(no subject)
I can't stop thinking about you. I mean you already know how I feel about so there is not point in telling you again. I just don't know what to do. I want to hug you, kiss you, but then kick you in the face..all at the same time for making me waitfive months to see you lol.I want to be with you so bad sometimes it hurts and I just don't know what to do with myelf becasue I'm so tired of waiting.. I know things are hard for you right now but I'm here for you no matter what. I don't think you realize that. I'm here to help. I want to be with you every step of the way but more then just a friend. I want to be there when you need to cry, I want to wipe away your tears telling you that everything is okay. I pour out my heart to you when I ever get courage..this is one of those times. and by nothing happening when I tell you this..we talk about it and then forget about in a week..well I don't forget about it but.. but this isn't helping mme deal with this.I don't know if I should wait for you anymore but I want to so much. If you don't feelanything then tell me and I'll move on..I mean I'm not going to lie..its going to be hard and I might not be able to. I just want to be with you and hold you hand and kiss you just becasue I can. It was so hard for me to see you just because it was five months! Becasue I don't know if you remeber when I told you this becasue of everything that went on. But if you remember..I told you everything and lol basically I got no feedback except that you didn't know why we weren't together either. I don't know about you but that means something. If niether of us know why we shouldn't be with each other then why aren't we together?? Its just a question. You might have changed your desicion..but if you didn't...then we need to do something because I can't live like this anymore..I can't just hold your hand one night then we not do anything..I'm not sure how to explain this but you and I have something and I don't want to lose it... its just so hard to gain the courage to say all of this and I hope that maybe this time instead of just passing it off, you'll really think about this..about us because you mean a lot to me and I would hate to lose you with a misunderstanding..so if you have any questions..text me or something...its jst hard me to say this in person because I don't know your reaction and such and I would just look like a totaly idiot trying to say person.
I just don't really know what to do anymore..it sucks alot lol. I don't understand, I just have so many questions that aren't getting answered and now we are back to that thing where we don't talk for a couple days and then its like Oh m goodness I miss you. I mean and thats only after like two days...I don't know maybe its just me, and it sucks. I'm not the same person anymore..its just hard now because I have so many things racking my brain and my heart and I don't really know what to do anymore. I just want a sure thing and I want to get you and I sorted out..even if its good or bad, I jsut don't know how to do this anymore..we go through this all the time and I don't know if its just me but I think that means something..that our feelings always get in the way of things. I think that if something were to happen we can either be together or not be as close as we are becasue I don't know how much more I can take, I am not the person I want to be right now I'm not me becasue of all these things and I'm trying to examin my life and you seem to be a big part of it..just becasue of how I feel about you and how I'm clueless to your feelings. I want to get awy and I don't know how much longer I can stay in my house but I don't really have anywhere else to go lol. I don't know I need to vent and maybe cry but I don' know how and I don't have anyone there to tell me is going to be okay..so I really have a negitive aspect on things and its not good lol. I don't want to keep pineing after to you if its only going to lead to heartbreak..and I knw its not what you want to do but if it happens..it happens.. nietherof us can prevent it if it were to happen. I'm trying to stay positive but I really don't know how much longer I can be..and it sucks..its an awful feeling and I don't like it.. :(
I just don't really know what to do anymore..it sucks alot lol. I don't understand, I just have so many questions that aren't getting answered and now we are back to that thing where we don't talk for a couple days and then its like Oh m goodness I miss you. I mean and thats only after like two days...I don't know maybe its just me, and it sucks. I'm not the same person anymore..its just hard now because I have so many things racking my brain and my heart and I don't really know what to do anymore. I just want a sure thing and I want to get you and I sorted out..even if its good or bad, I jsut don't know how to do this anymore..we go through this all the time and I don't know if its just me but I think that means something..that our feelings always get in the way of things. I think that if something were to happen we can either be together or not be as close as we are becasue I don't know how much more I can take, I am not the person I want to be right now I'm not me becasue of all these things and I'm trying to examin my life and you seem to be a big part of it..just becasue of how I feel about you and how I'm clueless to your feelings. I want to get awy and I don't know how much longer I can stay in my house but I don't really have anywhere else to go lol. I don't know I need to vent and maybe cry but I don' know how and I don't have anyone there to tell me is going to be okay..so I really have a negitive aspect on things and its not good lol. I don't want to keep pineing after to you if its only going to lead to heartbreak..and I knw its not what you want to do but if it happens..it happens.. nietherof us can prevent it if it were to happen. I'm trying to stay positive but I really don't know how much longer I can be..and it sucks..its an awful feeling and I don't like it.. :(