.........Pillow...( AfterLight )...Book...........
August 13, 1885, Higashi-Osaka, Honshu, Japan
Winter is:
a bare tree.
a visible breath.
a deep chill.
a silence.
a buried hope.
Michiru-san is leaving the pleasure house.
Michiru-san of the lovely hair and beautiful face is leaving to marry a low ranking government official who is about to gain a promotion. With that promotion, Michiru-san will be able to live in moderate comfort with her man and his family. Where normally one such as Michiru-san would be live a tortured life because of her previous profession, Michiru-san will live a warm and happy life because her grace cannot be ignored.
All one has to do is sip from Michiru-san's expertly made tea to know she is a woman of value. To smell a hint of her plum fragrance to know she is a woman of taste. To bask in the glow of her soft, shy smile to know she is a woman of modesty. Michiru-san has always been aglow like a firefly in the darkest of night. A soft, comforting presence that shines despite the ugliness around her.
Michiru-san has always been the most agreeable person I have ever known. In all of the life I have shared with her in the house, she has never raised her voice. The only tears she has ever shed have been in happiness or sadness. If there is anger or bitterness within her, she has never displayed it. Not even towards my mother who has always been a harsh mistress to the house, she has never been angered. Not like me.
Michiru-san would be scolded and would always nod in acceptance; acknowledgeing her slight and would promise with her silken voice to correct her mistake, which she would never have to be scolded for again. My mother used Michiru-san as the measuring stick all the girls of the house should follow. I think she knew I admired Michiru-san so she would often heartlessly list our dissimilarities to show me how far I would never be able to go in order to be acceptable.
I hate Michiru-san.
Michiru-san has always been blessed with being an ordinary woman, content with her lot in life. Content to work in the pleasure house, content to steadily welcome men to her bed because she knew of no other thing to do and felt she had no other desire than to do it well. She cried prettily when her favourites wandered away or were married. She smiled happily when new favourites made themselves known. Mother always made sure that only the most worthy and wealthy of gentleman made his way to Michiru-san's bed.
Mother knew and acknowledged Michiru-san's worth.
Mother could not see mine.
Now Michiru-san will leave and take her grace with her. Her soft hands will no longer fold my long black hair and form fetching shapes. Her sweet voice will not playfully scold me when I fall into temper by my mother's provocation. I will no longer be able to smell her sweet, feminine scent and feel myself lovingly folded into her arms as I did the night she came to me and told me that she would be leaving.
'You must not be sad by my leaving,' she said, as if she had any sort of idea of the depth of my emotion. 'You must stay here and work harder for your Mother. You must work to become the woman you were meant to be. And someday, maybe someone else will whisk you from the house, maybe someone like Akimichi Chouji-kun, hmm?' She blushed prettily in her teasing.
She saw my eyes darken and interpreted that as a sign of shyness or of deep emotion where Chouji was concerned. Perhaps it was. But the truth is that it was the first time I ever wanted to strike Michiru-san's beautiful pale face. I shook with the effort not to hurt the first woman I ever loved. I did not want to hurt her.
I closed my eyes and waited until I could feel her pull back from our embrace. She touched my cheek softly and implored me to open my eyes. I shook my head no. She asked me why I would not see her and I said to her, 'I do not want to see you leave. And I know it is childish of me, but if I close my eyes and don't watch..it is like...maybe you have not left."
Michiru-san's hand moved from my cheek into my thick black hair. She murmured, "You must accept the reality of this moment, Seiko-san. Even if you do not watch me leave, I will be gone and you and your heart will know it. You cannot hide from the truth, Seiko. You cannot hide from life. Open your eyes and watch me. Watch me leave. Keep that in your heart if it makes you sad. It will make me happy to know that there is someone in the world who cared enough to watch me go. Please, Seiko?"
I opened my eyes and I saw through my tears Michiru-san's face. In her eyes there was polite sweetness. She was a simple woman and she worried kindly about the tears of a half-woman crying in her wake. This moment felt like a prelude to death to me. But then I remembered hearing Akimichi Chouji's voice in my head. And he said that if we die everyday, then we are reborn everyday as well. It comforted me to know that tomorrow I would be one day stronger.
