Anything plain can be lovely. And something imperfect can be beautiful. [4|?] [TEGOPI FANFICTION]
Title: Anything plain can be lovely. And something imperfect can be beautiful.
Chapter Title: A Broken Heart is Hard to Replace
Chapter: 4 |?
Pairing: Tegoshi Yuya/Yamashita Tomohisa
Genre: Drama, Romance
Summary: A bitter break up left Yamapi heartbroken and bleeding for everyone to see. Not only Yamapi, but also Tegoshi knows a broken heart is hard to replace. This chapter is mainly about the painful truth of break ups. I don’t think it’s angsty but more emo =p so please don't say I haven’t warned you. The next chapter should be less emo~
A/N: Yes, I thought I had finished this story but I don’t think I can leave TegoPi broken up!?
Right? We NEED a happy ending.. ^~^ so please look forward to some more chapters.
Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3
After a bitter break up Tegoshi willingly sang the duet Yamapi requested in what seemed desperation. The story continues right after the concert, that very same day.
~ After the concert ~
“What was that back then on stage Pi?”
Ryo came running towards Yamapi who got off stage last, grabbing a towel and water bottle.
“Calm down Ryo, it went fine didn’t it?”
“Yes, lucky for you it did…what if it wouldn’t have? Ever thought about what trouble this could get us into? Or maybe already has!”
Koyama joined Ryo and Yamapi in their conversation.
“I have to agree, it was hard work getting everyone involved AND make sure they keep their mouths shut so the management won’t get a whiff of it.”
“That sure was risky you know.” Out of nowhere Massu appeared throwing in his opinion, wiping his sweaty face with a towel, putting it around his shoulder.
“Yeah just wait for the management ...once they know what you’ve done with your solo…you just ditched your actual solo and threw in a song nobody has ever heard or even sung! ..You must be out of your pretty mind Pi…I don’t wanna think about what will happen to us now.....” Ryo whined, pulling at Massu’s towel.
“Yes, Yes I know but it worked out well and we even got more screams then on any other song..”
“True. Still I think we gotta prepare ourselves for a nice talk with Johnny-san.” Koyama countered.
“Don’t worry guys I will talk to everyone about it, I won’t let you get involved.”
“We ARE already involved.” Shige muttered angrily, kicking his bag across the room.
“Yeah, but it’s fine guys right? Let’s just do this together.” Koyama tried to calm the situation.
“Thank you Koyama, but I’ll do my best not to have you involved any further..I’ll go right now!”
As Yamapi walked off, Koyama turned to face the others, “Has anyone of you seen Tegoshi?”
“No, he immediately ran off stage first and then he disappeared.” Massu replied, wiping his face some more.
[///]
Yamapi ran off, aimlessly roaming the halls of the venue, trying to find someone to talk to about the show. He wasn’t sure what he’d say to them but he knew he couldn’t have anyone get in trouble because of his selfishness. Was it selfishness? Yamapi didn’t know what it was but it must have looked very idiotic to everyone and he can’t even explain it properly. Especially since nobody should know about Tegoshi and him, or as sad as it is - about what had been.
Yamapi passed the food corner where many people from the staff and press gathered, making his way through the crowd. A few times he heard someone yell ‘Yamapi!” - ‘Yamapi!” he didn’t react to any of them and kept running instead.
He figured that it would be best to just call up one of the people in charge, so he dialed his managers’ office. Damn why didn’t I think of this in the first place.
Yamapi waited a few minutes but none of the people he thought should be available picked up their phones, so he decided to wait until tomorrow.
Before he shoved his mobile phone back into his pockets he looked at the little sparkling stars on its outside, remembering why he got himself into this trouble in the first place. Tegoshi.
He smiled a sad smile as he kept on walking toward the dressing rooms. Yamapi decided to take a route through the empty halls; he knew nobody would really be around. They always gather at the same spots and usually there were certain ways as empty as if nobody had entered the venue at all. He passed a few empty rooms and toilets before he heard some strange noises coming from one of the rooms lying ahead of him. Curious as he was he entered the room silently to find Tegoshi sitting on a chair with his back facing the door.
Surprised but happy to see Tegoshi he approached him from behind.
“Hey Tegoshi~”
Tegoshi winced at the sound of Yamapi’s voice. He turned around slightly frightened. “Ah.. hey Yamashita-kun..”
Yamapi settled himself next to Tegoshi, curiously looking at his sad expression.
“Thank you for going along with the song.”
“Sure thing.”
“I’m glad you didn’t leave me hanging …”
“You know I never would.” Tegoshi’s voice seemed distressed; he forced a smile when he noticed Yamapi couldn’t stop staring at him. “You know it won’t change anything, right?”
