her a scowl and she replied with a warning glare again. He suddenly snatched the phone away from her and started talking to her mom. She almost had a mini-stroke and was trying very hard to get her phone back. He’d handed the phone back to her, covering the mouthpiece, telling her seems her mom likes him. She had pointed out because she thinks he’s gay. He ignored that comment and went back to bed, knowing perfectly he wouldn’t get away with this that easily. And sure enough, she didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night, try as he might. Didn’t even say goodbye when she collected her things and left really early. It was two days after before she finally answered his texts and calls. It would be considered as their first big fight. And he was strongly reminded that with their circumstances, they were at no position to treat anything so lightly. He should have considered how she would feel, but that time… He just wished that things had been different between them…
Every moment with her was more than perfect but he wanted more… He wanted them
to be really together. No more secrets, no more hiding. Make it all the more real. More than anything he wanted to shout it out to the world. But was she ready…?
He didn’t know how much longer he could wait though…
If there was a way…
Mao emitting a growl pulled him back to their hotel room. She was messing her hair up in frustration.
“I can’t do this!” She turned to him and buried her face into the curve of his neck.
He took a look at her blank report.
“It’s very compelling work.”
“Shut up,” came her muffled voice.
“You should just quit. All this stress really isn’t worth it.”
“I can’t just throw everything away in a heartbeat,” she said, slowly pulling away. Going back to the dreaded report. She then slanted her eyes to him. “It would have been no problem, if someone hadn’t insisted on me coming here and being a distraction…”
“I’m a big distraction?” He pointed at himself so innocently.
“O-ho-ho. And he’s trying to be cute again.”
Tomo gave a smirk. He then placed his chin on her shoulder, pouting and acting hurt. She told him to suck his lips back in, still concentrated on the screen. He gave a chuckle. And the usual mischievous grin appeared on his lips. He’ll be a distraction then. He gave her shoulder a light kiss. He brushed her hair away; his lips on her exposed neck.
“What are you doing?”
“Being a distraction,” he murmured.
The light nips on her shoulders. The trail of his hot breath up and down her neck. He bit her earlobe gently as he pulled her closer. She told him to stop, her eyes slowly closing. It sounded more like she didn’t want him to. The taste of her skin. The feel of her under her shirt…
“Stop… We still need to get home…”
Everything stopped and Mao’s eyes fluttered open.
“I thought we were spending the night together?”
She turned towards him. Trying to hide her disappointment too. She can’t have him trying to convince her to stay.
“We didn’t go home two nights before. We can’t do that again.” She placed a hand on his cheek, patting it gently. “You know that…”
All he knows is he was home with her. They didn’t have to part like this everytime… Why should they? He felt her pinching his cheek lightly and then saying she’s going to take a shower before going. She stretched, placing the laptop on the bed. She was about to slide off when he suddenly grabbed her arms stopping her.
“What?”
“Ahhh~ I’m getting so sleepy.”
In a flash, he was tipping over her and she gave a yelp. She was trapped under him once more and was now struggling to squirm out.
“Tomo!”
With eyes still closed, he gave a smile. He liked hearing her call him. The first time she had called him that he had enveloped her in a bear hug. And she ended up threatening him lovingly if he still doesn’t let go.
“Tomohisa! Let me up!”
He was now pretending to snore.
“You’re such a kid,” she burst out laughing.
He shifted a bit and faced her, grinning.
“Come on, it’s getting late.”
His smile faded. Mao was still giggling, trying to push him off. Not noticing the sudden change in his expression.
“Mao…”
Her giggles stopped. She seemed taken aback by the seriousness behind his gaze. As if he was struggling with something inside. Her heart started pounding for some reason. She sensed he wanted something from her. What was it? He opened his mouth to speak.
“What name did you give your unicorn doll?”
They both stared at each other for a while. And then Mao burst out laughing once more. She couldn’t speak just pointing at him, trying to catch her breath. The seriousness of his face was totally the opposite of his question.
“What? I really want to know,” he smirked as Mao continued howling with laughter.
She suddenly pinched his side and he gave a jerk and rolled off her. Mao quickly slid away from him and jumped off the bed.
“You are so weird,” she claimed as she stood there looking down at him.
“You’re the weird one. You won’t tell me?”
“The more you want to know, the more I’m not telling,” she grinned, gave a cheeky wave and padded towards the bathroom, with the larger sized slippers on.
He smiled, following her back until she disappeared inside, leaving the door ajar. He laid there for a while, absently staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t able to do it… He wanted so much to, but he doesn’t know how she would react… What the outcome could be... If he expressed his desire… would she…
He was feeling restless once again. So lost.... Feeling like he needs to do something soon…
But he has to wait…
Wait for how long though?
And can he?
The sound of the shower and of Mao singing broke him out of his reverie. He couldn’t’ help giving the ceiling a grin. She wasn’t trying to hide her love of singing in the shower anymore. And he would tease her how it must have been for her before, trying not to show this side of her.
He turned his head towards the bathroom door. He’d just go crazy thinking more about it. Mao might notice he was distracted as well. They didn’t have much time left. They should make the most of it… He got off the bed and headed towards the door, unbuttoning his shirt. He stood outside, listening to her performance. His lips quirked. He silently stepped inside.
And Mao’s shrieks and his laughter filled the room moments later.
**
Tomo gave a small smile at the sad angry face emoticon Mao sent in reply to his text that he wouldn’t be able to meet with her that night. Again. The messages were getting shorter and shorter through the week. He flipped his phone shut and sighed. It’s not like he likes this arrangement anymore than she does. He sat down on the bed and rubbed his temple.