I cannot hide from the truth. But I refuse to accept the reality of my situation. I will never become complacent like Michiru-san. I will never be agreeable and accept placing my life unthinkingly in the hands of others. I will not smile as they steal from me. I will not simply do what is done because it is right, because it has always been that way.
I will never have a family. A family is a thing that holds you into place and consumes your intentions. It steals your dreams. It forces compromise. It requires sacrifices. It requires you to remain stationary while a life of infinite possibility passes you by. And once you are choked to death like kudzu around the base of a maple tree, you are willing to accept any fate, any situation that gives you continued existence. You cease to live and begin to merely survive.
I want to live.
Goodbye, Michiru-san.
I hope your life of unanticipation brings you the fulfillment you have never sought.
I think, "At least in my dreams
we'll be able to meet ..."
Moving my pillow
this way and that on the bed,
completely unable to sleep.
--Izumi Shikibu
Higashi-Osaka, Honshu, Japan, April 15th, 1960
Seiko stood on the hill and looked down at the city. A nearby large and functional white building shone dully in the partial moonlight. The grounds around it were carefully maintained for sport and recreation. Even now there were young girls in long uniformed dresses lying about the grasses either chattering quietly or giggling over heartfelt secrets.
Though distant, Seiko sat and masked her presence to give the girls the illusion of solitude. To give herself the illusion as well. She tucked a bit of wayward bang from her eyes and soaked in the sight below her. As time passed, the girls meandered inside to the small dormitory, and eventually all the lights in the building were out and all was still.
Seiko contiued to sit in silence and watch, her gaze more inward than out.
"Akimichi Sakurako-sama?"
Seiko blinked and turned her head to find an old woman standing at her side. Her obfuscated side. Dumbfounded, Seiko spoke, "How.. do you know this name?"
The old woman dressed in an unpatterned, dark blue kimono gripped her cane gently as she turned her attention fully to the sitting vampire. She smiled a kindly, gap-toothed smile. "He has described you to me many a night. And I have always been able to see you."
Seiko did not know how to respond to these statements. She merely watched the woman in confusion and growing suspicion.
"Would you like some tea?"
Seiko considered the request and then nodded. She drew herself up off the grass, her own dark green kimono gleaming softly in the moonlight. The woman looked down at Seiko's unshod feet and smiled to herself. Without another word, she turned and began to carefully make her way down the backside of the hill, down concrete steps.
Seiko walked in a measured pace behind, her mind racing. She tried to remember if she knew this old woman. But it could not have been possible. The woman was near her seventies and Seiko had not spent enough time in the early century here long enough to make acquantances. Especially not around little girls. Yet there was something familiar about her...
Seiko asked softly, "Where have we met before?"
The woman did not answer for many paces, "We have never met, Sakurako-sama."
Seiko frowned at the intrigue and reluctantly smiled despite herself, this was a woman after her own heart. One who would speak only when she desired to, to share what she wished in her own time. Seiko nodded behind the woman's back in a gesture of respect and acquiesence. She would do this thing her way.
The woman led Seiko down the hill to a small cabin near the girl's dormitory. There she took to the steps of the wooden patio and with a steady pace, clicked her cane until they came to the tea room. She knelt without too much strain and slipped a hand between the wall and the shoji, sliding the paper door back easily, holding onto her sleeve with her free hand as was the tradition. She sat back on her heels and gestured for Seiko to enter, "Doozo."
Seiko nodded and padded onto the tatami, admiring the small tea room's sparseness with approval. The dark cherry wood table and it's soft pillows were inviting and she sat as the old woman closed the shoji shut and moved to the cabinet to fetch the tea items. A cheerful fire had already been set and the water had just come to a boil as the woman approached it.
Seiko sat quietly as she watched the woman prepare her tea. The woman's style was delicate and her hands were steady despite her advanced age. Posture straight, there was a way she held her chin, the way in which she grasped her sleeve that gave Seiko pause.
Unable to respect the silence any longer, Seiko spoke, "Your technique is so exact, it reminds me of another...where did you learn your tea ceremony?"
"From my mother."
