Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Jacs, you inspired me to update!
I always come onto my old livejournal accounts and read about old memories and good times. So I guess I'll try make the habit of updating regularly so that when I'm old(er) I can come on and laugh about how silly I used to be!
Not much is going on at the mo'. Got tonnes of uni work piling up on my desk - theres just so much competition now as only half of our year will be getting into honours next year and you need a B over both semesters to guarantee it. Thankfully, I've been getting straight B's since 1st year so fingers crossed I'll get through! It just means so much to me right now. I think - after changing my mind about 50,000,000 times - that I now want to be a clinical psychologist. I volunteered in the primary school for 4 months and even though I loved the kids to bits, I just didn't feel that I'd get complete satisfaction out of teaching children. I've always said I want to help people for a living. Being a nurse/doctor was always out of the picture though - i don't think I could work knowing that someones life depended on me. Being a psychologist, I think I'll get to help people without really taking full responsibility. I'd like to think I could help people recover from addictions or mental illnesses. Getting into a phd course is soo competative though - ideally, I'd need good solid work experience aswell as my degree. So my aunts looking around for me - my cousins husbands parents and brother (get that? :P) all work in mental hospitals in glasgow so I just hope I can wing my way into there just now - maybe work full time as a research assistant over summer. UGH its just so much hard work, but I enjoy it and the rewards will hopefully be great so I'm sticking in there!
Anyone who knows anyone in the mental health area please let me know :D
Apart from uni life is a bit balls. Still don't have a job, so I feel like a spoiled brat by relying on my dad to fund nights out etc. He's earning a lot more in his new job though and its good having him work away during the week. I think we've bonded a lot over the last year, it's good. Men, however, piss me off (still!). I feel like whenever I build up some kind of connection with a man, he just doesnt ever seem to want to go beyond having a bit of fun. I think I'm looking for emotional support more than anything, and men at my age just don't seem to want to provide that. I have my eye on someone though - he's a bit older, he's foreign (hah), he's gorgeous... I just feel like I'm 16 again whenever I speak to him - I just don't know what to say! Or else I just freeze when the opportunity comes along and act like I don't even notice him! God - I'm doing a psychology degree and I can't even figure out my own head! I guess it'll come in time!
I miss a lot of things right now. I miss friends who have drifted away, I miss family I never get to see, and I miss people who I have lost withing the past couple of years. When Greg died last month, I was utterly heartbroken. My memories of him were ones of happiness - watching him dress up as a woman for the school concerts, going to see his band play, watching him in BB displays, getting fucked up at T in The Park. He was a good man, and everyone misses him so much. Why he did what he did - we'll never know. But hopefully he's not feeling that pain anymore and living on in our memories. His death brought back Samantha's too. Its just horrible. I was talking to my friend Kerry in uni last week and she said she'd never been to a funeral before. I've been to 9, and I'm only just going on 20 this year. I hate winter.
Anyways, I'm going to catch some zeds - its 1.30am and I'm knackered.
Peace out! xx