He was supposed to have done it earlier in the week. The first time he’d cancelled on Mao. But he couldn’t do it. He thought he’s worked up the nerve to come face to face with this. But… He didn’t know what he was afraid of more. The look on her face.
Or the look on Mao’s face… Was he really ready for her answer?
So he was still at the point where he started. And he’s been trying all week. The reason he hasn’t been able to see Mao is because he wanted to keep his head and stop hesitating. She would be a big distraction. He needed to do it, that much he knew. He can’t draw it out any longer.
But the lingering doubt and fear were pushing his plan back…
Though the fact that it wasn’t stopping his resolve to finally take that step made him that much surer.
Masami’s voice was calling for dinner.
And he could hear the happiness in it.
Something he hasn’t heard in a long time…
His jaw tightened, closed his eyes for a second and stood up.
He has to do this.
**
“It’s ramen tonight. Your favorite.”
He had walked into the dining room with Masami’s smile greeting him. He tried to work his lips but the weight in his heart was just too much. He gave a small nod and headed towards his seat. Her smile wavered a bit but she continued to set the table. He picked up his chopsticks, keeping his eyes on the bowl in front of him as she took a seat.
She suddenly gave a small laugh and his eyes went to her. “You know, it still feels a little strange after a whole week. We, having dinner together. At home. It’s been a while…”
He gave a small tight smile and averted his gaze. She picked up her chopsticks, her smile still lingering on her lips.
He couldn’t taste anything at this point. Couldn’t really hear any of the words she’s saying. His thoughts so focused on one thing. He wished he could say he wished things were different for them… but he knew he wanted this more…
He didn’t want to hurt her any further…
He’s caused enough damage.
And this will be the last…
“And Satomi is inviting us to-“
“Let’s get a divorce, Masami.”
The only sound in the room was her chopsticks falling and rolling off the table.
This time he met her gaze.
**
“Are we here to end it?”
He gave a smile as he let her into the room.
“Ah, I see you’ve raided the mini-bar. You know, if you have another lover, you can just tell me.”
He stopped behind her, put his arms around her and pulled her to him, kissing her hair. “That’s your way of telling me you missed me.”
“I’m surprised you missed me, too,” she countered as he held on tighter. She pulled away and turned to him. Frowning a bit, she noticed the troubled expression on his face.
“Work still being a pain?” She placed a hand on his cheek.
He kissed her palm. “I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
She gave a sympathetic look, took his hand and led him to the foot of the bed. “Now, sit and relax. Let me call up room service. How about a massage after dinner?”
Tomo stopped her from going to the phone. She looked down at him in question. “No, it’s okay. You’re here.”
“Aw. He really missed me.” She pursed her lips at him, pinching his cheeks, making weird sounds and then caught herself when he was looking at her, confused. She gave a sheepish groan. “I’ve made a new friend. A boston terrier owned by a couple around my neighborhood. It’s your fault. You made me miss you.”
“Do I look like a boston terrier?” He seemed genuinely hurt. But still happy she missed him. Though does he have to be associated with a boston terrier?
She grinned. “He’s so much cuter, you know.”
He tried to look sullen and stern but then he couldn’t really hide the wide smile. That was what she was waiting to see.
“Better?”
He gave a shrug then pulled her closer to him and collected her onto his lap. He buried his face into her neck and breathed her in. She chuckled and asked if he wanted to talk about it. He was still distracted; she can sense it. She pulled back.
“Come on, you can tell me.”
He wanted to… He really wanted to… But he wanted to stay in her warmth for a while longer…
He shook his head, giving a reassuring smile. She caressed his cheek and kissed him on the tip of his nose. A way to cheer him up.
He gave a light chuckle. Her eyes crinkled as she continued to trace the line of his jaw.
She gave his lips a light peck.
She really missed him.
She leaned towards him once more. He returned the kiss. Enjoying the taste of her again. The feel of her fingers through his hair. Their kiss deepening further.
He wanted to stay right in the moment…
But he can’t keep running anymore…
He broke the kiss, breathless, placing his forehead against hers.
“Mao…”
She slowly opened her eyes, a lazy smile on her lips. “Now he wants to tell me.”
He instinctively held her tighter. He leaned back and met her gaze.
“I’m getting a divorce.”
She literally froze.
“W-What?”
The nervousness made him make an attempt at a joke. “I thought this was the only way you’ll tell me the unicorn’s name.”
She continued to stare at him, still looking thunderstruck. He gave a sigh.
“Look, that came out wrong. It’s not really about us-“ Even he doesn’t believe that. “Fuck that, it is. But it’s something I’ve been thinking about even before we met. It’s just not working with Masami anymore. And meeting you… Well, meeting you made me really realize what I really want and what I am missing.”
The distraught look in her eyes wasn’t helping.
“Last night. I told her last night. I’ve been meaning to all week but- It wasn’t easy. She was shaken up but she took it well. Admitting she’s somehow been preparing herself for this ever since things changed between us. Just that she thought in the last week, there would still be hope to make it work but she realized it had been just me trying to say the dreaded words…”
He should keep talking. Because he knew what she is thinking right now.
“We’ve talked and I’ve already moved out. I’m staying with a friend. They’ve been asking questions but they can-”
“I-I have to go.” She suddenly said and pulled out of his hold. His hands slid off limply. She couldn’t feel her legs at this point. But she seemed to be able to stand up steadily. She was looking at anything but him.
He remained on the bed. He knew perfectly well this would happen. He didn’t have the strength to stop her right now. He had sprung this on her. She needed space right now.