Seiko studied the woman's features, she tried to pull back time from her eyes to imagine what a vital young woman this person must have once been. It was an exercise in futility, Seiko could not imagine her young.
The woman placed the cup before Seiko. Seiko lifted the cup and studied the tea inside. With studied ritual, she turned the cup just so before bringing it to her lips for the barest of tastes. She brought the cup to hover near her heart and nodded to indicate that the tea was indeed fresh and appreciated.
The old woman smiled and lifted her own cup, taking a sip and nodded in return.
The two women sat and drank tea in silence.
"It is nice for you to pretend for this old woman."
Seiko's gaze met that of the woman's.
"I am Kakashi Arashi, it is an honour and pleasure to meet you after all of these years." The woman bowed her head in formality.
Seiko nodded her head in return, "It is I who am honoured to have been remembered after... I can only guess how many years. Your tea ceremony is without flaw and your limbs are still remarkably graceful."
Arashi smiled and nodded again in thanks, "I am old, but I am not useless."
Seiko smiled at that.
Arashi raised the teapot to refill Seiko's cup, "I know who you are because you are the Akimichi widow who founded our little girl's school all those years ago. We were all excited at the idea of going to school. My mother said that the site of the school held such memories for her because it had once been a place she'd lived and worked. I remember sneaking out of my house the night before it opened and running through the streets like a wild child because I wanted to see this amazing place that would come to consume me. I loved learning and this building was a place where I would not have to worry about bullying boys teasing me. Girls only. I would have an actual school uniform..." She smiled in fond rememberance, "These small things brought such joy to my heart. I still think on them with great pleasure.
"And when I arrived at the building, I saw you. You stood in front of it for a long time. And then you began to walk around it as if to inspect it. At one point you even snuck into it. I was too scared to follow you, there was such an odd presence about you. I felt like I could feel your eyes looking into me, like you knew I was there. I didn't dare get close to you. I just watched you until the moon disappeared, and then I got scared and I raced home. Exhilarated. I didn't sleep at all that night and I prayed that I would get to meet you at the sunrise. I thought perhaps you were a teacher. If you were, I was certain you would be my favourite." She chuckles, "My imagination has always been great, even now. Some would say too great."
Seiko studied the woman's features and spoke softly, "I am sorry I disappointed you by not being there for you."
The woman waved a hand, "Not at all, those were the foolish estimations of a young girl whose head lived with the clouds. It is no fault of yours that I imagined things that did not exist. I was young and the disappointment was swiftly replaced by new mysteries."
Seiko nodded and sipped obligingly at her tea, "Then..how did you come to know..that name?"
Arashi nodded, "I was a good student but school did not keep me fully occupied. I was also a great snoop so I made a hobby out of learning of business that wasn't mine to know. I worked at the local temple where the records were kept. I would come by once a week and clean the shelves. I would also read through those things and I learned more than people would suspect.
"Those records were proof of life and death. They were proof of lives lived and transactions made. I found Akimichi Chouji's final papers. And I found that your name was added to the family listing at his request. It was obviously forged, but no one cared because you never took your wealth away from here. You put it into the town, into the new school. People thought you were old and weathered and soon after they thought you were dead and gone."
Seiko placed the cup gently on the table and nodded, "But you knew differently."
The old woman nodded, taking a long leasurely sip of tea.
A flare of irritation coloured Seiko's question, "How did you know this? How do you know what I am?"
Arashi finished savouring her tea, "I'm not sure of what sort of creature you are. He refers to you as Inari-seikun. He says you have the smile of a goddess. You are not a great beauty, but there is something about you that is pure. And despite...the aura of your presence, I trust that there is good as well as evil within you. If not, I'm sure I would not still be here speaking to you as I have been."
Seiko's head tilted to the side in confusion, "Who is 'he'?"
Arashi smiled, "You know of whom I speak. You just refuse to believe it."
"I find it hard to believe because the person whom I suspect you refer to died many years before your birth, I am certain of it."
"And are you certain that death is the end of one's journey, Sakurako-sama?"
Seiko was floored.