“I didn’t expect any changes, ..” Yamapi put his hand on top of Tegoshi’s, which rested on his knee. “I simply wanted to thank you and show you how much I value your lyrics, always.”
Tegoshi winced at every word that Yamapi spoke, pulling away his hand once he finished. “Yamashita-kun,..” he stumbled.
“You don’t need to say anything,..” he slowly got up, looking down at Tegoshi’s troubled face. “I just wish I could have shown you from the start how much I cherish your love and that my feelings for you are sincere and always had been.”
Tegoshi’s eyes were filled with tears, tears he could hardly hold back. Everything Yamapi had just said was exactly what he wished he would say. It was hard to believe he had been the idiot who broke this off only because he wanted Yamapi to realize that love should be cherished before it is over. Love can be over so quickly.
Now here he was, hearing the sweetest words from the person he truly loves and all he can do is stay silent, trapped in his thoughts. Thoughts that won’t help him feel better, thoughts that would not make Yamapi feel better. He wanted to say something, but is there anything that would turn everything back to the way it was? Should he apologize? Take everything back and return to where they had been before? Would Yamapi really admit to his feelings? And could he live with hiding their relationship any longer? He really didn’t want to hide away all the time, but Yamapi surely wouldn’t want to face the truth and make their love official. True it was something risky to do but as long as Yamapi would not accept this, he had no other choice but stay as they were now. Broken up. No matter how much it hurt, he might get over it someday. He didn’t want to have to face another bitter break up. After spending even more time together it surely would hurt even more, and so he watched Yamapi leave the room in silent.
[///]
On the way to his car Yamapi received a call. He picked up nervously without looking at the caller ID, he hoped it would be Tegoshi but expected his manager.
“Oh hey, it’s you…” he replied low-keyed at the callers cheerful “hello!”
A friend from college he hadn’t seen for a while invited him out tonight. He said he wanted him to meet a friend of his. Pi didn’t really want to meet his female friend; despite she might be new in town. To his surprise he managed to convince Pi to come along in the end. He hoped to get his thoughts off of Tegoshi for a change and he might even have a little fun, he thought.
He indeed had a nice time for a change. They started out at a local bar, had some drinks and snacks before they headed to the next karaoke. His friend was crazy about singing at karaoke bars and so seemed his female company. To end the night with, they went to a club to dance before heading back. He even enjoyed the dancing and almost forgot his troubles while hanging with his friend. He’d been a really good entertainer and knew how to talk. The music intoxicating, the alcohol clouding his mind. The girl who had wanted to meet him enjoyed herself a little too much as well. Yamapi was brought back to reality when he felt her arms around his waist and her cold lips against his. It hit him hard, a feeling like waking from a cruel dream. This wasn’t the person he should kiss. And so the fun night ended with an emotional disaster. He kindly refused to take her phone number.
[///]
The next days passed by quietly, the tour turned out to be less hyper than usual. The others noticed that Yamapi wasn’t in high spirits, which somehow affected everyone’s mood. Even though Yamapi took care of the solo incident and prevent anyone from further trouble, he didn’t feel well at all. Of course the others didn’t know what bothered him and therefore tried their best to figure out how to cheer him up. Koyama’s jokes failed. Shige’s styling tips and tricks failed. Massu’s homemade lunch failed. Tegoshi avoided him and Ryo; well he seemed busy with his guitar most of the time, but took the initiative one day to talk to his friend.
Ryo approached Yamapi who was resting on the sofa, reading a comic book. No not a manga, it was an old American comic book he got off of eBay recently.
“Ne, Pi do you wanna talk?” he settled himself next to Pi, who lifted his head as he approached.
“About what Ryo?”
“Mh I dunno.. everything.”
“What is your point Ryo-chan?” Yamapi eyes him afraid he would want to really talk this time.
“Nothing. I just thought we could talk a bit, we haven’t really talked in a long time.”
“True…” He considered whether he’ actually need to talk or not. His talks with Ryo usually turned out to be very helpful and fun at the same time and yes he had to admit he had been neglecting their friendship lately.
“It seems like there is something you want to talk about Pi, and you know you can always come to me. Let’s talk like we used to when we were younger, remember?”
“Of course I remember,..“ he smiled at his friend “..though I am fine really.”
“Mh, if you say so I will believe you.” Giving Pi a nudge, “..but tell me if you change your mind.”
“I will. Thank you Ryo.” Yamapi smiled for the second time today. It’s become quite rare to see him smile lately.