They’ll talk when she’s ready…
She wordlessly made her way to the door.
He heard it close.
He had his head in his hands.
If she’s ever going to be ready…
**
“Miss Mao? Miss Mao!”
She gave a jerk and her office came into view. It took a while for her to realize where she was.
“Are you okay? You’ve been out of it lately… Here are the photos you wanted.”
“Oh. Okay, thanks.” She couldn’t seem to remember what her name was. There have been so many new hires she was finding it hard to keep track of all of them. Thankfully, she had gone but not after giving her one last concerned look.
Out of it was an understatement. Her mind was just so preoccupied right now her work was suffering. No fresh ideas to contribute. Deadlines weren’t met. There had been much concern from clients. And she’d lost an important account that she’d spent all her efforts on. Her superiors weren’t thrilled and she was just waiting for the company to finally decide she’s more of a liability than an asset.
All in a span of a week.
She looked helplessly around her table. There was another blank report on her screen. There was a shoot today she needed to oversee. Her table was a complete mess and under that mess was a phone that kept ringing every few hours.
She knew who it was.
She started digging through the clutter. Plans of shutting it off again on her mind.
It had stopped before she could get to it. She heaved a sigh and buried her head under her arms. She just wanted to curl up somewhere and let the restlessness, the thoughts, the confusion out of her system. She can’t take it. But she felt so lost. She had nowhere else to go. The only person that could ease any frustration- She lifted her head up so suddenly she almost broke her neck. Wincing, she rubbed her shoulder and started searching for her phone again.
How could she have forgotten? The two people in the world that she could unload this to. Even if it’s under such circumstances… She had never really given any thought to admitting to anyone about any of this… Truthfully, she was afraid to think of the future when it came to Tomo… Living in the moment was what she focused on… But now, she felt like she was about to explode if she doesn’t talk to anyone soon…
The only one who she could talk to about this she was trying to avoid. Which really is the best solution she could see right now. She knew how it will go down if she doesn’t straighten herself out first before seeing him.
Where is that damn phone?
The door to her office opened and a barrage of sentences came out from the girl earlier.
And she still can’t see her phone.
Seems like they needed to get to that shoot.
She just needed her phone.
Like right now.
The chaos around her was further adding to her frustration and its swept her away.
**
Thank God she’s survived that.
She sluggishly made her way back to her office. A dull headache making her head throb. She checked her watch. It was time to go home. She can’t stay another minute here or else things might get uglier. She pushed her hair up, thinking of the phone call that could save her. For now. Wondering how they were doing over in Korea. The last time they’ve talked was a month ago.
“Miss Mao?”
Ugh. It never ends. She turned around.
“There’s someone at the reception for you-“
At this time?
“If it’s a client, tell him I’ve left. I’ll handle it tomorrow-“
“He just said he needed to see you. And that you’ll know what it’s about. It’s a Mr. Yamashita.”
No.
It can’t be. She must have heard wrong. It can’t. It’s a pretty common name anyway. And-
Who was she kidding?
She kept her reaction, her voice, her everything neutral. The curious expression on the receptionist’s face could be seen. No doubt trying to figure out what her relation is to the man with the ambiguous message. And it sparked something in her. She headed towards the reception, her face set. A new feeling slowly surfacing.
Her steps quickened. And she saw him, standing there, casually looking around. His eyes fell on her. She took a deep breath. She stopped in front of him. She was met with his unfaltering gaze.
She wasn’t the only one who’s pissed.
She was glad no one was around. The receptionist must have had other orders. She immediately grabbed his arm and pulled him away. Leading him towards the old pantry at the end of the corridor. He didn’t protest and they silently made their way.
The door closed behind them and she rounded on him.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” It was taking everything in her not to shout right now.
“Seems a little familiar, don’t you think?”
It was a scene so reminiscent of the first time they’ve met. In a dark back room. Hidden from everything. Afraid people might see. A secret no one should ever know.
And every moment with her had been just exactly that. He’s tired of this game. He knows what he wants. A real life with her. Right now, he wasn’t sure if she wants it too… But he just can’t take anymore of this.
Mao seemed to miss the point. “What is the matter with you? You can’t-“
“I’m sick of this, Mao. All of this. Do you realize we are standing in a fucking pantry? Do we always have to be in the dark?”
“Maybe you’ve forgotten but you aren’t supposed to be here-“
“You walk out of a serious conversation and then ignore my calls for two weeks. And you’re telling me I’m not supposed to be here? Are you kidding me?”
“You’re deliberately trying to make things more complicated right now.” She pushed her hair up in frustration. ”You all of a sudden throw your divorce into my lap. What do you expect?”
“I would have expected at least a response to my texts and calls. I know you feel ambushed by what I did and I’m sorry, but that doesn’t mean you can just do another disappearing act. This isn’t how it works! You’re not the only one in this, Mao. How do you think I felt when I couldn’t even reach you?”
“I didn’t ask for any of this!” Her voice grew more agitated.
They both were glaring at each other. His jaw tightened.
“That’s the problem.”
Her expression changed.
“Why are you always running away? Why do I always have to chase after you?”
The sudden look in his eyes… The helplessness in his voice… Something was blocking her throat all of a sudden. She tried to steady herself.
“I… I never- I didn’t… You-“
“I’m not regretting it. I made that choice. Because I know what I want. What I’ve always wanted. But what do you really want?”
She raked her fingers through her hair. The frustration building up.
