well, you needn't.
http://jound.com/okkervil/mp3s/ladyliberty.mp3
OKKERVIL RIVER - LADY LIBERTY
You can wash out your lying eyes
in that bathroom down the hall.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.
Guess I didn’t know you at all.
But I can picture you inside some stranger’s house,
inside some stranger’s bed -
you’re trying to seem mysterious,
the covers pulled over your head.
It’s all right,
lady liberty,
it’s just too bad you couldn’t do the same for me.
You say you’ve been used, you’ve been betrayed.
Yeah, and that old bed’s been newly made.
So just stick around awhile with me
until you’re strong enough to leave.
Cause I can picture you the first time
you decide to spend the night -
you wonder if you should give me a call
and ask me if it’s all right.
Yeah, it’s all right,
lady liberty,
it’s just too bad you couldn’t do the same for me.
Don’t call me
or send me
any more letters, baby.
I just can’t stand
to see your hand
writing things that you don’t mean.
I waited,
our faded
love growing even more faded.
The shades were down,
I faced the wall,
and I could hear you breathing.
I tried to bring us back to life.
I gave my heart so many times.
And was it worth it after all?
There is a bathroom down the hall.
this is precisely how i feel about my ex miss megan lambert. the best things i do are good because i do them as a matter of life and death. that's why any music show i do or song i record is successful or not. (like the cell block show last week...i just told myself if i dont give myself to this fully i am going to die...of course i was so into it it wouldnt have mattered...and even though i felt like vomiting i laid down and stopped myself....im losing edge...) when i love it's pure and i am certain of the truth in it and i am willing to be utterly submissive to it. i realize now that's not something most people can take seriously. the main problem i see in the relationship was that i was completely committed and megan never was....that's why she had so many crushes and boys and girls outside of and during the relationship. and my personal commitment and the fact that i felt my love was something to live or die by was what fucked me up. she is just too fickle with people and her friends in general i think; going from hating to loving them within the space of a week. i cannot exist within that context, and am not going to. I LIKE EVERYONE and have no grudges against anybody. also i think i preferred the crazy initial bipolar exciting scared and abusive megan that i could help to the elevated medicated emotion-killed megan that could not even really simply work as a friend to me....it was holistically a pretty shitty relationship but at least i've learned from it. i know i'll onward be a lot more selective. as far as the past relationship goes, there is nothing left that i can do in it. i never stopped trying and i made my apologies in an 18 page letter that's never gonna get a reply, and ultimately means nothing, but finally because of it i am free...
and i wrote a 15 minute long four note piano song about it, with every conceivable melody and style sung over the top, and pennies bobbing up and down on the keys, and rain.
(also i don't think anyone should pick sides of this, as in which one of us to hate. no one is going to fully understand it except the people involved, so essentially your opinion thusly is void. and hate never does anything good. why would someone hate me for this, because i'm not guilty enough? just assume that i was and that's why it took 18 pages to rectify it.)
----
i also really believe in the importance of what i am doing now, musically. the difference enngine is now myself, kevin, and sean. we have introduced the use of more minimalism, piano, screwdriver, and three-part vocal harmonies. the recombination seems like it will bring new life to the band. and most like we will be going on tour late this summer going west for a week or two, which is wonderful as a guranteed life-changing experience. imagine having the one thing you are really good at and love to do (if you have one, i guess that can be rare), but that usually has to take a secondary role in your life, becoming the entire focus and reason for your life for a week. it will be a new world and i probably won't ever want to come back. but trust me i'll keep doing the college thing so i have something to fall back on, but i feel so much better knowing there are people who want to do this with me.
-----
and a note/expanation to any hattiesburg people, that i've been meaning to get out of the way....due to various emotional and mental situations and the fact that living at school had successfully turned me into a character from a dosteovsky novel (locked up naked in my room scared to go outside etc.) my parents prompted me to withdraw. it wasn't something i was happy with or wanted to do but i saw it could ultimately be for the best and that hattiesburg, USM, and the small town atmosphere (with it's dearth of music venues or outlets) were really not right for me. i was given about a week notice by my parents about withdrawing, and i had lots of trouble and stress just kind of reconciling myself to that fact, plus doing all the packing and academic ordering i needed to do to get out. i meant several times to tell my friends but i couldnt get up the heart to do it. still in the depths of stress and cocooning everything i thought about. and then i was gonna try to meet up with and tell everybody last weekend when my band went there but our show got cancelled due to various 'circumstances'.
so sorry everybody! i don't know when i'll be coming back again but hopefully i will someday...
but thankfully this has given me an opportunity to take driving lessons (eventually getting my license), apply for jobs to pay for gas and life and school next year, go to counseling, and know where i'm gonna go to school next year (SOUTH ALABAMA)
HAHAHAAH based on this post it seems like this past year has just been full of failures but i don't feel that way at all. i feel independent and young and alive, and more mature than i was, though i can definetly see that this is not the most mature i'm gonna get. i have learned more. & i have taken a new approach to any of my problems though. my focus is no longer on "what's wrong with me?" and more on "how can i make myself work?" i accept myself! i don't need anyone else's validation or approval, though that helps.
