5K
I'm running my towns road race today - 5k. I'm psyched and a bit nervous at the same time.. as it is my first one and I don't want to totally suck or anything.
My mom drives me crazy.. she really does. I let her make me breakfast this morning and I "okay" an egg (if you look back at older posts you'll see how easy I flip out every time she suggests my having an egg) .. so she puts "one and a half eggs" in it.. HOW does she know it's one and a half and not one and three quarters or nearly two? She deosn't. I had an egg sandwich (no butter or anything) with two slices of 'light wheat bread' and a slice of turkey.. which was aprox 205 cals.. I'm running at noon. I don't know how much fat in an egg.. right now I'm scared to find out anyway. I think I'm going to do crunches now and let that be my meal for the day.
I went to the gym yesterday and stepped on the scale.. wearing shoes, shorts, wifebeater tank, sports bra, underwear and socks.. weighed in at a glorious 116. I can NOT REMEMBER the last time I saw the scale up so high.. I felt this awful sinking feeling in my stomach.. but I didn't kill myself once I was out there.
I don't know, would you say I'm in recovery? I don't want to be though! I still want to be painfuly thin! I still want to feel my hip bones .. and have them bruise when I do side crunches on the mat.. I still want to be able to fit into girls size 12s at the gap.. I still want to be sub 105 pounds. I don't understand though.. I can still fit into size zero's .. and they first as well as they did when I was that small (only I now I don't look like I'm swimming in them..). No one is looking at me anymore with sad faces watching me waste away.. becuse I'm no longer wasting away.
I eat because I want to have energy, and I want to have energy so I can race and WIN. Becuase I'm crazy when it comes to competing..
As soon as track is over I'm going to start hitting the gym every afternoon and not leave until at least 5:30 like I use to. Recording every calorie burnt and every calorie eaten. This time I will be only that much more successful because I will be already thin- starting at a lower weight will mean that I will get smaller quicker.. than I did when I started at a higher weight.
Ana is still very much inside my mind. I don't think anyone who has ever been friends with her ever loses her, you might quiet her (like this morning.. eating an egg with the yolk because I know it's "good for me") but she is always there nagging. Like an annoying parent who you might not listen to but you hear it anyway.. I'll start listening soon enough, only a couple weeks of track left. Then it's back to my old ways - just in time for summer. :]
My mom drives me crazy.. she really does. I let her make me breakfast this morning and I "okay" an egg (if you look back at older posts you'll see how easy I flip out every time she suggests my having an egg) .. so she puts "one and a half eggs" in it.. HOW does she know it's one and a half and not one and three quarters or nearly two? She deosn't. I had an egg sandwich (no butter or anything) with two slices of 'light wheat bread' and a slice of turkey.. which was aprox 205 cals.. I'm running at noon. I don't know how much fat in an egg.. right now I'm scared to find out anyway. I think I'm going to do crunches now and let that be my meal for the day.
I went to the gym yesterday and stepped on the scale.. wearing shoes, shorts, wifebeater tank, sports bra, underwear and socks.. weighed in at a glorious 116. I can NOT REMEMBER the last time I saw the scale up so high.. I felt this awful sinking feeling in my stomach.. but I didn't kill myself once I was out there.
I don't know, would you say I'm in recovery? I don't want to be though! I still want to be painfuly thin! I still want to feel my hip bones .. and have them bruise when I do side crunches on the mat.. I still want to be able to fit into girls size 12s at the gap.. I still want to be sub 105 pounds. I don't understand though.. I can still fit into size zero's .. and they first as well as they did when I was that small (only I now I don't look like I'm swimming in them..). No one is looking at me anymore with sad faces watching me waste away.. becuse I'm no longer wasting away.
I eat because I want to have energy, and I want to have energy so I can race and WIN. Becuase I'm crazy when it comes to competing..
As soon as track is over I'm going to start hitting the gym every afternoon and not leave until at least 5:30 like I use to. Recording every calorie burnt and every calorie eaten. This time I will be only that much more successful because I will be already thin- starting at a lower weight will mean that I will get smaller quicker.. than I did when I started at a higher weight.
Ana is still very much inside my mind. I don't think anyone who has ever been friends with her ever loses her, you might quiet her (like this morning.. eating an egg with the yolk because I know it's "good for me") but she is always there nagging. Like an annoying parent who you might not listen to but you hear it anyway.. I'll start listening soon enough, only a couple weeks of track left. Then it's back to my old ways - just in time for summer. :]