An open letter to the post-lobotomy patients on GM's board of directors
Dear morons,
I read today that part of your predictably idiotic restructuring plan includes cutting 21,000 more jobs and phasing out Pontiac. That will leave you with Chevrolet, GMC (the division that makes Chevrolet pickups with GMC grills), Buick, Cadillac, Hummer, and Saturn. Let's think about this.
Pontiac is the one division that sort of, slightly appeals to youthful car buyers. I've driven a Pontiac G6, and if I were in the market for a car, it would absolutely be my first pick. If you want to attract youthful buyers (that might turn into loyal, lifetime customers), your best bet would be to keep Pontiac around.
Chevrolet has been the bread and butter of GM for about a century, and it should remain so. Cadillac is an obvious keeper; they really are world-class luxury cars, and they have always been technologically ahead of the curve. Saturn is sort of in their own universe, and apparently there is room for Saturn in that universe. That leaves Hummer, GMC, and Buick.
Why have you decided to keep GMC? There isn't a single GMC model that isn't an exact copy of a Chevrolet model. Does it make sense to have two divisions that make the exact same vehicles? No.
It's hard to talk about Hummer with a straight face. You were dreaming up Hummer models at the same time as you were abandoning your early electric vehicle program. Fucking brilliant. Why anyone would want to drive a gas-guzzling vehicle that looks like a lunch box is beyond me. Hummers are the embodiment of everything that is wrong with GM. Yet, you decide to keep them? God damn you.
And lastly, you're keeping Buick. Buick - the cars for old people. You could make a contest based on finding someone driving a buick who was under 50 years old. Here's a news flash - the people who buy Buicks are GOING TO DIE SOON. In case you can't connect the dots, that means that in about ten years, NO ONE is going to drive Buicks. Isn't it logical to phase out Buick? A Buick is just a slightly less flashy Cadillac, anyway.
Pontiac isn't even on my top three list of divisions that GM should phase out. But what do I know; I'm only right about everything.
I read today that part of your predictably idiotic restructuring plan includes cutting 21,000 more jobs and phasing out Pontiac. That will leave you with Chevrolet, GMC (the division that makes Chevrolet pickups with GMC grills), Buick, Cadillac, Hummer, and Saturn. Let's think about this.
Pontiac is the one division that sort of, slightly appeals to youthful car buyers. I've driven a Pontiac G6, and if I were in the market for a car, it would absolutely be my first pick. If you want to attract youthful buyers (that might turn into loyal, lifetime customers), your best bet would be to keep Pontiac around.
Chevrolet has been the bread and butter of GM for about a century, and it should remain so. Cadillac is an obvious keeper; they really are world-class luxury cars, and they have always been technologically ahead of the curve. Saturn is sort of in their own universe, and apparently there is room for Saturn in that universe. That leaves Hummer, GMC, and Buick.
Why have you decided to keep GMC? There isn't a single GMC model that isn't an exact copy of a Chevrolet model. Does it make sense to have two divisions that make the exact same vehicles? No.
It's hard to talk about Hummer with a straight face. You were dreaming up Hummer models at the same time as you were abandoning your early electric vehicle program. Fucking brilliant. Why anyone would want to drive a gas-guzzling vehicle that looks like a lunch box is beyond me. Hummers are the embodiment of everything that is wrong with GM. Yet, you decide to keep them? God damn you.
And lastly, you're keeping Buick. Buick - the cars for old people. You could make a contest based on finding someone driving a buick who was under 50 years old. Here's a news flash - the people who buy Buicks are GOING TO DIE SOON. In case you can't connect the dots, that means that in about ten years, NO ONE is going to drive Buicks. Isn't it logical to phase out Buick? A Buick is just a slightly less flashy Cadillac, anyway.
Pontiac isn't even on my top three list of divisions that GM should phase out. But what do I know; I'm only right about everything.