-----
i have also been doing alot more ALBACORE RECORDS stuff in my spare time. things lately that i have edited/mixed etc which oughta be released are:
-The Dictionaries farewell show - jon's last show before he moved outta daphne. maybe 8-9 songs totally, 5 originals, and 2 inclusions in this completely incredible head-world-painting musical concept album he's doing about an alcoholic lovelorn werewolf. it's like a nice demo/sampler. i still have to get it to jon himself
-New Orleans Tapes - found sound walkman recordings done in april 2003 of my junior year class field trip. random people are asked to sing, or are unknowingly recorded snoring or leaving phone messages, i do slide blues on a hotel balcony, sean and i do acapella improv on the streets of new orleans, a solo saxophone wails as a building is torn down beside it and the constructon machines beep beep out the rhythm.
-difference engine - our last practice, first as a three piece. weird. some good new stuff. i have a thousand shows by us too. these probably wont get widespread distribution but theyre neat, all the people involved will get them if anyone does.
and I have been recording a lot of solo stuff, seeing as how i'm home alone most of every day with guitars, a piano, electronic noise makers, a trombone, a lot of half-broken recording equipment, and a desire in my soul to sing opera and bebop.
DOES ANYBODY KNOW MAYBE A WEBHOSTING SPACE? i want to put up maybe a song or two of my music as i discover it from the past or work on it, each week, so all the LJ people can download it, and i just need like one of those plain white html with blue links pages to do that. so make recommendations if you can. i don't want any blanket pages like myspace or purevolume though, cause tis will eventually go on the albacore recs website, and cause it will be by lots of different bands that i've recorded.
HAHA why do i always feel it so necessary to explain myself?...
but why not?
at least it keeps my writing skills in use.
OKKERVIL RIVER - LADY LIBERTY
You can wash out your lying eyes
in that bathroom down the hall.
I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.
Guess I didn’t know you at all.
But I can picture you inside some stranger’s house,
inside some stranger’s bed -
you’re trying to seem mysterious,
the covers pulled over your head.
It’s all right,
lady liberty,
it’s just too bad you couldn’t do the same for me.
You say you’ve been used, you’ve been betrayed.
Yeah, and that old bed’s been newly made.
So just stick around awhile with me
until you’re strong enough to leave.
Cause I can picture you the first time
you decide to spend the night -
you wonder if you should give me a call
and ask me if it’s all right.
Yeah, it’s all right,
lady liberty,
it’s just too bad you couldn’t do the same for me.
Don’t call me
or send me
any more letters, baby.
I just can’t stand
to see your hand
writing things that you don’t mean.
I waited,
our faded
love growing even more faded.
The shades were down,
I faced the wall,
and I could hear you breathing.
I tried to bring us back to life.
I gave my heart so many times.
And was it worth it after all?
There is a bathroom down the hall.
this is precisely how i feel about my ex miss megan lambert. the best things i do are good because i do them as a matter of life and death. that's why any music show i do or song i record is successful or not. (like the cell block show last week...i just told myself if i dont give myself to this fully i am going to die...of course i was so into it it wouldnt have mattered...and even though i felt like vomiting i laid down and stopped myself....im losing edge...) when i love it's pure and i am certain of the truth in it and i am willing to be utterly submissive to it. i realize now that's not something most people can take seriously. the main problem i see in the relationship was that i was completely committed and megan never was....that's why she had so many crushes and boys and girls outside of and during the relationship. and my personal commitment and the fact that i felt my love was something to live or die by was what fucked me up. she is just too fickle with people and her friends in general i think; going from hating to loving them within the space of a week. i cannot exist within that context, and am not going to. I LIKE EVERYONE and have no grudges against anybody. also i think i preferred the crazy initial bipolar exciting scared and abusive megan that i could help to the elevated medicated emotion-killed megan that could not even really simply work as a friend to me....it was holistically a pretty shitty relationship but at least i've learned from it. i know i'll onward be a lot more selective. as far as the past relationship goes, there is nothing left that i can do in it. i never stopped trying and i made my apologies in an 18 page letter that's never gonna get a reply, and ultimately means nothing, but finally because of it i am free...
and i wrote a 15 minute long four note piano song about it, with every conceivable melody and style sung over the top, and pennies bobbing up and down on the keys, and rain.
