god damn me
If anyone disagress with me with what i'm about to say, then fine, whatever! It's all my fault! I wasn't sensitive enough. I couldn't keep my god damned fucking mouth shut! I didn't believe what she told me and i was stupid enough to liten to someone else's lie!! DAMN THEM TOO!! Grrr....!! I'm so pissed off at myself! She said many things to me the last time i spoke to her, she said i was horrible, a bastard, a sucky friend and a snake!! And ya kno what? SHE'S RIGHT!!! She was once afraid of screwing things up, but it wasn't her that should've been afraid, it was me. Yes, i should've known it was gonna be me. This always happens to me, i have something wonderful happen to me and then i go and FUCK EVERYTHING UP!! She was right to break up with me, i hurt her and altho i never meant to, i did anyways. And now i'm paying for it. It feels as my very soul is being torn apart. I wanted to be her miracle, her knight or whatnot, but i wasn't even strong enough to keep a promise. I wish i could turn back time and prevent myself from being such an asshole! But i can't and now i must suffer for my mistakes. The pain in my heart and mind are great, but that's ok, i deserve this for my idioticy. I'm not kidding myself, i kno i love her and i will forever, i'll never forget her, NOT EVER!! God, if anything happens to her, i'll...i dunno, ii'll lose it, possibly even kill myself...i dunno what i'd do. She's the most important thing to me in my life and i went and pushed her away. Why was i such a stupid fucker!? I suppose i'm only human someone would say, but i'm a poor excuse for one. I pray she's alright and safe...it's all i can do now. I cry for her, for what happened to her and becuz i didn't believe her.
I love her and always will, even beyond my death...
I love her and always will, even beyond my death...