“You know how I feel. How I’ve always felt. This shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise. This is what I have in mind for us. A fresh start. But for you, what is it? What did you think would eventually happen to us?”
She drew in a shaky breath. “I-I never thought about it. I just-“
The slight hurt she saw in his eyes made her stop. She didn’t want to see that.
“I didn’t want to think about it, okay? I- You know what I want. I’ve always told you what I want. Why can’t we just stay the way we are? We have everything we need. Everything is so simple. Just perfect for us. Why can’t you see that?” She looked like she was pleading for him to understand.
“You said so yourself you didn’t want to think about it. Which means you saw it too. You’re just afraid of that future. Our future. What are you so afraid of? We’re both here. If we’re both committed to this-“
She stifled a frustrated cry. Why can’t he understand? He should know better.
“Are you listening to yourself? We came from the same place, Tomo… We’ve both been through this. And now, look at us. Look where we are right now. That future you’re talking about…” She threw her hands up in defeat, the back of her eyes burning. She looked away.
He has to understand. Even though it’s tearing her up inside, he has to. They can’t fool themselves…
“You can’t know that. No one can know that.” His voice shook a little. “You can’t let it rule over your life. Holding back like that-“
“Tomo,” Mao cut him off gently, closing her eyes for a moment. “We’ve both had a long week. We’re both tired and… I need some time. I just need to- Just give me some time…We’ll talk again…”
She looked up at him, asking once more. His brow furrowed. He was torn. She looked so drained… Rest. She needs rest. They both do. They won’t get anywhere right now.
“I’m not going to wait long…”
The lump in her throat hurt. She gave a nod.
She’s always making him wait…
This should be the last time…
**
She stood there, still staring at the doors where Tomo walked out of almost five minutes ago. The emotional turmoil was leaving her exhausted. She stood there with a blank look, oblivious to the people passing by and slightly weirded out at her.
Will she be able to make the right decision?
No matter what she chooses though, the pain will always be there…
It all comes down to choosing the one she could live with for the rest of her life.
And she wasn’t sure there was such a choice…
She turned around and made her way back slowly.
Toma emerged from behind a pillar moments later, his eyes on his wife.
**
I did say one last part left, but... T_T I am working on the rest. Just thought to let you know I'm still alive.
Tomo pulled her hand down; preventing her from her bad habit again. She gave a pout and went back to her laptop. He gave a little smile, sliding his arm across her shoulders and pulling her closer. They were in their hotel bed, still with their street clothes on. He gave a sideway glance at her serious profile, concentrated on the screen. He sighed inwardly as he flipped through the channels. The night of rest and relaxation he had in mind was nowhere in sight.
Work had been really stressful that day and had given him a throbbing headache. He wanted to see her. He knew she’d make him feel much better. He’d called her up to arrange their date but she had seemed distracted, saying she won’t be able to go. She had a deadline. That’s not right. She needed to de-stress too. Thoughts of snuggling up to her and recharging were slowly dissolving. She was just as stubborn and would not listen to him as he tried to win her over. In the end, he just innocently told her he’d go to her office then so he can be happy again. Minutes later, he opened the door to their hotel room to her standing there with her eyes narrowed in irritation, as if contemplating if she should strangle him or not. Or maybe deliver a few swift kicks. Spreading his arms wide, he welcomed her, smiling boyishly.
Unfortunately, she had brought her work with her. Planting a distracted kiss on his lips, she brushed past his arms, oblivious to the glum look on his face. She had set up on the table, and he was shooting dark looks at her from the foot of the bed as she buried herself in her work. He deliberately turned the television’s volume so high just to irk her. She shouted at him to stop it. He listened and she gave a satisfied look. But was yelping seconds later as a pillow landed on the table sending her things to the floor. An argument broke out between them. A few pillows flew back and forth. She let out a growl; he was impossible! In the end, she grudgingly moved to the bed with him. That appeased him for a while. But now, he was getting restless again.
As if sensing that, Mao settled deeper into him. He kissed her hair and breathed her in. The happiness and contentment only Mao could give him surfacing once more. Never would he have imagined they’d come to this point. She had avoided any gesture that would seem couple-like before. The only connection they can have is in bed. But now, she was slowly but surely letting him in. He didn’t know why; maybe because they were seeing each other more often now. The past three months had been incredible. Sometimes managing to steal even a few hours in a day. Just not getting enough of each other. He admits the risk is an added thrill but just having her… She was letting her guard down and showing him things she was holding back before. She was with him every step of the way.
For the first time ever, he could feel she wants him to be a part of her life. And she wants to be a part of his…
She would be openly complaining about work now. Sometimes her colleagues. Some of which they’d abused when she managed to draw up a photo of them in an office party. They’d be hurling insults at them that they would never hear or just doodle on their faces using photoshop. Resulting into them cracking up every time. He’d said she should just quit and do something she loves. It wasn’t practical, she had replied. He had thought she’d leave it at that. But was surprised as she added, slightly embarrassed, that all she really wants is to open a little bakeshop. It wasn’t what he expected. And he goes on to whine why she’s never let him have a taste of her baking. She doesn’t have the time anymore. That was always the case. He then contented himself with closing his eyes and envisioning her in the kitchen doing what she loves. Though his imagination would turn a bit naughtier with her and the sweets and she’d put a stop to it by pushing her hands into his face. Since then, he’d be reminding her time to time about this. Though very carefully, afraid she’d find him to be prying too much.