[///]
Tonight he had been alone, cooking himself spaghetti, getting out the most expensive wine he could find at his mom’s place. He stopped by on the way home to say hello and chit-chat about the recent happenings in her life. It wasn’t much that had changed since he moved out and even less that changed over the past weeks he hadn’t seen her, but it was nice to exchange some words of comfort face to face for a change.
Sitting at the table, lit by candle light, drinking wine that should have been kept where it had come from, he soon had enough of the food he once loved so much. Calming classical music filled the quiet apartment, pieces of music he neither knew nor cared about. Pi lowered his head, gazing upon the black stone Tegoshi had given him; he smiled a sad smile, putting it down next to his glass. He kept staring at the shiny object in silent, for what seemed hours. Tonight again, he missed something, or rather someone he hadn’t seen every day like he should have when he had the chance to. What makes it worse, now that he couldn’t see him every day, he wished for nothing else than just that.
The very same night, Tegoshi sat on his bed with his guitar pressed against this body. He stared at a photograph of Pi that lay beside him. A tear fell down his flushed cheek, dripping from his chin onto his hand. Lifting his head a little he started to play his Vintage V 1300 improvising in the keys of E and A; singing along as well. “You were the one ~ Who loved me and held me and tried. In every way, I miss you... so bad .. tonight.”
Another tear escaped and fell down his face.
“Where do I go, when I am so alone?
Who will touch my hair, and take this pain away?
I don't want to talk; I just want someone who knows me
But that's you, and you're gone...
I miss you … so bad tonight...
I still hope that, there's a chance
for you and I, somewhere....someday...
These are the things I’ve wanted to say
But how could I, when I sent you away?”
[///]
It was the middle of the tour and soon to be over; there wasn’t a second attempt on a duet again and Pi stuck with his solo like it was planned from the beginning. By now the others gave up trying to lift Yamapi’s spirit and seemed to be quite fine themselves again. Koyama never failed to make Massu and Tegoshi laugh, and they never failed to mess with Shige and Ryo. It seemed like nothing had happened lately except everyone unwittingly avoided confrontation with Yamapi.
From the beginning of this morning Koyama kept teasing Tegoshi who was clinging to his mobile phone the whole time. They kept the noise level high, yelling and giggling madly. Even Shige seemed to be interested in their little game today.
Tegoshi escaped for a few minutes, sitting down close to the windows looking at his phone like he was waiting for it to ring. Yamapi watched them, him from across the room. He sat there with another comic in his hands, pretending to read but obviously couldn’t concentrate. It was too noisy and too crowded, and obviously too much Tegoshi.
Tegoshi lifted his with thoughts clouded head. I could keep telling myself I’m over you, pretending that what I felt was through. There is no way though, you would believe my words if I told you face to face. Chills were sent down his spine when he met Yamapi’s cold gaze. It felt like he hit a spot, frozen in time. Is it possible to just try and forget what we had with one another? I wonder if I can live never knowing if we’d have a chance to get back together.
Unable to move he kept staring at Yamapi across the room. He was quite far away but still close enough to see the sadness in his eyes. He himself couldn’t deny that he hit a low he never expected could exist in a person’s life. When I met you, I didn't have a clue that you would change my life forever, but you did. I know you think I am strong but I can hardly take seeing you happy like this. Right now it’s the hardest part, although I know…I should be happy too. Happy to see you smile, happy to hear you laugh, happy to be around you even though I can’t have you. I am tired of hearing lies, tired of telling lies. Every time we part, a piece of my heart dies.
Over and over again. Yamapi sighed; looking back down at his comic and started reading, for the first time today. He was interrupted though soon when suddenly Tegoshi’s phone started ringing and he cheerfully answered. Moments later everyone else gathered around Tegoshi, bombarding him with questions.
“Who was that?” - “was that her?” - “what did you talk about?”
~
Koyama yelled out “Tegoshi has a girlfriend!! ~ Tegoshi has a girlfriend!! ~”
“Noo~ I don’t!!” Tegoshi replied angrily, jumping on his back to hit him hard.
“Ahaha Tegoshi has a girlfriend!! ~”
“I said that’s not true ~ Stop it!” He hammered madly onto Koyama’s back.
“Are you gonna invite her to our concert?” Massu teased.
“No I won’t. I don’t even know her...She’s just moved in next to my grandma’s house and she (grandma) told her I would help her set up things in her house for her.”
“Oh she already is familiar with your family then! ~ way to go Tegoshi.” Shige joined in happily.
Staring at the crowd from afar, he could hear his heart shatter all over again. Just the thought alone, Tegoshi dating someone else, made him want to die.
[///]
After the show, Yamapi walked over to his friend and settled himself next to him.
