New fic: "Faith" (XMFC, AU, Charles/Erik, NC17)

[yahtzee63]

I do not normally wander off into radical AU series, but there's a first time for everything, I guess. The third installment of the "Father Charles" series is up now, complete: "Faith."

This entry was originally posted at http://yahtzee.dreamwidth.org/326744.html. Please comment there using OpenID.

Comments

[reader_02]

I read over at AO3, but wanted to leave my comment here.

Your series was bitter to read. Beautiful, but bitter.

I love someone in the church whose choices were, in many ways, already made. I left the church before they could try to remove me. I lost two of things most precious to me and since then, have essentially been drifting, searching for something. I have no doubt that I have become less generous, I can't bring myself to read any holy texts.

Time passes and I'm sure this will pass too. I hate the fact that my memories of us have already warped into something that-- was it ever really that way? Were we ever that intimate? The last time we saw each other, I watched them walk away with dull finality. I am literally on the opposite end of the world now-- 12 hour difference between New York and Shanghai.

Overdramatic. But I wanted to take my bitterness out on you because as surely as God knows my every thought and selfish motivation, I don't want God to understand every human suffering. A God who understands that, and still loves, still forgives, is one I don't want to face.

Because your series made me understand: God is not punishing me. Never was.

I'm punishing myself. And I can't seem to stop.

[yahtzee63]

Your personal experience has been much closer to the reality of what Charles and Erik faced in this series than mine has been. So knowing this had resonance for you is very humbling to hear. But I am glad the stories helped you understand that God isn't punishing you. I hope someday you aren't punishing yourself, either. Nobody should be punished for love.