And when she misses him, god, that’s what makes him so much crazier about her. They were supposed to be meeting up one time. But he’d suddenly received a call from Masami. Their godson, Yuki, was rushed to the hospital. A case of food poisoning. He’d definitely be pining for his favorite godfather. He had called Mao but couldn’t reach her at all. He’d then sent a text saying he wouldn’t be able to make it and he’d call her again later in the day. He was at Yuki’s hospital room; the doctor has attended to him and he was already resting. He could breathe now and he and Masami had left him and his parents after a while. Masami had went to get them coffee. His phone vibrated in his pocket. A new text message. He stared at the screen a while. He had received at least four messages from Mao. The first acting all pouty why she wasn’t going to see him. The next saying he should tell her if he has another mistress. The third one indirectly asking where he was. And the very last confessing she has another lover so she wants to know where he was so they won’t be there.
Normally, she won’t be asking any questions if ever he’d cancelled. This was the first time she had ever shown she was affected. He couldn’t stop grinning as he looked at the messages. Looking around to see if the coast was clear for now, he’d dialed Mao’s number.
“I’m at the hospital,” he’d said the moment she answered.
“What? Why? What happened? Are you okay? Which hospital?”
His heart made a little jump. “No, I’m okay. It’s my godson. Food poisoning.”
“Oh.” Her voice sounded relieved. “I thought- Anyway, I’m sorry to hear that. But how come you sound happy about it?”
“Hm?” He cleared his throat, apologizing to Yuki mentally. “Anyway, sorry I couldn’t make it.”
“Your godson needs you. What’s his name?”
“Yuki. I’ll show you a photo next time. Very cool kid. Gets it from me.”
“I think that’s my cue to hang up, eh?”
“What? Weren’t you just telling me you really, really miss me?”
“I was not!” She added a little too defensively. “I was just-“
“Wondering what could be more important than going to see you?”
“I don’t like you.”
“I don’t like you too.” He had been grinning from ear to ear.
“No, seriously, I don’t like you.”
“Take that back.”
“I’m hanging up now~ I’ll see you when I feel like it.”
“Oi.“
She gave a laugh.
“Tomo?”
“What? You don’t like me?”
“I miss you.”
That had not been a good time to have a big smile plastered on his face.
Since then, she’d always be asking how Yuki’s been doing. He’d shown their photo together that he keeps in his wallet. He was really ugly when placed next to Yuki, she had observed casually. She was left squirming, pinned under him, challenging her to call him ugly again. She did and he squashed her again. She laughingly took back her words and he let her up. Seems like she was more interested in Yuki than in him now, he had grudgingly joked. And she admitted that she was. She was on her back again, laughing out loud as he refused to let her go. He was such a sore loser to a kid, she pointed out.
He was glad to see she had taken to Yuki even though they’d never met. And he knew they’d definitely hit it off if ever that happens. He really wanted Yuki to meet her… But that was going to make things more complicated. But still…
If there was a way…
His eyes went to her once more, her lips pursed in thought. He suddenly remembers the time her mom called her. She had gotten out of bed and walked across the room to answer it. With her back to him, she didn’t see him coming up to her. She had jumped when he purposely talked very loudly. He just had the sudden impulse; somehow hating the fact she’s hiding him. She turned around giving him a sharp glare, telling him to shut up. She had lied to her mom saying he was an office colleague and they were finishing up a project. He resented that and said hi very loudly again to her mom. Mao pushed him back and told her mom he was gay unceremoniously. He gave her a scowl and she replied with a warning glare again. He suddenly snatched the phone away from her and started talking to her mom. She almost had a mini-stroke and was trying very hard to get her phone back. He’d handed the phone back to her, covering the mouthpiece, telling her seems her mom likes him. She had pointed out because she thinks he’s gay. He ignored that comment and went back to bed, knowing perfectly he wouldn’t get away with this that easily. And sure enough, she didn’t talk to him for the rest of the night, try as he might. Didn’t even say goodbye when she collected her things and left really early. It was two days after before she finally answered his texts and calls. It would be considered as their first big fight. And he was strongly reminded that with their circumstances, they were at no position to treat anything so lightly. He should have considered how she would feel, but that time… He just wished that things had been different between them…
Every moment with her was more than perfect but he wanted more… He wanted them
to be really together. No more secrets, no more hiding. Make it all the more real. More than anything he wanted to shout it out to the world. But was she ready…?
He didn’t know how much longer he could wait though…
If there was a way…
Mao emitting a growl pulled him back to their hotel room. She was messing her hair up in frustration.
“I can’t do this!” She turned to him and buried her face into the curve of his neck.
He took a look at her blank report.
“It’s very compelling work.”
“Shut up,” came her muffled voice.
“You should just quit. All this stress really isn’t worth it.”
“I can’t just throw everything away in a heartbeat,” she said, slowly pulling away. Going back to the dreaded report. She then slanted her eyes to him. “It would have been no problem, if someone hadn’t insisted on me coming here and being a distraction…”
“I’m a big distraction?” He pointed at himself so innocently.
“O-ho-ho. And he’s trying to be cute again.”
Tomo gave a smirk. He then placed his chin on her shoulder, pouting and acting hurt. She told him to suck his lips back in, still concentrated on the screen. He gave a chuckle. And the usual mischievous grin appeared on his lips. He’ll be a distraction then. He gave her shoulder a light kiss. He brushed her hair away; his lips on her exposed neck.
“What are you doing?”
“Being a distraction,” he murmured.
The light nips on her shoulders. The trail of his hot breath up and down her neck. He bit her earlobe gently as he pulled her closer. She told him to stop, her eyes slowly closing. It sounded more like she didn’t want him to. The taste of her skin. The feel of her under her shirt…
“Stop… We still need to get home…”
Everything stopped and Mao’s eyes fluttered open.