“Do you wanna come over tonight and watch the match?” Turning around to face Ryo he asked cheerfully.
“What match are you talking about?” Ryo answered, picking up a bowl of ramen.
“The soccer match at 8!” Pi grabbed a pair of chopsticks that lay on the table in front of him, and dug them into Ryo’s ramen. He took as much as fitted on the sticks and brought it to his mouth.
“Since when do you watch soccer?”
“Mh not sure but this match’s very important! I’ve been looking forward to it for a while now. So you wanna come? I’ll have drinks… and we can talk….”
Ryo agreed happily, sharing his ramen with his friend. He smiled at the fact Pi would wanna talk to him after all.
7 PM, Yamapi welcomed Ryo into his apartment.
“Come in,” he patted his friend’s shoulder “throw your jacked anywhere you like and oh you brought beer?” Ryo handed him the pack and nodded. “Great. I’ll put them into the fridge and get us a cold one.”
“How are you doing Pi?” Ryo threw his jacked over a chair near the kitchen.
“I’m fine ~ “ he replied from behind the kitchen counter in a sing-song voice, “here catch!~”
Pi threw a pack of chips at Ryo, who casually caught it. With the drinks in his hand he led his friend into the living area.
“Oh nice Pi, you got yourself a new couch?”
“Yeah, cool isn’t it?” Tegoshi hated the old one...
“Wow, is that …white leather?” Ryo asked impressed after he let himself fall onto the couch, slowly sinking backwards into the soft but firm fabric. Yamapi nodded, opening his beer.
“Do you want some popcorn?” He passed Ryo the bowl that sat on the table. “Well just eat and drink whatever you like, like always ne.” Yamapi smiled, happy to have someone around tonight.
“Ah you got a new TV as well?” Ryo couldn’t stop envying Pi’s interior decoration.
“Most of the stuff is quite new actually.”
Ryo started to investigate the things lying around on his glass table while Yamapi searched for a channel to watch until the match would start. “Geez Pii~ since when do you like sweet popcorn?” Ryo couldn’t believe what he just ate, sweet popcorn! Pi would NEVER ever had bought these if he knew right. Oh and yes he knew Pi very well.
“Oh…they are?” Crap, I must have gotten out the wrong pack, these are Tegoshi’s favorite.
“Hell yeah! It’s disgusting!” Ryo tried to wash down the sticky sweet taste with his beer.
“Well I think I must have bought the wrong then, sorry about that. Shall I check for other ones?” Yamapi tried to sound casual.
“Mh~ it’s fine I’ll just have some chips instead.” He opened the pack and dug in deep, munching down a big pile of chips. “Geez, since when do you like the spicy ones? Are these …” he turned the pack and read aloud “Death Rain Habanero”.” Ryo added in a questioning voice.
“Ah yeah I forgot you don’t really eat spicy or sweet, ne? gomen, I really got to like them.” Yamapi rubbed his head.
“Since when Pi?” he painfully swallowed the mouthful of chips, the fiery hot taste lingering on his lips.
“Um…” Since Tegoshi kept bombarding me with them when we watched TV? “..I don’t know, I just started to really like them once I tried them.” Ryo just shook his head in disbelief.
They kept talking a little about this and that, casual chit-chat until Ryo finally asks, “Ne, Pi didn’t you wanna talk about something important with me?”
“Ah look Ryo-chan, the match is about to start!” Yamapi twirled the remote in the air, pointing it at the bright flickering TV.
“Are you really doing fine Pi? You know you can tell me right!?”
“Yeah,” Pi nodded “..I know but ..I’m fine.” Pi flashed him a weak smile and turned to face the TV. He wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, and still he had his hope set high that it would just fade from view, the painful lonely nights, the aggravating silence that filled the apartment when usually it would have been filled with Tegoshi’s laughter. Yamapi dug his hand into his pocket to touch the black stone he always kept close to him, suppressing a sad smile.
Ryo sighed, also turning to watch the said soccer match.
The next days were the final days of the tour; they all took a plane to Fukuoka making their way over to Yamaguchi, Hiroshima, and Nagoya to Osaka and back to Tokyo. The first shows only were regional and they could easily drive back home after each show, the final concerts though required overnight stay obviously.
Yamapi wasn’t too happy about being around the others almost 24/7, but he knew that after the tour was over he wouldn’t be able to see Tegoshi often for a while. It filled him with bitterness but also relief.
To be continued…..
I hope you liked it at least a little!
Comments of any kind are loved.
Until next time!!!
Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3
----------------------------
Note: Tegoshi's "Song" lines by Brooke Allison ~
Yamapi's & Tegoshi's thoughts by me. Yeh tried to be creative for once XD failed.
