Alask
So. I got a call this morning. It was an old skipper of mine, He wants to know if I want to go up to Alaska and go fishing again. However, if I go, I'll be doing to my son exactly what my father did to me. Which I dont want to do. I'm not happy here, I want more, and I cant get it.
I just want to feel like I used to, Happy, outgoing, excited, non-reserved. It seems like I've been saddled and I dont want to be. I want to just go. Like I always have. I Love my son, unconditionally, and I'd give up anything to have him in my life. I just dont want to let my personality and fire die to keep him.
I miss the excitement, the long hours, the danger, the uncertainty, the brutal weather, the insanity that envelops a crew of fisherman after a few days and a few bottles. I miss the long nights of drinking followed by a few good stories. I miss the awkward mornings after an all nighter. I miss the waves slamming against the boat. I miss the thrill of a big haul. I miss the rush of seeing my paycheck.
I look at my life today, and I am dissapointed with myself. I believed that I could change. and for the right person I would. And I tried, but thats gone now. Too little too late as they say.
Its strange now that I look at it however, I'm living in a warm place, food everywhere, clothes and decent living conditions. Why is it that I want to go to a barren wasteland of nothing but cruelty, drunkards, drug addicts, and insanity?
Thanks for reading this. Have a nice day.
I just want to feel like I used to, Happy, outgoing, excited, non-reserved. It seems like I've been saddled and I dont want to be. I want to just go. Like I always have. I Love my son, unconditionally, and I'd give up anything to have him in my life. I just dont want to let my personality and fire die to keep him.
I miss the excitement, the long hours, the danger, the uncertainty, the brutal weather, the insanity that envelops a crew of fisherman after a few days and a few bottles. I miss the long nights of drinking followed by a few good stories. I miss the awkward mornings after an all nighter. I miss the waves slamming against the boat. I miss the thrill of a big haul. I miss the rush of seeing my paycheck.
I look at my life today, and I am dissapointed with myself. I believed that I could change. and for the right person I would. And I tried, but thats gone now. Too little too late as they say.
Its strange now that I look at it however, I'm living in a warm place, food everywhere, clothes and decent living conditions. Why is it that I want to go to a barren wasteland of nothing but cruelty, drunkards, drug addicts, and insanity?
Thanks for reading this. Have a nice day.