“I thought we were spending the night together?”
She turned towards him. Trying to hide her disappointment too. She can’t have him trying to convince her to stay.
“We didn’t go home two nights before. We can’t do that again.” She placed a hand on his cheek, patting it gently. “You know that…”
All he knows is he was home with her. They didn’t have to part like this everytime… Why should they? He felt her pinching his cheek lightly and then saying she’s going to take a shower before going. She stretched, placing the laptop on the bed. She was about to slide off when he suddenly grabbed her arms stopping her.
“What?”
“Ahhh~ I’m getting so sleepy.”
In a flash, he was tipping over her and she gave a yelp. She was trapped under him once more and was now struggling to squirm out.
“Tomo!”
With eyes still closed, he gave a smile. He liked hearing her call him. The first time she had called him that he had enveloped her in a bear hug. And she ended up threatening him lovingly if he still doesn’t let go.
“Tomohisa! Let me up!”
He was now pretending to snore.
“You’re such a kid,” she burst out laughing.
He shifted a bit and faced her, grinning.
“Come on, it’s getting late.”
His smile faded. Mao was still giggling, trying to push him off. Not noticing the sudden change in his expression.
“Mao…”
Her giggles stopped. She seemed taken aback by the seriousness behind his gaze. As if he was struggling with something inside. Her heart started pounding for some reason. She sensed he wanted something from her. What was it? He opened his mouth to speak.
“What name did you give your unicorn doll?”
They both stared at each other for a while. And then Mao burst out laughing once more. She couldn’t speak just pointing at him, trying to catch her breath. The seriousness of his face was totally the opposite of his question.
“What? I really want to know,” he smirked as Mao continued howling with laughter.
She suddenly pinched his side and he gave a jerk and rolled off her. Mao quickly slid away from him and jumped off the bed.
“You are so weird,” she claimed as she stood there looking down at him.
“You’re the weird one. You won’t tell me?”
“The more you want to know, the more I’m not telling,” she grinned, gave a cheeky wave and padded towards the bathroom, with the larger sized slippers on.
He smiled, following her back until she disappeared inside, leaving the door ajar. He laid there for a while, absently staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t able to do it… He wanted so much to, but he doesn’t know how she would react… What the outcome could be... If he expressed his desire… would she…
He was feeling restless once again. So lost.... Feeling like he needs to do something soon…
But he has to wait…
Wait for how long though?
And can he?
The sound of the shower and of Mao singing broke him out of his reverie. He couldn’t’ help giving the ceiling a grin. She wasn’t trying to hide her love of singing in the shower anymore. And he would tease her how it must have been for her before, trying not to show this side of her.
He turned his head towards the bathroom door. He’d just go crazy thinking more about it. Mao might notice he was distracted as well. They didn’t have much time left. They should make the most of it… He got off the bed and headed towards the door, unbuttoning his shirt. He stood outside, listening to her performance. His lips quirked. He silently stepped inside.
And Mao’s shrieks and his laughter filled the room moments later.
**
Tomo gave a small smile at the sad angry face emoticon Mao sent in reply to his text that he wouldn’t be able to meet with her that night. Again. The messages were getting shorter and shorter through the week. He flipped his phone shut and sighed. It’s not like he likes this arrangement anymore than she does. He sat down on the bed and rubbed his temple.
He was supposed to have done it earlier in the week. The first time he’d cancelled on Mao. But he couldn’t do it. He thought he’s worked up the nerve to come face to face with this. But… He didn’t know what he was afraid of more. The look on her face.
Or the look on Mao’s face… Was he really ready for her answer?
So he was still at the point where he started. And he’s been trying all week. The reason he hasn’t been able to see Mao is because he wanted to keep his head and stop hesitating. She would be a big distraction. He needed to do it, that much he knew. He can’t draw it out any longer.
But the lingering doubt and fear were pushing his plan back…
Though the fact that it wasn’t stopping his resolve to finally take that step made him that much surer.
Masami’s voice was calling for dinner.
And he could hear the happiness in it.
Something he hasn’t heard in a long time…
His jaw tightened, closed his eyes for a second and stood up.
He has to do this.
**
“It’s ramen tonight. Your favorite.”
He had walked into the dining room with Masami’s smile greeting him. He tried to work his lips but the weight in his heart was just too much. He gave a small nod and headed towards his seat. Her smile wavered a bit but she continued to set the table. He picked up his chopsticks, keeping his eyes on the bowl in front of him as she took a seat.
She suddenly gave a small laugh and his eyes went to her. “You know, it still feels a little strange after a whole week. We, having dinner together. At home. It’s been a while…”
He gave a small tight smile and averted his gaze. She picked up her chopsticks, her smile still lingering on her lips.
He couldn’t taste anything at this point. Couldn’t really hear any of the words she’s saying. His thoughts so focused on one thing. He wished he could say he wished things were different for them… but he knew he wanted this more…
He didn’t want to hurt her any further…
He’s caused enough damage.
And this will be the last…
“And Satomi is inviting us to-“
“Let’s get a divorce, Masami.”
The only sound in the room was her chopsticks falling and rolling off the table.
This time he met her gaze.
**
“Are we here to end it?”
He gave a smile as he let her into the room.
“Ah, I see you’ve raided the mini-bar. You know, if you have another lover, you can just tell me.”
He stopped behind her, put his arms around her and pulled her to him, kissing her hair. “That’s your way of telling me you missed me.”
