emotional purging
i really don't know if i'm more angry at them or at myself? and angry isn't even the proper word to encapsulate every single emotion running through my veins right now...
It's like a jumbled up chaos inside my heart right now. I feel so betrayed YET there is that tinge of empathy i have for them YET i am so bloody pissed and disappointed do you get my pain..... I just don't get all this bullshit going on like seriously. No wonder they always say the worst heartaches comes from those you least expected from.... because this feels like a freaking hurricane building up inside.
I just want to scream my frustration in their faces for making me so freaking unwanted and unappreciated because i have always given my 110% to our friendship and i like to believe they feel like same because obviously we've been through so much. BUT I DON'T FREAKING KNOW ANYMORE because saying 'I care' is one thing but showing is another.
Maybe it's just me having too high a demand for validation but i don't think i am being unreasonable because HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU CARE IF YOU ALWAYS ACT OTHERWISE. I hate playing games and this is one game i detest. I absolutely ABHOR. I don't always give people my 100% but for them i gave my 110% and what did i get myself into.
I am this close to stepping away. I don't want to either but i am really THIS close to doing so. don't make me do it because i might not come back if i do.