Another rant.
A curse, an appeal to a supernatural power to inflict harm on someone or something, real or fake? I’ve never thought of a curse to be something real, only something we see in the cartoons as children, nothing big, just a little problem. Maybe they are real, maybe they aren’t just ways Disney spices up their stories. Maybe, just maybe they are for real people to feel.
I’m pretty sure this is curse on me, it’s the only thing that has been able to make since. Some would say it’s just bad luck, or that’s just life, but this has gone on longer then bad luck or the events of life would put on a person. What the hell am I talking about, I honestly don’t really no. This is probably the lack of sleep, and an overload of emotions getting to me, but somehow it does make sense. My curse, I am thinking, has been laid upon by my father. I’ve told the story plenty of times, my father died when I was seven due to suicide, I’m done explaining that part. Why would my father, someone who loves me lay a ‘curse’ on me? What kind of curse would he put on me?
I’m pretty positive my curse is I’m not ever meant to be happy, ever. That sounds overly dramatic, and emo. I know. Fuck it. Eleven years, eleven years of unhappiness and complete pain. The happy moments, the few there are, last so short it’s like they barely are even there. It’s constant, never ending. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I won’t ever be happy, that I’m not allowed to or something. That someone enjoys me suffering? Why my father? It doesn’t make much sense, really.
Let me explain a bit, recent things that involve the past year. My senior year, a time where I am meant to be super happy, enjoy life, I spend most of it in a bed, like a zombie feeling like I’m dying. The one I’ve fallen for, hard, is completely gone out of my life forever. The friendship we has, pretty sure that doesn’t even exist anymore. A person I’ve seen as my best friend, betrays me more then I thought anyone would ever do. A time when I think happiness is right at my grasps with someone, gets taken away just as fast it began. Only a bit of my year, I’m sure, since I don’t remember half of it.
Yeah, a curse. To have me completely unhappy, and alone in the world? Losing the people I’ve known to care about the most. Feeling like I’m dead, when I’m still alive. Why would he of all people do this to me. Maybe to show me that everyone is only as bitter as him? That life isn’t all that great, and people are always going to hurt you in the long run? No matter how much you care and love for them? I honestly don’t know, I would love these answers.
I’m sure I’ll add to this, once my mind is clear and everything. It just felt good to get that out.
I’m pretty sure this is curse on me, it’s the only thing that has been able to make since. Some would say it’s just bad luck, or that’s just life, but this has gone on longer then bad luck or the events of life would put on a person. What the hell am I talking about, I honestly don’t really no. This is probably the lack of sleep, and an overload of emotions getting to me, but somehow it does make sense. My curse, I am thinking, has been laid upon by my father. I’ve told the story plenty of times, my father died when I was seven due to suicide, I’m done explaining that part. Why would my father, someone who loves me lay a ‘curse’ on me? What kind of curse would he put on me?
I’m pretty positive my curse is I’m not ever meant to be happy, ever. That sounds overly dramatic, and emo. I know. Fuck it. Eleven years, eleven years of unhappiness and complete pain. The happy moments, the few there are, last so short it’s like they barely are even there. It’s constant, never ending. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I won’t ever be happy, that I’m not allowed to or something. That someone enjoys me suffering? Why my father? It doesn’t make much sense, really.
Let me explain a bit, recent things that involve the past year. My senior year, a time where I am meant to be super happy, enjoy life, I spend most of it in a bed, like a zombie feeling like I’m dying. The one I’ve fallen for, hard, is completely gone out of my life forever. The friendship we has, pretty sure that doesn’t even exist anymore. A person I’ve seen as my best friend, betrays me more then I thought anyone would ever do. A time when I think happiness is right at my grasps with someone, gets taken away just as fast it began. Only a bit of my year, I’m sure, since I don’t remember half of it.
Yeah, a curse. To have me completely unhappy, and alone in the world? Losing the people I’ve known to care about the most. Feeling like I’m dead, when I’m still alive. Why would he of all people do this to me. Maybe to show me that everyone is only as bitter as him? That life isn’t all that great, and people are always going to hurt you in the long run? No matter how much you care and love for them? I honestly don’t know, I would love these answers.
I’m sure I’ll add to this, once my mind is clear and everything. It just felt good to get that out.