“I’m surprised you missed me, too,” she countered as he held on tighter. She pulled away and turned to him. Frowning a bit, she noticed the troubled expression on his face.
“Work still being a pain?” She placed a hand on his cheek.
He kissed her palm. “I’ve had a lot on my mind.”
She gave a sympathetic look, took his hand and led him to the foot of the bed. “Now, sit and relax. Let me call up room service. How about a massage after dinner?”
Tomo stopped her from going to the phone. She looked down at him in question. “No, it’s okay. You’re here.”
“Aw. He really missed me.” She pursed her lips at him, pinching his cheeks, making weird sounds and then caught herself when he was looking at her, confused. She gave a sheepish groan. “I’ve made a new friend. A boston terrier owned by a couple around my neighborhood. It’s your fault. You made me miss you.”
“Do I look like a boston terrier?” He seemed genuinely hurt. But still happy she missed him. Though does he have to be associated with a boston terrier?
She grinned. “He’s so much cuter, you know.”
He tried to look sullen and stern but then he couldn’t really hide the wide smile. That was what she was waiting to see.
“Better?”
He gave a shrug then pulled her closer to him and collected her onto his lap. He buried his face into her neck and breathed her in. She chuckled and asked if he wanted to talk about it. He was still distracted; she can sense it. She pulled back.
“Come on, you can tell me.”
He wanted to… He really wanted to… But he wanted to stay in her warmth for a while longer…
He shook his head, giving a reassuring smile. She caressed his cheek and kissed him on the tip of his nose. A way to cheer him up.
He gave a light chuckle. Her eyes crinkled as she continued to trace the line of his jaw.
She gave his lips a light peck.
She really missed him.
She leaned towards him once more. He returned the kiss. Enjoying the taste of her again. The feel of her fingers through his hair. Their kiss deepening further.
He wanted to stay right in the moment…
But he can’t keep running anymore…
He broke the kiss, breathless, placing his forehead against hers.
“Mao…”
She slowly opened her eyes, a lazy smile on her lips. “Now he wants to tell me.”
He instinctively held her tighter. He leaned back and met her gaze.
“I’m getting a divorce.”
She literally froze.
“W-What?”
The nervousness made him make an attempt at a joke. “I thought this was the only way you’ll tell me the unicorn’s name.”
She continued to stare at him, still looking thunderstruck. He gave a sigh.
“Look, that came out wrong. It’s not really about us-“ Even he doesn’t believe that. “Fuck that, it is. But it’s something I’ve been thinking about even before we met. It’s just not working with Masami anymore. And meeting you… Well, meeting you made me really realize what I really want and what I am missing.”
The distraught look in her eyes wasn’t helping.
“Last night. I told her last night. I’ve been meaning to all week but- It wasn’t easy. She was shaken up but she took it well. Admitting she’s somehow been preparing herself for this ever since things changed between us. Just that she thought in the last week, there would still be hope to make it work but she realized it had been just me trying to say the dreaded words…”
He should keep talking. Because he knew what she is thinking right now.
“We’ve talked and I’ve already moved out. I’m staying with a friend. They’ve been asking questions but they can-”
“I-I have to go.” She suddenly said and pulled out of his hold. His hands slid off limply. She couldn’t feel her legs at this point. But she seemed to be able to stand up steadily. She was looking at anything but him.
He remained on the bed. He knew perfectly well this would happen. He didn’t have the strength to stop her right now. He had sprung this on her. She needed space right now.
They’ll talk when she’s ready…
She wordlessly made her way to the door.
He heard it close.
He had his head in his hands.
If she’s ever going to be ready…
**
“Miss Mao? Miss Mao!”
She gave a jerk and her office came into view. It took a while for her to realize where she was.
“Are you okay? You’ve been out of it lately… Here are the photos you wanted.”
“Oh. Okay, thanks.” She couldn’t seem to remember what her name was. There have been so many new hires she was finding it hard to keep track of all of them. Thankfully, she had gone but not after giving her one last concerned look.
Out of it was an understatement. Her mind was just so preoccupied right now her work was suffering. No fresh ideas to contribute. Deadlines weren’t met. There had been much concern from clients. And she’d lost an important account that she’d spent all her efforts on. Her superiors weren’t thrilled and she was just waiting for the company to finally decide she’s more of a liability than an asset.
All in a span of a week.
She looked helplessly around her table. There was another blank report on her screen. There was a shoot today she needed to oversee. Her table was a complete mess and under that mess was a phone that kept ringing every few hours.
She knew who it was.
She started digging through the clutter. Plans of shutting it off again on her mind.
It had stopped before she could get to it. She heaved a sigh and buried her head under her arms. She just wanted to curl up somewhere and let the restlessness, the thoughts, the confusion out of her system. She can’t take it. But she felt so lost. She had nowhere else to go. The only person that could ease any frustration- She lifted her head up so suddenly she almost broke her neck. Wincing, she rubbed her shoulder and started searching for her phone again.
How could she have forgotten? The two people in the world that she could unload this to. Even if it’s under such circumstances… She had never really given any thought to admitting to anyone about any of this… Truthfully, she was afraid to think of the future when it came to Tomo… Living in the moment was what she focused on… But now, she felt like she was about to explode if she doesn’t talk to anyone soon…
The only one who she could talk to about this she was trying to avoid. Which really is the best solution she could see right now. She knew how it will go down if she doesn’t straighten herself out first before seeing him.
Where is that damn phone?
The door to her office opened and a barrage of sentences came out from the girl earlier.
And she still can’t see her phone.
