Waiting For Better Words, They'll Never Come

Jan 17, 2005 03:58

I can't sleep. I'm so tired, but I can't. Nate's being a jerk again. Go figure he's with the kings of assholes, Sean and Jeff. Everything sucks these days. I can't stand it. Nate's toying with my emotions like it's no big deal and I know I should just leave him alone and quit my bitching, but I can't. He's just so beautiful and when we're alone, he's just so god damn sweet. This whole thing would be so much easier if I didn't love him. When he was my boyfriend, I felt like the prettiest girl in the school because someone loved me not matter what. Now, I feel so gross and chunky and nobody's around to tell me they love me and think I'm beautiful. I don't think he realizes how much this is hurting me. Everyday I go home and get super depressed, contemplated cutting myself again a few times, but then I remembered how dumb that was. I've gained so much weight that I can't even look at my self in the mirror with out crying. I cry everynight before I go to bed because I feel so alone. I hate myself for sinking this low.
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