My Green Henry never dies

[evilst]

The scream tore through the unnaturally silent air of the forest like a chainsaw through steel, and not for the first time, Topher found himself thinking, Why is it every woman in my life wants me dead? as he faced down a very angry Nico Minoru and her staff.

((Tag: Nico, Kristoff, Topher, and Lila))

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[kristoffv]

Kristoff had awoken in the forest as usual, only it was not like any forest in Latveria. And the sky had changed. After sitting and thinking through his options Kristoff set out to find anything to sustain him, and to explain what had happened. When he heard the scream he ran in its direction. He could have glided over the ground but he wanted to conserve the energy of his metallic suit (which resembled Doom's) as much as possible. It had been sometime since he had been able to recharge it.

He stopped in front of the two teenagers, uncertain who was in need of saving.

[evilst]

Topher caught sight of Kristoff before Nico did. “Hey! Hey! Help! Evil bitch with a magic wand is trying to kill me.”

“You tried to kill me first!” Nico retorted, trying to think of a spell she could use to summon up a big dose of sunshine.

“You can’t prove that!”

[kristoffv]

Kristoff folded his arms. "If you two are only going to bicker then I shall leave you." Kristoff did not have time to deal with these fools.

[runawaywitch]

“Well isn’t he just a ray of sunshine,” Topher said, leaning against one of the branches and smirking down at Kristoff… just as a red haired girl dashed between the Latverian boy and Nico, climbing right up the tree.

Nico managed a startled curse before she started gagging on the stench of rotting meat. “What the hell?”

[kristoffv]

Kristoff blinked at stared up at the girl in the tree, then back to the direction she ran from. He had no experience with zombies but he recognized the smell of a rotting corpse, and judging by the moving limbs amongst the trees, he was about to get some experience.

"Get behind me."

This was a job for Doom.

[runawaywitch]

“Oh God,” Nico moaned softly, swinging the Staff of One around to point at the zombie, “we’re trapped in a bad horror movie.”

“You’re even wearing heels,” Topher said, not the least bit helpful.

“Please be being quiet now,” the red haired girl said, climbing higher in the tree, until she reached a branch that would not support her weight, and went plummeting back to the ground.

[kristoffv]

"Are you all right?" Kristoff asked, glancing from the girl to the zombies. One inched too close and Kristoff punched its head off before it could so much as drool on him. It helped that its neck had almost completely rotted off.

[ya_rpg_npc]

"No, fool." the redhead snarled. She paused and inspected the now-headless zombie. "...I will copulate with you if you destroy the dead things."

[kristoffv]

"WHAT?!" Kristoff nearly choked. "I don't- you're only- NO!" Ugh, he didn't even know this girl. "I've hardly even met you!" He paused and looked at the girl. "Did you hit your head when you fell?" He didn't want to brush off the girl when she could have head trauma and be in need of medical assistance... which she probably wouldn't be able to get any time soon.

[ya_rpg_npc]

"No." the girl said, crossing her arms and looking annoyed. "I simply do not like the...zombies." She shuddered delicately. "And I have nothing to offer the vampire or the girl."

[kristoffv]

"Vampire?" He looked at Topher, and the boy's pale complexion made more sense. "What IS this place?" Perhaps he was having a very, very realistic dream, with bizarre zombies and women offering to have sex with him.

Though really, he thought his subconscious would at least pick an older Cassandra Lang from his memory to serve as the romantic interest.

[evilst]

“Okay,” Topher said, still safely perched in the tree, “it is NEVER a good thing when I’m one of the least freaky people around. And who the hell says ‘copulate’, anyway? What are you, an alien?”

He was perfectly fine with ignoring the zombies. They didn’t look very fast, or able to climb trees, and he wasn’t exactly of the living, so he doubted they would find him very appetizing.

Nico, on the other hand, found the zombies to be highly creepy and did not much care for the undead in any way shape or form, and was actually rather busy turning the ones closest to her into piles of dust. “Y’know, that’s the best question I’ve heard since I woke up. Topher!”

“I’m as clueless as you here, toots!”

[ya_rpg_npc]

"My mother's older half brother gains power when he kills someone." the redhead said, moving to put Kristoff between herself and the zombies. "He prefers younger people because they have more potential, the same reason that virgin sacrifices were popular. He also prefers people who have some power." she pouted and blinked her eyes at Kristoff. "You won't let him get me, will you?"

She ignored the vampire. He was unimportant.

[kristoffv]

This was incredibly awkward. "I," Kristoff paused. "Will protect you... but I will not have sex with you." At least not until we are both older and you get less creepy.

[ya_rpg_npc]

"I only offered the copulation as an incentive." the redhead replied. "Had I known that you were a man of honor I wouldn't have offered." She fluttered her eyelashes again, as that seemed to produce the desired response. She'd have to report back to her sisters that the offer of copulation wasn't as foolproof as they had thought.

[kristoffv]

Kristoff's face flushed red. He may have been implanted with the memories and personality of Doom, but when it came down to it, he was a teenage boy and somewhere he recognized that he was interacting with an attractive girl his age.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, we should uh, try and get out of here."