Sadness Doesn't Grow. It only Breaks You Down.
As I realize this is the truth, I realize an even greater, yet more depressing truth. I can't stop it. No matter how much I try. I just keep trudging along in this muck I call my life.
All the complaints I have made in the past, they add up to nothing.
Most everything I've done has led me right back to the beginning and each time it happens it's scarier and scarier...
It's to the point now where I'm almost shying away from reality.
I've come to be selfish, but how else am I supposed to be?
When I'm forced to let go of almost everyone and everthing I've ever had or cared about. When it's just you and I and you do for yourself? How am I really expected to feed into that?
I must apologize to the friends I've lost along the way...and to those who I am slowly but surely losing as I speak.
I'm sorry to have ever gotten you into my world, because as it seems from the beginning it was never meant to be.
It's been years in the making, my breaking down.
And here it comes to an end....or so I'd like to think.
Only you can't start over with the old in your hands.
You can't start over if you hold on to the past.
You can if the other half is willing to make this effort...which in my case, there's not a chance in the world.
I'm beginning to wonder if maybe there's a reason for this. Things happen for a reason...and for me, maybe this is it.
Maybe there's a reason as to why my world has been whitewashed. Now the paint is slowly chipping away to reveal my fence's original state.
I put it up ragged and beat up...falling apart at every seam. Covered it up to make it look mended and new. But it's getting weathered now and it's just going back to how it was before.
But maybe it's not a bad thing.
Perhaps I'll see something that my eyes just didn't have the ability to handle years ago.
I dunno.
All the complaints I have made in the past, they add up to nothing.
Most everything I've done has led me right back to the beginning and each time it happens it's scarier and scarier...
It's to the point now where I'm almost shying away from reality.
I've come to be selfish, but how else am I supposed to be?
When I'm forced to let go of almost everyone and everthing I've ever had or cared about. When it's just you and I and you do for yourself? How am I really expected to feed into that?
I must apologize to the friends I've lost along the way...and to those who I am slowly but surely losing as I speak.
I'm sorry to have ever gotten you into my world, because as it seems from the beginning it was never meant to be.
It's been years in the making, my breaking down.
And here it comes to an end....or so I'd like to think.
Only you can't start over with the old in your hands.
You can't start over if you hold on to the past.
You can if the other half is willing to make this effort...which in my case, there's not a chance in the world.
I'm beginning to wonder if maybe there's a reason for this. Things happen for a reason...and for me, maybe this is it.
Maybe there's a reason as to why my world has been whitewashed. Now the paint is slowly chipping away to reveal my fence's original state.
I put it up ragged and beat up...falling apart at every seam. Covered it up to make it look mended and new. But it's getting weathered now and it's just going back to how it was before.
But maybe it's not a bad thing.
Perhaps I'll see something that my eyes just didn't have the ability to handle years ago.
I dunno.