(no subject)
i wish she was normal. an actual 'role model' for me. isn't that what older siblings are supposed to be?
but when your socalled role model is drunk over 3/4 of the time, you feel like killing someone. atleast i do. i feel like crying every time she's drunk. because when she's drunk, she's annoying. she's fake. she's not herself. and i want her to be her. not the alcohol. not the jack.
i think alcohol has become one of my least favorite things in the universe.
it's sad to see her sober, lively, smart, loving, and real one minute, and then drunk, fucking almost bi-polar, stupid, annoying, and fake the next. i want her to be the person i always knew. she's pretty much known for being so fucking caring. well, when you live with her, and see her drunk so much, you change that opinion. goddamn, it's harsh. she's a sister when she's sober. she talks to me about things, she listens, she listens. and i love it. when the alcohol gets in control... nope. none of that. she'll rant and rave about anything and everything. but she won't listen to what you have to say. and if she does, all that comes out is the alcohol.
because of the alcohol she has lost friends, cash [lots of it], family trust, and her dog. maybe that doesn't seem like a lot. but when you have a younger sister that wants so much to have someone that she can talk to all the time, but can't, it means a lot to that person that's being rejected. i feel rejected and denied from my sister.
it's affecting her. and she doesn't seem to give a damn because it's a daily fucking thing.
things have never been so swell, i have never felt this well.
but when your socalled role model is drunk over 3/4 of the time, you feel like killing someone. atleast i do. i feel like crying every time she's drunk. because when she's drunk, she's annoying. she's fake. she's not herself. and i want her to be her. not the alcohol. not the jack.
i think alcohol has become one of my least favorite things in the universe.
it's sad to see her sober, lively, smart, loving, and real one minute, and then drunk, fucking almost bi-polar, stupid, annoying, and fake the next. i want her to be the person i always knew. she's pretty much known for being so fucking caring. well, when you live with her, and see her drunk so much, you change that opinion. goddamn, it's harsh. she's a sister when she's sober. she talks to me about things, she listens, she listens. and i love it. when the alcohol gets in control... nope. none of that. she'll rant and rave about anything and everything. but she won't listen to what you have to say. and if she does, all that comes out is the alcohol.
because of the alcohol she has lost friends, cash [lots of it], family trust, and her dog. maybe that doesn't seem like a lot. but when you have a younger sister that wants so much to have someone that she can talk to all the time, but can't, it means a lot to that person that's being rejected. i feel rejected and denied from my sister.
it's affecting her. and she doesn't seem to give a damn because it's a daily fucking thing.
things have never been so swell, i have never felt this well.