Arashi continued her story as if it were uninterrupted, "I graduated from this school and went to university. I then returned to teach here and eventually I came to be in charge. For fifty years my fate has been tied to these buildings. And to you. I knew you would return tonight. Just as I've always had the ability to know that there are other creatures in this world that exist as fully as we mere humans do. Some are good. Some are not. But they all function as they must. There is a harmony to existence if one is patient enough to study it carefully.
"I have always seen spirits. And I often spoke with Akimichi Chouji-san. He was so very fond of you that he would not rest. He told me many stories of you. Things that I suspect even you did not realize he would know about. For example, he knew about how fond of my mother you were. When she left the house, he could see your sadness but did not know how to abate it."
Seiko could not absorb the revelations. She raised a hand in protest, in confusion.
The woman nodded and turned her attention to brewing a fresh pot of tea, to allow Seiko the opportunity to think.
"Anata wa Michiru-san no-"
"Hai. Sou da."
Seiko studied the woman, the only similiarity she could match with the smiling, soft woman of her memories were her eyes. Arashi smiled, "You do not know this..but like my mother, we were beautiful young women. But once we became old..our beauty left us. It was as if we were given so many blessings early in our lives that we could not sustain them. Whereas my mother traded her beauty for a family and respectability, I squandered mine and have ended up here alone with only your children to keep me company."
Seiko frowned, "I do not have any children."
The woman's laughter was near cackling, "What do you call those girls sleeping away in their dormitories? What do you call me and mine? We are your children as surely as if you raised us. You took us in, you taught us the skills we would need to exist in life, you nurtured us until we were able to survive on our own. For our orphans you even provided a stipend if they turned their attention to the school...even if you did not do it by your own hand, your spirit has always ever been here. We are your children and your legacy."
Seiko could not find words. She was uncomfortable but within her heart, moved. Her eyes lowered and she offered her half-drained cup for more warmth. Arashi obliged, pouring the tea carefully before refilling her own cup, "He said you would not react well."
In irritation, Seiko snapped, "I am sick of hearing about this shade. Chouji is dead and gone. You truly do have a great imagination."
Arashi was unfazed, "He is gone now, yes. He came to me one Christmas, joyous and relaxed. He said he no longer needed to watch you and he faded from my view."
Seiko stood, "I would like to thank you for the tea. It was truly worthy of your mother's reputation. She would have been proud to have seen your grace-"
"What has always been your greatest wish, Seiko-san?"
Seiko frowned at the old woman's interruption and answered honestly, "I stopped wishing when I was very young, Arashi-dono."
"But you wished, didn't you?"
Seiko did not respond.
"I believe that one day yours will become reality. And once it is in your grasp again, you will die before you let it go. I am glad to have finally been able to share tea with you, it has been a wish of mine for over fifty years now."
Seiko's voice was quiet and stark, "I do not have any family, Arashi-dono."
"You do and you will."
Seiko felt exposed and she drew the night around herself to mask her presence. The old woman's gaze stayed fixed on her form none-the-less. Ever a gracious hostess as was her mother, Arashi rose to her feet and opened the shoji for the dark woman's departure. She spoke as Seiko passed by, "You have always been a mother, Seiko-san. Continue to protect those who cannot protect themselves and one night you will have that which you most desire."
Seiko thought to herself, I don't believe you.
Arashi answered aloud, "Yes, you do. You cannot hide from the truth, Seiko. And you cannot run forever. But if it makes you feel better..you can always run for a little while." The Crone began to cackle in amusement.
Seiko fled.
"Paradise (Not For Me)"
by Madonna
I can't remember
When I was young
I can't explain
If it was wrong
My life goes on
But not the same
Into your eyes
My face remains
(I've been so high)
I've been so down
(Up to the skies)
Down to the ground
I was so blind
I could not see
Your paradise
Is not for me
Autour de moi..........All around me
Je ne vois pas.........I could not see
Qui sont des anges.....Who are the angels
Surement pas moi.......Surely not me
Encore une fois........Once more again
Je suis cassee.........I am broken
Encore une fois........Once more again
Je n'y crois pas.......I don't believe it
[Chorus:]
I've been so high
I've been so down
Up to the skies
Down to the ground
There is a light
Above my head
Into your eyes
My face remains
[chorus]
I can't remember
When I was young
Into your eyes
My face remains
Into your eyes
My face remains
Spring is:
that which rejects Winter.