(also i don't think anyone should pick sides of this, as in which one of us to hate. no one is going to fully understand it except the people involved, so essentially your opinion thusly is void. and hate never does anything good. why would someone hate me for this, because i'm not guilty enough? just assume that i was and that's why it took 18 pages to rectify it.)
----
i also really believe in the importance of what i am doing now, musically. the difference enngine is now myself, kevin, and sean. we have introduced the use of more minimalism, piano, screwdriver, and three-part vocal harmonies. the recombination seems like it will bring new life to the band. and most like we will be going on tour late this summer going west for a week or two, which is wonderful as a guranteed life-changing experience. imagine having the one thing you are really good at and love to do (if you have one, i guess that can be rare), but that usually has to take a secondary role in your life, becoming the entire focus and reason for your life for a week. it will be a new world and i probably won't ever want to come back. but trust me i'll keep doing the college thing so i have something to fall back on, but i feel so much better knowing there are people who want to do this with me.
-----
and a note/expanation to any hattiesburg people, that i've been meaning to get out of the way....due to various emotional and mental situations and the fact that living at school had successfully turned me into a character from a dosteovsky novel (locked up naked in my room scared to go outside etc.) my parents prompted me to withdraw. it wasn't something i was happy with or wanted to do but i saw it could ultimately be for the best and that hattiesburg, USM, and the small town atmosphere (with it's dearth of music venues or outlets) were really not right for me. i was given about a week notice by my parents about withdrawing, and i had lots of trouble and stress just kind of reconciling myself to that fact, plus doing all the packing and academic ordering i needed to do to get out. i meant several times to tell my friends but i couldnt get up the heart to do it. still in the depths of stress and cocooning everything i thought about. and then i was gonna try to meet up with and tell everybody last weekend when my band went there but our show got cancelled due to various 'circumstances'.
so sorry everybody! i don't know when i'll be coming back again but hopefully i will someday...
but thankfully this has given me an opportunity to take driving lessons (eventually getting my license), apply for jobs to pay for gas and life and school next year, go to counseling, and know where i'm gonna go to school next year (SOUTH ALABAMA)
HAHAHAAH based on this post it seems like this past year has just been full of failures but i don't feel that way at all. i feel independent and young and alive, and more mature than i was, though i can definetly see that this is not the most mature i'm gonna get. i have learned more. & i have taken a new approach to any of my problems though. my focus is no longer on "what's wrong with me?" and more on "how can i make myself work?" i accept myself! i don't need anyone else's validation or approval, though that helps.
-----
i have also been doing alot more ALBACORE RECORDS stuff in my spare time. things lately that i have edited/mixed etc which oughta be released are:
-The Dictionaries farewell show - jon's last show before he moved outta daphne. maybe 8-9 songs totally, 5 originals, and 2 inclusions in this completely incredible head-world-painting musical concept album he's doing about an alcoholic lovelorn werewolf. it's like a nice demo/sampler. i still have to get it to jon himself
-New Orleans Tapes - found sound walkman recordings done in april 2003 of my junior year class field trip. random people are asked to sing, or are unknowingly recorded snoring or leaving phone messages, i do slide blues on a hotel balcony, sean and i do acapella improv on the streets of new orleans, a solo saxophone wails as a building is torn down beside it and the constructon machines beep beep out the rhythm.
-difference engine - our last practice, first as a three piece. weird. some good new stuff. i have a thousand shows by us too. these probably wont get widespread distribution but theyre neat, all the people involved will get them if anyone does.
and I have been recording a lot of solo stuff, seeing as how i'm home alone most of every day with guitars, a piano, electronic noise makers, a trombone, a lot of half-broken recording equipment, and a desire in my soul to sing opera and bebop.
DOES ANYBODY KNOW MAYBE A WEBHOSTING SPACE? i want to put up maybe a song or two of my music as i discover it from the past or work on it, each week, so all the LJ people can download it, and i just need like one of those plain white html with blue links pages to do that. so make recommendations if you can. i don't want any blanket pages like myspace or purevolume though, cause tis will eventually go on the albacore recs website, and cause it will be by lots of different bands that i've recorded.
HAHA why do i always feel it so necessary to explain myself?...
but why not?
at least it keeps my writing skills in use.