Chapter Title: A Broken Heart is Hard to Replace
Chapter: 4 |?
Pairing: Tegoshi Yuya/Yamashita Tomohisa
Genre: Drama, Romance
Summary: A bitter break up left Yamapi heartbroken and bleeding for everyone to see. Not only Yamapi, but also Tegoshi knows a broken heart is hard to replace. This chapter is mainly about the painful truth of break ups. I don’t think it’s angsty but more emo =p so please don't say I haven’t warned you. The next chapter should be less emo~
A/N: Yes, I thought I had finished this story but I don’t think I can leave TegoPi broken up!?
Right? We NEED a happy ending.. ^~^ so please look forward to some more chapters.
Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3
After a bitter break up Tegoshi willingly sang the duet Yamapi requested in what seemed desperation. The story continues right after the concert, that very same day.
~ After the concert ~
“What was that back then on stage Pi?”
Ryo came running towards Yamapi who got off stage last, grabbing a towel and water bottle.
“Calm down Ryo, it went fine didn’t it?”
“Yes, lucky for you it did…what if it wouldn’t have? Ever thought about what trouble this could get us into? Or maybe already has!”
Koyama joined Ryo and Yamapi in their conversation.
“I have to agree, it was hard work getting everyone involved AND make sure they keep their mouths shut so the management won’t get a whiff of it.”
“That sure was risky you know.” Out of nowhere Massu appeared throwing in his opinion, wiping his sweaty face with a towel, putting it around his shoulder.
“Yeah just wait for the management ...once they know what you’ve done with your solo…you just ditched your actual solo and threw in a song nobody has ever heard or even sung! ..You must be out of your pretty mind Pi…I don’t wanna think about what will happen to us now.....” Ryo whined, pulling at Massu’s towel.
“Yes, Yes I know but it worked out well and we even got more screams then on any other song..”
“True. Still I think we gotta prepare ourselves for a nice talk with Johnny-san.” Koyama countered.
“Don’t worry guys I will talk to everyone about it, I won’t let you get involved.”
“We ARE already involved.” Shige muttered angrily, kicking his bag across the room.
“Yeah, but it’s fine guys right? Let’s just do this together.” Koyama tried to calm the situation.
“Thank you Koyama, but I’ll do my best not to have you involved any further..I’ll go right now!”
As Yamapi walked off, Koyama turned to face the others, “Has anyone of you seen Tegoshi?”
“No, he immediately ran off stage first and then he disappeared.” Massu replied, wiping his face some more.
[///]
Yamapi ran off, aimlessly roaming the halls of the venue, trying to find someone to talk to about the show. He wasn’t sure what he’d say to them but he knew he couldn’t have anyone get in trouble because of his selfishness. Was it selfishness? Yamapi didn’t know what it was but it must have looked very idiotic to everyone and he can’t even explain it properly. Especially since nobody should know about Tegoshi and him, or as sad as it is - about what had been.
Yamapi passed the food corner where many people from the staff and press gathered, making his way through the crowd. A few times he heard someone yell ‘Yamapi!” - ‘Yamapi!” he didn’t react to any of them and kept running instead.
He figured that it would be best to just call up one of the people in charge, so he dialed his managers’ office. Damn why didn’t I think of this in the first place.
Yamapi waited a few minutes but none of the people he thought should be available picked up their phones, so he decided to wait until tomorrow.
Before he shoved his mobile phone back into his pockets he looked at the little sparkling stars on its outside, remembering why he got himself into this trouble in the first place. Tegoshi.
He smiled a sad smile as he kept on walking toward the dressing rooms. Yamapi decided to take a route through the empty halls; he knew nobody would really be around. They always gather at the same spots and usually there were certain ways as empty as if nobody had entered the venue at all. He passed a few empty rooms and toilets before he heard some strange noises coming from one of the rooms lying ahead of him. Curious as he was he entered the room silently to find Tegoshi sitting on a chair with his back facing the door.
Surprised but happy to see Tegoshi he approached him from behind.
“Hey Tegoshi~”
Tegoshi winced at the sound of Yamapi’s voice. He turned around slightly frightened. “Ah.. hey Yamashita-kun..”
Yamapi settled himself next to Tegoshi, curiously looking at his sad expression.
“Thank you for going along with the song.”
“Sure thing.”
“I’m glad you didn’t leave me hanging …”
“You know I never would.” Tegoshi’s voice seemed distressed; he forced a smile when he noticed Yamapi couldn’t stop staring at him. “You know it won’t change anything, right?”