Winter is:
a bare tree.
a visible breath.
a deep chill.
a silence.
a buried hope.
Michiru-san is leaving the pleasure house.
Michiru-san of the lovely hair and beautiful face is leaving to marry a low ranking government official who is about to gain a promotion. With that promotion, Michiru-san will be able to live in moderate comfort with her man and his family. Where normally one such as Michiru-san would be live a tortured life because of her previous profession, Michiru-san will live a warm and happy life because her grace cannot be ignored.
All one has to do is sip from Michiru-san's expertly made tea to know she is a woman of value. To smell a hint of her plum fragrance to know she is a woman of taste. To bask in the glow of her soft, shy smile to know she is a woman of modesty. Michiru-san has always been aglow like a firefly in the darkest of night. A soft, comforting presence that shines despite the ugliness around her.
Michiru-san has always been the most agreeable person I have ever known. In all of the life I have shared with her in the house, she has never raised her voice. The only tears she has ever shed have been in happiness or sadness. If there is anger or bitterness within her, she has never displayed it. Not even towards my mother who has always been a harsh mistress to the house, she has never been angered. Not like me.
Michiru-san would be scolded and would always nod in acceptance; acknowledgeing her slight and would promise with her silken voice to correct her mistake, which she would never have to be scolded for again. My mother used Michiru-san as the measuring stick all the girls of the house should follow. I think she knew I admired Michiru-san so she would often heartlessly list our dissimilarities to show me how far I would never be able to go in order to be acceptable.
I hate Michiru-san.
Michiru-san has always been blessed with being an ordinary woman, content with her lot in life. Content to work in the pleasure house, content to steadily welcome men to her bed because she knew of no other thing to do and felt she had no other desire than to do it well. She cried prettily when her favourites wandered away or were married. She smiled happily when new favourites made themselves known. Mother always made sure that only the most worthy and wealthy of gentleman made his way to Michiru-san's bed.
Mother knew and acknowledged Michiru-san's worth.
Mother could not see mine.
Now Michiru-san will leave and take her grace with her. Her soft hands will no longer fold my long black hair and form fetching shapes. Her sweet voice will not playfully scold me when I fall into temper by my mother's provocation. I will no longer be able to smell her sweet, feminine scent and feel myself lovingly folded into her arms as I did the night she came to me and told me that she would be leaving.
'You must not be sad by my leaving,' she said, as if she had any sort of idea of the depth of my emotion. 'You must stay here and work harder for your Mother. You must work to become the woman you were meant to be. And someday, maybe someone else will whisk you from the house, maybe someone like Akimichi Chouji-kun, hmm?' She blushed prettily in her teasing.
She saw my eyes darken and interpreted that as a sign of shyness or of deep emotion where Chouji was concerned. Perhaps it was. But the truth is that it was the first time I ever wanted to strike Michiru-san's beautiful pale face. I shook with the effort not to hurt the first woman I ever loved. I did not want to hurt her.
I closed my eyes and waited until I could feel her pull back from our embrace. She touched my cheek softly and implored me to open my eyes. I shook my head no. She asked me why I would not see her and I said to her, 'I do not want to see you leave. And I know it is childish of me, but if I close my eyes and don't watch..it is like...maybe you have not left."
Michiru-san's hand moved from my cheek into my thick black hair. She murmured, "You must accept the reality of this moment, Seiko-san. Even if you do not watch me leave, I will be gone and you and your heart will know it. You cannot hide from the truth, Seiko. You cannot hide from life. Open your eyes and watch me. Watch me leave. Keep that in your heart if it makes you sad. It will make me happy to know that there is someone in the world who cared enough to watch me go. Please, Seiko?"
I opened my eyes and I saw through my tears Michiru-san's face. In her eyes there was polite sweetness. She was a simple woman and she worried kindly about the tears of a half-woman crying in her wake. This moment felt like a prelude to death to me. But then I remembered hearing Akimichi Chouji's voice in my head. And he said that if we die everyday, then we are reborn everyday as well. It comforted me to know that tomorrow I would be one day stronger.
