(no subject)
alright.. I don't know what to do w/ life anymore. I wish i could have figured out this whole collage thing a long time ago..but now im just behind the game. I want to go to ISB, its an international beauty school in portland. I want to take classes there to become an esthition, and also hair design and what not However im sure its to late to enroll and I don't want to enroll in the middle of the year. plus living is gonna be difficult when I can't pay for school and living. I was gonna attend cocc in the fall. But i don't really know if thats a good idea, im thinkin it may be a waste of time and money. Not only that but I had low test scores, ànd I would have to take classes that don't even count as a credit for collage, I would basically just be taking them to catch up to everyone else.Pretty pointless and when i found that out the other day it made me feel like compleate shit and worthless. So I would be taking classes for nuthing and wasting money that i don't have. (yes I know, I have never been good in school, so don't judge me for not learning as fast or in the same ways as everyone else) I have stressed about this for a long time, and its a very sore subject. Escically when one of the only person that supported me dosent talk to me any more, but yet they probably teched me more then i have ever learned in school, and had the biggest impact on me, and i had to deal w/ the fact they werent there for me anymore. Its stressful, I guess somewhere inbetween the end of jnr year and the beging of senior year I lost faith in myself, I started comparing my friends and other students to myself. The classes they where taking comparpared to myself, and i guess I gave up on myself thinking there was no way a univesity would except a student that wasnt average in the learning skills as everyone else my age. for exp I took classes such as geomentry as a jnr instead of a class above trig. I never have been good w/ the idea of rejection actully its probbaly my biggest fear...so i distance myself, sounded easy. No thanks to my high school consoular, who didnt help me what so ever take classes to at least try and be prepared. I figured out thats why i have been so down latley. Seeing every body go off and do what I always wish i would do ever since I was a little girl. I see my friends go off and doing there own thing. Other people i care for ALOT leaving and the fact that I may never see them or talk to them again. The fact that all my friends now have there own life, a life which im not in. I wish i could have figured this whole thing ago along time ago. back when I was more concered about who was dating who, what to do w/ my hair in the mornings. Im staring to learn theres more to life then big boobs and a pretty face. I just got to figure out if i should go to cocc, take a year off to work so i can afford isb, or if i should go to phagans which i herd isnt a good school, and i want to spend money on somthing rewarding then not. if u have any sugesstions let me know. sorry about spelling i know it sucks, but what can I do never been good at this whole smart thing. always been better w/ hair and face stuff and such then school so i figured why not do somthing I can do/enjoy doing.