“I didn’t expect any changes, ..” Yamapi put his hand on top of Tegoshi’s, which rested on his knee. “I simply wanted to thank you and show you how much I value your lyrics, always.”
Tegoshi winced at every word that Yamapi spoke, pulling away his hand once he finished. “Yamashita-kun,..” he stumbled.
“You don’t need to say anything,..” he slowly got up, looking down at Tegoshi’s troubled face. “I just wish I could have shown you from the start how much I cherish your love and that my feelings for you are sincere and always had been.”
Tegoshi’s eyes were filled with tears, tears he could hardly hold back. Everything Yamapi had just said was exactly what he wished he would say. It was hard to believe he had been the idiot who broke this off only because he wanted Yamapi to realize that love should be cherished before it is over. Love can be over so quickly.
Now here he was, hearing the sweetest words from the person he truly loves and all he can do is stay silent, trapped in his thoughts. Thoughts that won’t help him feel better, thoughts that would not make Yamapi feel better. He wanted to say something, but is there anything that would turn everything back to the way it was? Should he apologize? Take everything back and return to where they had been before? Would Yamapi really admit to his feelings? And could he live with hiding their relationship any longer? He really didn’t want to hide away all the time, but Yamapi surely wouldn’t want to face the truth and make their love official. True it was something risky to do but as long as Yamapi would not accept this, he had no other choice but stay as they were now. Broken up. No matter how much it hurt, he might get over it someday. He didn’t want to have to face another bitter break up. After spending even more time together it surely would hurt even more, and so he watched Yamapi leave the room in silent.
[///]
On the way to his car Yamapi received a call. He picked up nervously without looking at the caller ID, he hoped it would be Tegoshi but expected his manager.
“Oh hey, it’s you…” he replied low-keyed at the callers cheerful “hello!”
A friend from college he hadn’t seen for a while invited him out tonight. He said he wanted him to meet a friend of his. Pi didn’t really want to meet his female friend; despite she might be new in town. To his surprise he managed to convince Pi to come along in the end. He hoped to get his thoughts off of Tegoshi for a change and he might even have a little fun, he thought.
He indeed had a nice time for a change. They started out at a local bar, had some drinks and snacks before they headed to the next karaoke. His friend was crazy about singing at karaoke bars and so seemed his female company. To end the night with, they went to a club to dance before heading back. He even enjoyed the dancing and almost forgot his troubles while hanging with his friend. He’d been a really good entertainer and knew how to talk. The music intoxicating, the alcohol clouding his mind. The girl who had wanted to meet him enjoyed herself a little too much as well. Yamapi was brought back to reality when he felt her arms around his waist and her cold lips against his. It hit him hard, a feeling like waking from a cruel dream. This wasn’t the person he should kiss. And so the fun night ended with an emotional disaster. He kindly refused to take her phone number.
[///]
The next days passed by quietly, the tour turned out to be less hyper than usual. The others noticed that Yamapi wasn’t in high spirits, which somehow affected everyone’s mood. Even though Yamapi took care of the solo incident and prevent anyone from further trouble, he didn’t feel well at all. Of course the others didn’t know what bothered him and therefore tried their best to figure out how to cheer him up. Koyama’s jokes failed. Shige’s styling tips and tricks failed. Massu’s homemade lunch failed. Tegoshi avoided him and Ryo; well he seemed busy with his guitar most of the time, but took the initiative one day to talk to his friend.
Ryo approached Yamapi who was resting on the sofa, reading a comic book. No not a manga, it was an old American comic book he got off of eBay recently.
“Ne, Pi do you wanna talk?” he settled himself next to Pi, who lifted his head as he approached.
“About what Ryo?”
“Mh I dunno.. everything.”
“What is your point Ryo-chan?” Yamapi eyes him afraid he would want to really talk this time.
“Nothing. I just thought we could talk a bit, we haven’t really talked in a long time.”
“True…” He considered whether he’ actually need to talk or not. His talks with Ryo usually turned out to be very helpful and fun at the same time and yes he had to admit he had been neglecting their friendship lately.
“It seems like there is something you want to talk about Pi, and you know you can always come to me. Let’s talk like we used to when we were younger, remember?”
“Of course I remember,..“ he smiled at his friend “..though I am fine really.”
“Mh, if you say so I will believe you.” Giving Pi a nudge, “..but tell me if you change your mind.”
“I will. Thank you Ryo.” Yamapi smiled for the second time today. It’s become quite rare to see him smile lately.
[///]
Tonight he had been alone, cooking himself spaghetti, getting out the most expensive wine he could find at his mom’s place. He stopped by on the way home to say hello and chit-chat about the recent happenings in her life. It wasn’t much that had changed since he moved out and even less that changed over the past weeks he hadn’t seen her, but it was nice to exchange some words of comfort face to face for a change.