I cannot hide from the truth. But I refuse to accept the reality of my situation. I will never become complacent like Michiru-san. I will never be agreeable and accept placing my life unthinkingly in the hands of others. I will not smile as they steal from me. I will not simply do what is done because it is right, because it has always been that way.
I will never have a family. A family is a thing that holds you into place and consumes your intentions. It steals your dreams. It forces compromise. It requires sacrifices. It requires you to remain stationary while a life of infinite possibility passes you by. And once you are choked to death like kudzu around the base of a maple tree, you are willing to accept any fate, any situation that gives you continued existence. You cease to live and begin to merely survive.
I want to live.
Goodbye, Michiru-san.
I hope your life of unanticipation brings you the fulfillment you have never sought.
I think, "At least in my dreams
we'll be able to meet ..."
Moving my pillow
this way and that on the bed,
completely unable to sleep.
--Izumi Shikibu
Higashi-Osaka, Honshu, Japan, April 15th, 1960
Seiko stood on the hill and looked down at the city. A nearby large and functional white building shone dully in the partial moonlight. The grounds around it were carefully maintained for sport and recreation. Even now there were young girls in long uniformed dresses lying about the grasses either chattering quietly or giggling over heartfelt secrets.
Though distant, Seiko sat and masked her presence to give the girls the illusion of solitude. To give herself the illusion as well. She tucked a bit of wayward bang from her eyes and soaked in the sight below her. As time passed, the girls meandered inside to the small dormitory, and eventually all the lights in the building were out and all was still.
Seiko contiued to sit in silence and watch, her gaze more inward than out.
"Akimichi Sakurako-sama?"
Seiko blinked and turned her head to find an old woman standing at her side. Her obfuscated side. Dumbfounded, Seiko spoke, "How.. do you know this name?"
The old woman dressed in an unpatterned, dark blue kimono gripped her cane gently as she turned her attention fully to the sitting vampire. She smiled a kindly, gap-toothed smile. "He has described you to me many a night. And I have always been able to see you."
Seiko did not know how to respond to these statements. She merely watched the woman in confusion and growing suspicion.
"Would you like some tea?"
Seiko considered the request and then nodded. She drew herself up off the grass, her own dark green kimono gleaming softly in the moonlight. The woman looked down at Seiko's unshod feet and smiled to herself. Without another word, she turned and began to carefully make her way down the backside of the hill, down concrete steps.
Seiko walked in a measured pace behind, her mind racing. She tried to remember if she knew this old woman. But it could not have been possible. The woman was near her seventies and Seiko had not spent enough time in the early century here long enough to make acquantances. Especially not around little girls. Yet there was something familiar about her...
Seiko asked softly, "Where have we met before?"
The woman did not answer for many paces, "We have never met, Sakurako-sama."
Seiko frowned at the intrigue and reluctantly smiled despite herself, this was a woman after her own heart. One who would speak only when she desired to, to share what she wished in her own time. Seiko nodded behind the woman's back in a gesture of respect and acquiesence. She would do this thing her way.
The woman led Seiko down the hill to a small cabin near the girl's dormitory. There she took to the steps of the wooden patio and with a steady pace, clicked her cane until they came to the tea room. She knelt without too much strain and slipped a hand between the wall and the shoji, sliding the paper door back easily, holding onto her sleeve with her free hand as was the tradition. She sat back on her heels and gestured for Seiko to enter, "Doozo."
Seiko nodded and padded onto the tatami, admiring the small tea room's sparseness with approval. The dark cherry wood table and it's soft pillows were inviting and she sat as the old woman closed the shoji shut and moved to the cabinet to fetch the tea items. A cheerful fire had already been set and the water had just come to a boil as the woman approached it.
Seiko sat quietly as she watched the woman prepare her tea. The woman's style was delicate and her hands were steady despite her advanced age. Posture straight, there was a way she held her chin, the way in which she grasped her sleeve that gave Seiko pause.
Unable to respect the silence any longer, Seiko spoke, "Your technique is so exact, it reminds me of another...where did you learn your tea ceremony?"
"From my mother."
Seiko studied the woman's features, she tried to pull back time from her eyes to imagine what a vital young woman this person must have once been. It was an exercise in futility, Seiko could not imagine her young.
