SOME emo kids are okay. Others are not..like the following;
Haha. Read this if you might find poking fun at emo kids amusing. If you ARE an emo kid and wouldn't find this funny..read it anyways:
The basics of emo style: because without it… you just aren’t emo.
Step 1: Never smile, ever. Think about when Bambi’s mother died or when Simba’s dad died, constantly. You are sad, the world sucks, your girlfriend/boyfriend/both just broke up with you and you can’t wake up every morning without thinking about slitting your wrists. As a result, you are always on the verge of breaking into tears… or writing some heartfelt lyrics into your journal. But we’ll get to the journal later.
Step 2: Your hairstyle. You have a few options here. You can either spike it out, but that might be to angst filled and might be borderline original, or you can claim to cut it back yourself while going to a salon. Women’s styles on men are also a plus. The most popular style is the “I just woke up after crying myself to sleep last night” hairstyle. But you will spend in excess of 15 minutes a day trying to get the look of rolling out of bed in front of a mirror. Another popular style is borrowing something from the Cure. Just comb it in front of your eyes. The world is too painful of a place to see anyway.
Step 3: When talking to someone always try to make a reference to an emo band’s song. If you don’t do this at least 3 times in a conversation you aren’t emo enough.
Example:
Me: What’s up dude?
You: I don’t know, I feel so… sad. I could barely wake up this morning, sometimes I wonder if I should slit my wrists. Would anyone miss me?
Me: Wow, life sucks.
You: [random song lyric that has absolutely nothing to do with the conversation at the moment]
Me: ...uh, ok?
See, not hard at all.
Step 4: Your journal. Carry it around with you everywhere to write lyrics when the inspiration of how much life sucks hits you. You don’t actually need talent. You just need to have one. But if you are ambitious and decide to write poetry or music there are a few basic rules you have to follow. First, make sure you ignore any rules of diction, tone, pattern, and style. Next make sure you limit yourself to writing about only three things: how dark the world is, how heart broken you are, and a combination of both.
You want an example?
The dark Sun burns my eyes/
Every time I look at her/
My heart sinks/
My life aches/
Why was a I born/
In/
A/
World/
Without/
Her?/
Sad/
Clown/
See, it makes no sense, but it doesn’t have to. That is the beauty of it. Other people aren’t artistic enough to get it.
Step 5: Form a “band”. None of you need to actually know how to play a note, or be able to sing anything. Ability is for conformists. Your band will require a nifty name like “fecal song waves of cows”. Or if you want to be really clever borrow something out of a campy science fiction movie. Never, under any circumstances, use capital letters in your group name. You are so heart broken with the world that you refuse to use capital letters, those are for people who form social norms. Once you have developed your band name you have to constantly talk about upcoming band gigs. Plaster places with flyers for these gigs. The flyers also have to look a certain way. If your band is somehow headlining you should make sure that you all look as sad as possible… and that lines are drawn through your eyes, or something. It is just more emo that way.
Step 6: Always talk down about other types of music. Who cares if you wore a hole through your Linkin Park CD, they suck now. Studio time is for sell outs. You love vinyl. If it isn’t the current pop-emo band that everyone loves, it sucks. You don’t need any good argument about why either. You have the Godzilla of all responses, “All that music is pre-fabricated.”
Step 7: Claim to be vegan. You feel the pain of animals; therefore you refuse to eat the poor things.
Step 8: Get a digital camera. Next take random photos of yourself and everything around you… in black and white. Make sure that only parts of you are visible. That is how artistic people take photographs. You can also drop names of real photographers who are your “influence”.
There you have it. Follow these easy steps and you are well on your way to being a part of the rising emo trend.
The end result should be something like this:
It should be noted that eventually you will get to the point where you are too emo to be emo, at that point you can say that you never were emo. If the hardcore or straight-edge (or sXe) kids make fun of you just Haha, wow.