Moving Closer (Ten/Martha)
The Doctor hated it when Donna visited home.
Not because he could picture her curled up on the couch, bickering with her mother instead of him, while he stayed in the TARDIS, so hugely empty that it literally never ended…no. Because when she left, he felt as alone as when Martha had walked out. Mind, he never talked out loud to the emptiness ( Read more... )
However, I had to look up "doona" - which I confess I initially misread as "Donna" ! - so I shall Brit-pick you to tell you it's called a "duvet" over here (English is a language (in)famous for borrowing words from other languages - we do it without shame or prejudice...) There were also a couple of places where I was slightly jarred by something you wrote, but that's a more personal thing...
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Would you mind telling me what jarred you, for it isn't too close to home?
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Anyway, I'm going to list your typos first, then the stylistic suggestions.
Typos:
The Doctor only caught heard the last phrase because of his rather exemplary hearing
either "caught" or "heard", not both.
The edges of the waitresses pale
waitress's
Martha clutched the phone so hard her joins began to ache
joints
the culture excuse usually got humans to back off
cultural
Martha realised that his presence in her mind and reeled back
was in her mind
Accidentally rousing a memory of the Jundoon
Judoon
Stylistic suggestions:
Her eyes stung red and her hands trembled around a crumbled tissue.
"stung" is an odd way of phrasing it - "were" works perfectly fine.
See, this is why the Doctor enjoying having Martha as a Companion
The "see" jars me. I would have written "This was why the Doctor enjoyed" (you definitely need "enjoyed" not "enjoying" there...)
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The caught/heard error is because my bloody backspace key sometimes refuses to delete things I highlight. Now I'm going to have to check through my essays to make sure it hasn't happened there too! =/
Hahaha. I spent a lot of time making sure I spelt Sontaran right and then fell down on Judoon! Hee.
Thank you for the time you put into this. Much appreciated.
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