The woman placed the cup before Seiko. Seiko lifted the cup and studied the tea inside. With studied ritual, she turned the cup just so before bringing it to her lips for the barest of tastes. She brought the cup to hover near her heart and nodded to indicate that the tea was indeed fresh and appreciated.
The old woman smiled and lifted her own cup, taking a sip and nodded in return.
The two women sat and drank tea in silence.
"It is nice for you to pretend for this old woman."
Seiko's gaze met that of the woman's.
"I am Kakashi Arashi, it is an honour and pleasure to meet you after all of these years." The woman bowed her head in formality.
Seiko nodded her head in return, "It is I who am honoured to have been remembered after... I can only guess how many years. Your tea ceremony is without flaw and your limbs are still remarkably graceful."
Arashi smiled and nodded again in thanks, "I am old, but I am not useless."
Seiko smiled at that.
Arashi raised the teapot to refill Seiko's cup, "I know who you are because you are the Akimichi widow who founded our little girl's school all those years ago. We were all excited at the idea of going to school. My mother said that the site of the school held such memories for her because it had once been a place she'd lived and worked. I remember sneaking out of my house the night before it opened and running through the streets like a wild child because I wanted to see this amazing place that would come to consume me. I loved learning and this building was a place where I would not have to worry about bullying boys teasing me. Girls only. I would have an actual school uniform..." She smiled in fond rememberance, "These small things brought such joy to my heart. I still think on them with great pleasure.
"And when I arrived at the building, I saw you. You stood in front of it for a long time. And then you began to walk around it as if to inspect it. At one point you even snuck into it. I was too scared to follow you, there was such an odd presence about you. I felt like I could feel your eyes looking into me, like you knew I was there. I didn't dare get close to you. I just watched you until the moon disappeared, and then I got scared and I raced home. Exhilarated. I didn't sleep at all that night and I prayed that I would get to meet you at the sunrise. I thought perhaps you were a teacher. If you were, I was certain you would be my favourite." She chuckles, "My imagination has always been great, even now. Some would say too great."
Seiko studied the woman's features and spoke softly, "I am sorry I disappointed you by not being there for you."
The woman waved a hand, "Not at all, those were the foolish estimations of a young girl whose head lived with the clouds. It is no fault of yours that I imagined things that did not exist. I was young and the disappointment was swiftly replaced by new mysteries."
Seiko nodded and sipped obligingly at her tea, "Then..how did you come to know..that name?"
Arashi nodded, "I was a good student but school did not keep me fully occupied. I was also a great snoop so I made a hobby out of learning of business that wasn't mine to know. I worked at the local temple where the records were kept. I would come by once a week and clean the shelves. I would also read through those things and I learned more than people would suspect.
"Those records were proof of life and death. They were proof of lives lived and transactions made. I found Akimichi Chouji's final papers. And I found that your name was added to the family listing at his request. It was obviously forged, but no one cared because you never took your wealth away from here. You put it into the town, into the new school. People thought you were old and weathered and soon after they thought you were dead and gone."
Seiko placed the cup gently on the table and nodded, "But you knew differently."
The old woman nodded, taking a long leasurely sip of tea.
A flare of irritation coloured Seiko's question, "How did you know this? How do you know what I am?"
Arashi finished savouring her tea, "I'm not sure of what sort of creature you are. He refers to you as Inari-seikun. He says you have the smile of a goddess. You are not a great beauty, but there is something about you that is pure. And despite...the aura of your presence, I trust that there is good as well as evil within you. If not, I'm sure I would not still be here speaking to you as I have been."
Seiko's head tilted to the side in confusion, "Who is 'he'?"
Arashi smiled, "You know of whom I speak. You just refuse to believe it."
"I find it hard to believe because the person whom I suspect you refer to died many years before your birth, I am certain of it."
"And are you certain that death is the end of one's journey, Sakurako-sama?"
Seiko was floored.
Arashi continued her story as if it were uninterrupted, "I graduated from this school and went to university. I then returned to teach here and eventually I came to be in charge. For fifty years my fate has been tied to these buildings. And to you. I knew you would return tonight. Just as I've always had the ability to know that there are other creatures in this world that exist as fully as we mere humans do. Some are good. Some are not. But they all function as they must. There is a harmony to existence if one is patient enough to study it carefully.