Sitting at the table, lit by candle light, drinking wine that should have been kept where it had come from, he soon had enough of the food he once loved so much. Calming classical music filled the quiet apartment, pieces of music he neither knew nor cared about. Pi lowered his head, gazing upon the black stone Tegoshi had given him; he smiled a sad smile, putting it down next to his glass. He kept staring at the shiny object in silent, for what seemed hours. Tonight again, he missed something, or rather someone he hadn’t seen every day like he should have when he had the chance to. What makes it worse, now that he couldn’t see him every day, he wished for nothing else than just that.
The very same night, Tegoshi sat on his bed with his guitar pressed against this body. He stared at a photograph of Pi that lay beside him. A tear fell down his flushed cheek, dripping from his chin onto his hand. Lifting his head a little he started to play his Vintage V 1300 improvising in the keys of E and A; singing along as well. “You were the one ~ Who loved me and held me and tried. In every way, I miss you... so bad .. tonight.”
Another tear escaped and fell down his face.
“Where do I go, when I am so alone?
Who will touch my hair, and take this pain away?
I don't want to talk; I just want someone who knows me
But that's you, and you're gone...
I miss you … so bad tonight...
I still hope that, there's a chance
for you and I, somewhere....someday...
These are the things I’ve wanted to say
But how could I, when I sent you away?”
[///]
It was the middle of the tour and soon to be over; there wasn’t a second attempt on a duet again and Pi stuck with his solo like it was planned from the beginning. By now the others gave up trying to lift Yamapi’s spirit and seemed to be quite fine themselves again. Koyama never failed to make Massu and Tegoshi laugh, and they never failed to mess with Shige and Ryo. It seemed like nothing had happened lately except everyone unwittingly avoided confrontation with Yamapi.
From the beginning of this morning Koyama kept teasing Tegoshi who was clinging to his mobile phone the whole time. They kept the noise level high, yelling and giggling madly. Even Shige seemed to be interested in their little game today.
Tegoshi escaped for a few minutes, sitting down close to the windows looking at his phone like he was waiting for it to ring. Yamapi watched them, him from across the room. He sat there with another comic in his hands, pretending to read but obviously couldn’t concentrate. It was too noisy and too crowded, and obviously too much Tegoshi.
Tegoshi lifted his with thoughts clouded head. I could keep telling myself I’m over you, pretending that what I felt was through. There is no way though, you would believe my words if I told you face to face. Chills were sent down his spine when he met Yamapi’s cold gaze. It felt like he hit a spot, frozen in time. Is it possible to just try and forget what we had with one another? I wonder if I can live never knowing if we’d have a chance to get back together.
Unable to move he kept staring at Yamapi across the room. He was quite far away but still close enough to see the sadness in his eyes. He himself couldn’t deny that he hit a low he never expected could exist in a person’s life. When I met you, I didn't have a clue that you would change my life forever, but you did. I know you think I am strong but I can hardly take seeing you happy like this. Right now it’s the hardest part, although I know…I should be happy too. Happy to see you smile, happy to hear you laugh, happy to be around you even though I can’t have you. I am tired of hearing lies, tired of telling lies. Every time we part, a piece of my heart dies.
Over and over again. Yamapi sighed; looking back down at his comic and started reading, for the first time today. He was interrupted though soon when suddenly Tegoshi’s phone started ringing and he cheerfully answered. Moments later everyone else gathered around Tegoshi, bombarding him with questions.
“Who was that?” - “was that her?” - “what did you talk about?”
~
Koyama yelled out “Tegoshi has a girlfriend!! ~ Tegoshi has a girlfriend!! ~”
“Noo~ I don’t!!” Tegoshi replied angrily, jumping on his back to hit him hard.
“Ahaha Tegoshi has a girlfriend!! ~”
“I said that’s not true ~ Stop it!” He hammered madly onto Koyama’s back.
“Are you gonna invite her to our concert?” Massu teased.
“No I won’t. I don’t even know her...She’s just moved in next to my grandma’s house and she (grandma) told her I would help her set up things in her house for her.”
“Oh she already is familiar with your family then! ~ way to go Tegoshi.” Shige joined in happily.
Staring at the crowd from afar, he could hear his heart shatter all over again. Just the thought alone, Tegoshi dating someone else, made him want to die.
[///]
After the show, Yamapi walked over to his friend and settled himself next to him.
“Do you wanna come over tonight and watch the match?” Turning around to face Ryo he asked cheerfully.