Seems like they needed to get to that shoot.
She just needed her phone.
Like right now.
The chaos around her was further adding to her frustration and its swept her away.
**
Thank God she’s survived that.
She sluggishly made her way back to her office. A dull headache making her head throb. She checked her watch. It was time to go home. She can’t stay another minute here or else things might get uglier. She pushed her hair up, thinking of the phone call that could save her. For now. Wondering how they were doing over in Korea. The last time they’ve talked was a month ago.
“Miss Mao?”
Ugh. It never ends. She turned around.
“There’s someone at the reception for you-“
At this time?
“If it’s a client, tell him I’ve left. I’ll handle it tomorrow-“
“He just said he needed to see you. And that you’ll know what it’s about. It’s a Mr. Yamashita.”
No.
It can’t be. She must have heard wrong. It can’t. It’s a pretty common name anyway. And-
Who was she kidding?
She kept her reaction, her voice, her everything neutral. The curious expression on the receptionist’s face could be seen. No doubt trying to figure out what her relation is to the man with the ambiguous message. And it sparked something in her. She headed towards the reception, her face set. A new feeling slowly surfacing.
Her steps quickened. And she saw him, standing there, casually looking around. His eyes fell on her. She took a deep breath. She stopped in front of him. She was met with his unfaltering gaze.
She wasn’t the only one who’s pissed.
She was glad no one was around. The receptionist must have had other orders. She immediately grabbed his arm and pulled him away. Leading him towards the old pantry at the end of the corridor. He didn’t protest and they silently made their way.
The door closed behind them and she rounded on him.
“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” It was taking everything in her not to shout right now.
“Seems a little familiar, don’t you think?”
It was a scene so reminiscent of the first time they’ve met. In a dark back room. Hidden from everything. Afraid people might see. A secret no one should ever know.
And every moment with her had been just exactly that. He’s tired of this game. He knows what he wants. A real life with her. Right now, he wasn’t sure if she wants it too… But he just can’t take anymore of this.
Mao seemed to miss the point. “What is the matter with you? You can’t-“
“I’m sick of this, Mao. All of this. Do you realize we are standing in a fucking pantry? Do we always have to be in the dark?”
“Maybe you’ve forgotten but you aren’t supposed to be here-“
“You walk out of a serious conversation and then ignore my calls for two weeks. And you’re telling me I’m not supposed to be here? Are you kidding me?”
“You’re deliberately trying to make things more complicated right now.” She pushed her hair up in frustration. ”You all of a sudden throw your divorce into my lap. What do you expect?”
“I would have expected at least a response to my texts and calls. I know you feel ambushed by what I did and I’m sorry, but that doesn’t mean you can just do another disappearing act. This isn’t how it works! You’re not the only one in this, Mao. How do you think I felt when I couldn’t even reach you?”
“I didn’t ask for any of this!” Her voice grew more agitated.
They both were glaring at each other. His jaw tightened.
“That’s the problem.”
Her expression changed.
“Why are you always running away? Why do I always have to chase after you?”
The sudden look in his eyes… The helplessness in his voice… Something was blocking her throat all of a sudden. She tried to steady herself.
“I… I never- I didn’t… You-“
“I’m not regretting it. I made that choice. Because I know what I want. What I’ve always wanted. But what do you really want?”
She raked her fingers through her hair. The frustration building up.
“You know how I feel. How I’ve always felt. This shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise. This is what I have in mind for us. A fresh start. But for you, what is it? What did you think would eventually happen to us?”
She drew in a shaky breath. “I-I never thought about it. I just-“
The slight hurt she saw in his eyes made her stop. She didn’t want to see that.
“I didn’t want to think about it, okay? I- You know what I want. I’ve always told you what I want. Why can’t we just stay the way we are? We have everything we need. Everything is so simple. Just perfect for us. Why can’t you see that?” She looked like she was pleading for him to understand.
“You said so yourself you didn’t want to think about it. Which means you saw it too. You’re just afraid of that future. Our future. What are you so afraid of? We’re both here. If we’re both committed to this-“
She stifled a frustrated cry. Why can’t he understand? He should know better.
“Are you listening to yourself? We came from the same place, Tomo… We’ve both been through this. And now, look at us. Look where we are right now. That future you’re talking about…” She threw her hands up in defeat, the back of her eyes burning. She looked away.
He has to understand. Even though it’s tearing her up inside, he has to. They can’t fool themselves…
“You can’t know that. No one can know that.” His voice shook a little. “You can’t let it rule over your life. Holding back like that-“
“Tomo,” Mao cut him off gently, closing her eyes for a moment. “We’ve both had a long week. We’re both tired and… I need some time. I just need to- Just give me some time…We’ll talk again…”
She looked up at him, asking once more. His brow furrowed. He was torn. She looked so drained… Rest. She needs rest. They both do. They won’t get anywhere right now.
“I’m not going to wait long…”
The lump in her throat hurt. She gave a nod.
She’s always making him wait…
This should be the last time…
**
She stood there, still staring at the doors where Tomo walked out of almost five minutes ago. The emotional turmoil was leaving her exhausted. She stood there with a blank look, oblivious to the people passing by and slightly weirded out at her.
Will she be able to make the right decision?
No matter what she chooses though, the pain will always be there…
It all comes down to choosing the one she could live with for the rest of her life.
And she wasn’t sure there was such a choice…
She turned around and made her way back slowly.
Toma emerged from behind a pillar moments later, his eyes on his wife.
**
I did say one last part left, but... T_T I am working on the rest. Just thought to let you know I'm still alive.