Burned out
I am so fucking burned out. My job is ruining my life, it’s hard to find anything new that’s not what I’m already doing and that also pays enough. I’ve been soooooo depressed looking for a new job has been very difficult. But I’m trying. My shitty roommates certainly don’t help making life any easier. They’re lazy and dirty and as many times as I have BEGGED them to take responsibility for themselves and the messes they make, it never seems to stick. They’ll do it for like a week before they go right back to their disgusting, lazy behavior. I am the only one who takes initiative to keep the house from looking like a disaster, which is fucking bullshit. Neither of them work. Ric is unemployed and Loren works 2 days and then had 10 days off in a row. There’s zero excuse for being fucking pigs. I’ve been extremely depressed lately and it just keeps getting worse, and I’m getting no help from these assholes. I’ve grown to really dislike them. I feel taken advantage of and resentful. Fuck them. I got home last night at midnight from visiting Mason, they were both home doing nothing ALL day and the trash of course hadn’t been taken out and rolled down to the curb. Like, why?! If I didn’t live here this house would probably be a massive sty. The animals are neglected by their lazy owner. I’m the one who cleans the food and water dishes, as well as keeping the water full. If I don’t do it, they start growing mold and or are left dry/empty. It’s fucking bullshit.
On top of all of this, I really have zero friends locally. I’m alone or stuck with these butt fucks constantly. My mom won’t call me or answer my calls, what did I do wrong?! I feel super alone all the fucking time. I honestly think about killing myself on a regular basis. I probably won’t but that thought streams through my head almost all day long. I’m so fucking tired, lonely, and used up. I wish I was dead. I feel like the only thing I live for is to watch The Expanse or play No Man’s Sky. All my goals I’ve had seem stupid and pointless. I hate my life. And I’m about to give up trying anymore. It’s pointless.