“What match are you talking about?” Ryo answered, picking up a bowl of ramen.
“The soccer match at 8!” Pi grabbed a pair of chopsticks that lay on the table in front of him, and dug them into Ryo’s ramen. He took as much as fitted on the sticks and brought it to his mouth.
“Since when do you watch soccer?”
“Mh not sure but this match’s very important! I’ve been looking forward to it for a while now. So you wanna come? I’ll have drinks… and we can talk….”
Ryo agreed happily, sharing his ramen with his friend. He smiled at the fact Pi would wanna talk to him after all.
7 PM, Yamapi welcomed Ryo into his apartment.
“Come in,” he patted his friend’s shoulder “throw your jacked anywhere you like and oh you brought beer?” Ryo handed him the pack and nodded. “Great. I’ll put them into the fridge and get us a cold one.”
“How are you doing Pi?” Ryo threw his jacked over a chair near the kitchen.
“I’m fine ~ “ he replied from behind the kitchen counter in a sing-song voice, “here catch!~”
Pi threw a pack of chips at Ryo, who casually caught it. With the drinks in his hand he led his friend into the living area.
“Oh nice Pi, you got yourself a new couch?”
“Yeah, cool isn’t it?” Tegoshi hated the old one...
“Wow, is that …white leather?” Ryo asked impressed after he let himself fall onto the couch, slowly sinking backwards into the soft but firm fabric. Yamapi nodded, opening his beer.
“Do you want some popcorn?” He passed Ryo the bowl that sat on the table. “Well just eat and drink whatever you like, like always ne.” Yamapi smiled, happy to have someone around tonight.
“Ah you got a new TV as well?” Ryo couldn’t stop envying Pi’s interior decoration.
“Most of the stuff is quite new actually.”
Ryo started to investigate the things lying around on his glass table while Yamapi searched for a channel to watch until the match would start. “Geez Pii~ since when do you like sweet popcorn?” Ryo couldn’t believe what he just ate, sweet popcorn! Pi would NEVER ever had bought these if he knew right. Oh and yes he knew Pi very well.
“Oh…they are?” Crap, I must have gotten out the wrong pack, these are Tegoshi’s favorite.
“Hell yeah! It’s disgusting!” Ryo tried to wash down the sticky sweet taste with his beer.
“Well I think I must have bought the wrong then, sorry about that. Shall I check for other ones?” Yamapi tried to sound casual.
“Mh~ it’s fine I’ll just have some chips instead.” He opened the pack and dug in deep, munching down a big pile of chips. “Geez, since when do you like the spicy ones? Are these …” he turned the pack and read aloud “Death Rain Habanero”.” Ryo added in a questioning voice.
“Ah yeah I forgot you don’t really eat spicy or sweet, ne? gomen, I really got to like them.” Yamapi rubbed his head.
“Since when Pi?” he painfully swallowed the mouthful of chips, the fiery hot taste lingering on his lips.
“Um…” Since Tegoshi kept bombarding me with them when we watched TV? “..I don’t know, I just started to really like them once I tried them.” Ryo just shook his head in disbelief.
They kept talking a little about this and that, casual chit-chat until Ryo finally asks, “Ne, Pi didn’t you wanna talk about something important with me?”
“Ah look Ryo-chan, the match is about to start!” Yamapi twirled the remote in the air, pointing it at the bright flickering TV.
“Are you really doing fine Pi? You know you can tell me right!?”
“Yeah,” Pi nodded “..I know but ..I’m fine.” Pi flashed him a weak smile and turned to face the TV. He wasn’t ready to talk about it yet, and still he had his hope set high that it would just fade from view, the painful lonely nights, the aggravating silence that filled the apartment when usually it would have been filled with Tegoshi’s laughter. Yamapi dug his hand into his pocket to touch the black stone he always kept close to him, suppressing a sad smile.
Ryo sighed, also turning to watch the said soccer match.
The next days were the final days of the tour; they all took a plane to Fukuoka making their way over to Yamaguchi, Hiroshima, and Nagoya to Osaka and back to Tokyo. The first shows only were regional and they could easily drive back home after each show, the final concerts though required overnight stay obviously.
Yamapi wasn’t too happy about being around the others almost 24/7, but he knew that after the tour was over he wouldn’t be able to see Tegoshi often for a while. It filled him with bitterness but also relief.
To be continued…..
I hope you liked it at least a little!
Comments of any kind are loved.
Until next time!!!
Chapter 1 || Chapter 2 || Chapter 3
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Note: Tegoshi's "Song" lines by Brooke Allison ~
Yamapi's & Tegoshi's thoughts by me. Yeh tried to be creative for once XD failed.