What do you do?
What do you do when you see your life going by without you. What if you see all the work you've done and the people you spent life with, and it all flourishes without you. You think "well then what do they need me for?" And your purpose seems lost. And you know that they'll live and love without you. Is then it maybe time to leave? If one's not needed, would it make sense then not to interfere? When someone introduces something that isn't neccesary into any eco-system, it offests the balance. And if one strives for balance then making oneself present when they're not needed wouldn't be logical right? So I think I'm leaving. Finally. I've been takling about leaving for a while now. I've always wanted to. I'm not needed here. My purpose have been served. I've hooked people up with the people that needed them or that they needed. I've brought countless people together as friends, families, and lovers, and now they're all closer to eachother than they are to me. I've evolved from a loved one to a memory. I can't, in good mind, reverse that progress. I must remain a memory.
I've been reading alot on eastern philosophies lately. Especially Taoist outlooks. I kinda like it. Progressive logic. Case-dependant. It works. It's enabled me to step-beck and take a look at some concepts that were new to me. That maybe Logic goes deeper than everyday life, maybe even into the core of one's emotional paradigm. Explain some things. Question some things. Explain some things. Question some things.
One prespective is something I've thought of but never attempted to apply: To have no heart of one's own.
To desire nothing as my own so that my own is completed.
To be uninfluanced by Love or Coldness;
Nor gain or loss;
Nor glory or lowliness.
To set an example without being condescending.
To be genuine without being arbitrary. (I still need some work on this one.)
To plan for what's difficult while it's still easy.
To accomplish great things while they're still small.
To give considerations to diffuculties so that they will never occur.
All these newfound conclusions bring about questions in some of my existing presumtions, so I'm questioning and changing alot right now.
Another interesting bit of self-realization I've had recently: I've figured out why my romantic life has been completely non-existant since Isis.
Diagnostic:
It has to do with me being unable to see people gender-specifically. Because of subconcious precautionary measures and an unneccesary fear factor in combination with an over-whelming need not to cross peoples personal boundaries; I've been unable to see chicks as chicks and dudes as dudes. Everyone's just been people. Which in a macro level is acceptable, but on a micro level it brings about a detriment to one's sex drive, social skills, and "game". lol
Conclusion: I need to remove the cadillac from my ass and chill the fuck out. And it wouldn't hurt to turn on my eyes and brain to sexual arousal either.
In other news: We have the van back now, so I'll either be able to get a job now, or else I'l pursue any other options available.
I've been reading alot on eastern philosophies lately. Especially Taoist outlooks. I kinda like it. Progressive logic. Case-dependant. It works. It's enabled me to step-beck and take a look at some concepts that were new to me. That maybe Logic goes deeper than everyday life, maybe even into the core of one's emotional paradigm. Explain some things. Question some things. Explain some things. Question some things.
One prespective is something I've thought of but never attempted to apply: To have no heart of one's own.
To desire nothing as my own so that my own is completed.
To be uninfluanced by Love or Coldness;
Nor gain or loss;
Nor glory or lowliness.
To set an example without being condescending.
To be genuine without being arbitrary. (I still need some work on this one.)
To plan for what's difficult while it's still easy.
To accomplish great things while they're still small.
To give considerations to diffuculties so that they will never occur.
All these newfound conclusions bring about questions in some of my existing presumtions, so I'm questioning and changing alot right now.
Another interesting bit of self-realization I've had recently: I've figured out why my romantic life has been completely non-existant since Isis.
Diagnostic:
It has to do with me being unable to see people gender-specifically. Because of subconcious precautionary measures and an unneccesary fear factor in combination with an over-whelming need not to cross peoples personal boundaries; I've been unable to see chicks as chicks and dudes as dudes. Everyone's just been people. Which in a macro level is acceptable, but on a micro level it brings about a detriment to one's sex drive, social skills, and "game". lol
Conclusion: I need to remove the cadillac from my ass and chill the fuck out. And it wouldn't hurt to turn on my eyes and brain to sexual arousal either.
In other news: We have the van back now, so I'll either be able to get a job now, or else I'l pursue any other options available.