"I have always seen spirits. And I often spoke with Akimichi Chouji-san. He was so very fond of you that he would not rest. He told me many stories of you. Things that I suspect even you did not realize he would know about. For example, he knew about how fond of my mother you were. When she left the house, he could see your sadness but did not know how to abate it."
Seiko could not absorb the revelations. She raised a hand in protest, in confusion.
The woman nodded and turned her attention to brewing a fresh pot of tea, to allow Seiko the opportunity to think.
"Anata wa Michiru-san no-"
"Hai. Sou da."
Seiko studied the woman, the only similiarity she could match with the smiling, soft woman of her memories were her eyes. Arashi smiled, "You do not know this..but like my mother, we were beautiful young women. But once we became old..our beauty left us. It was as if we were given so many blessings early in our lives that we could not sustain them. Whereas my mother traded her beauty for a family and respectability, I squandered mine and have ended up here alone with only your children to keep me company."
Seiko frowned, "I do not have any children."
The woman's laughter was near cackling, "What do you call those girls sleeping away in their dormitories? What do you call me and mine? We are your children as surely as if you raised us. You took us in, you taught us the skills we would need to exist in life, you nurtured us until we were able to survive on our own. For our orphans you even provided a stipend if they turned their attention to the school...even if you did not do it by your own hand, your spirit has always ever been here. We are your children and your legacy."
Seiko could not find words. She was uncomfortable but within her heart, moved. Her eyes lowered and she offered her half-drained cup for more warmth. Arashi obliged, pouring the tea carefully before refilling her own cup, "He said you would not react well."
In irritation, Seiko snapped, "I am sick of hearing about this shade. Chouji is dead and gone. You truly do have a great imagination."
Arashi was unfazed, "He is gone now, yes. He came to me one Christmas, joyous and relaxed. He said he no longer needed to watch you and he faded from my view."
Seiko stood, "I would like to thank you for the tea. It was truly worthy of your mother's reputation. She would have been proud to have seen your grace-"
"What has always been your greatest wish, Seiko-san?"
Seiko frowned at the old woman's interruption and answered honestly, "I stopped wishing when I was very young, Arashi-dono."
"But you wished, didn't you?"
Seiko did not respond.
"I believe that one day yours will become reality. And once it is in your grasp again, you will die before you let it go. I am glad to have finally been able to share tea with you, it has been a wish of mine for over fifty years now."
Seiko's voice was quiet and stark, "I do not have any family, Arashi-dono."
"You do and you will."
Seiko felt exposed and she drew the night around herself to mask her presence. The old woman's gaze stayed fixed on her form none-the-less. Ever a gracious hostess as was her mother, Arashi rose to her feet and opened the shoji for the dark woman's departure. She spoke as Seiko passed by, "You have always been a mother, Seiko-san. Continue to protect those who cannot protect themselves and one night you will have that which you most desire."
Seiko thought to herself, I don't believe you.
Arashi answered aloud, "Yes, you do. You cannot hide from the truth, Seiko. And you cannot run forever. But if it makes you feel better..you can always run for a little while." The Crone began to cackle in amusement.
Seiko fled.
"Paradise (Not For Me)"
by Madonna
I can't remember
When I was young
I can't explain
If it was wrong
My life goes on
But not the same
Into your eyes
My face remains
(I've been so high)
I've been so down
(Up to the skies)
Down to the ground
I was so blind
I could not see
Your paradise
Is not for me
Autour de moi..........All around me
Je ne vois pas.........I could not see
Qui sont des anges.....Who are the angels
Surement pas moi.......Surely not me
Encore une fois........Once more again
Je suis cassee.........I am broken
Encore une fois........Once more again
Je n'y crois pas.......I don't believe it
[Chorus:]
I've been so high
I've been so down
Up to the skies
Down to the ground
There is a light
Above my head
Into your eyes
My face remains
[chorus]
I can't remember
When I was young
Into your eyes
My face remains
Into your eyes
My face remains
Spring is:
that which rejects Winter.