i ma waste
tommy made me think tonight. what the fuck am i doing in life all i do is look for my next thrill and when it comes its gone just as quick. but yet i keep striving for my next hit as if it were a drug. all i ever think about is how, when or where im going to get that feeling back again or if i will ever again. ive stolen, lied and done some other things im sure just to get what i want. worring only about myself. i wish i could do my life over and prevent things from happening, for myself, my family, and my friends. i know ive caused pain in other peoples life if not direcyly inderectly by taking someone somewhere and getting them into stuff they didnt used to do. and they just want to be part of the scene so much they change their goals and dreams just to have that moment of glory that passes quicker then anything they could of created for themselves. if i hadnt drown them in. i know i had no way of knowing that this would be the outcome but everything is easier to lookback on and wish for change. now i look at myself all depressed no where. all my childhood goals forgotten long ago. i could of been anything but now i dont even know if i can change to better myself, i know i want to, but getting my self to do it, is a totally different sittuation. i have no motivation. all i want is the prize, not the competition. i just need someone to give me that encouragment, that spark to get me going! but till then ill just be another person who didnt live up to there potential. unless something happens soon. another average life will be lived, nothing special. just mediocre. im done