Fic: The Way Things Are
Hope you all like!
Tired.
That was the only way she could describe her current state of mind. As Katara slowly climbed out of bed and walked towards the balcony of the large and extravagantly decorated room in which she stayed, she sighed. Moonlight basked her face giving her an almost ethereal whilst illuminating her now dull blue eyes. As she looked out towards the sleeping city which was now shrouded in a blanket darkness her mind wandered and heavy thoughts began to resurface...They seemed to do so more and more often these days she noted. Once again she was staying in the home of a nobleman whom she could not recall even if she tried. Her possessions, the only things she could truly call her own, rested in a travelling bag no bigger that a small cat. She didn't bother to even take them out anymore because she knew that she would not be staying long. She had no need for a suitcase due to her hosts insisting they buy her anything she might require whilst she was in their keep and most importantly, she was missing home. This was not the typical homesickness that came each time an extra cold breeze would gently caress her face or whenever she would pass the ocean, this was much much more.
It was settled within her mind that very moment. This ends now. With her determination giving her this newfound inner strength, she re enters the bedroom and is suddenly stooped in her tracks. That's why she's been doing this for so long. Why the feeling of homesickness always seems to pass and the thought of uprooting gets that little bit easier each time it happens.
Aang.
She loves him. She always has. But unlike the naive teenager she once was, she now know that there are many types of love, and the love she feels for Aang is no longer able to justify the hatred she has for what her life has become. This time, his smile will not convince her that she is being over emotional; his arms around her will not comfort and tell her that as long as they are together that is all that should matter. No more. As she watches his chest rise and fall as he sleeps peacefully she smiles, knowing that it is finally over. She loves him, and that is why she is finally able to leave him without her heart feeling heavy. She wants many things but if she were to stay, eventually her hatred of what she has become would turn into a hatred of him and she does not want that... She will never want that.
Morning arrives a lot quicker than expected but Katara is ready. She has washed and dressed herself long before Aang begins to stir awake. She has not slept all night but finds that she does not feel tired, in fact she feels exactly the opposite. As she sits and waits at the dressing table for Aang to realise that she is no longer at his side, she plans the best way to him that this new day brings more than any of them would have expected.
"Katara?" Aang says sleepily whilst beginning to sit up.
"I'm here Aang."
"Oh there you are" he grins. "You're up early." He says while getting up and moving towards the bathroom. Moments later he emerges after freshening up. He still looks half asleep but Katara knows that that's simply because contrary to popular belief, Aang is not that much of a morning person. She gets up and hugs him, a little more desperately than usual and he notices this.
"Katara, what's wrong?" He says worriedly. Katara caress his face gently and smiles. He is more than a foot taller than she is.
"Aang," she says while still caressing his face. "I love you, I always have and always will but I cannot keep doing this anymore. I'm...." she pauses and looks down no longer able to look at the sorrow growing on his face. "Tired." Aang slowly takes her hand from his faces and hold it as if it were some sort of lifeline. He shrugs of Katara's confessions and forces a smile.
"That's OK Katara, we will be leaving Nobleman Hui's home soon and going back to Omashu. You like it..."
"No Aang." she says pulling her hand away and shaking her head slowly. "I can't do this. This continuous travelling it's destroying me. I have stayed by your side ever since the fall of Osai and during these past 7 years travelled with you around the world staying in places no longer than months at a time." Although she managed to keep her demeanour calm, a tornado was brewing inside of her, however she did not want to fight with Aang, nor did she want to argue. She simply wanted to tell him how she felt. "I can't do that anymore. I understand that as the Avatar you need to do such things in order to maintain the frail state of peace we have fought so hard to obtain, but the truth is that, this life, this nomadic life, is not for me. I miss home. I miss my family. I miss the little things like having my own bed and my own clothes and my own belongings around me and not in my travel bag. I miss..."
"But Katara if you wanted to go back home why didn't you just say." Aang chuckled even though Katara could still sense the desperation in his voice. "We can go there right now if you want. I could send a letter to Bumi saying that we will be a few days late, I sure he won't mind."
"No Aang." Katara shouted. "I' sorry, I didn't mean to shout, it's just your not listening to me. I don't want to do this anymore. The constant moving. It's not me, and a quick trip to the Southern Water Tribe will not change that. I want a home, I want a family, I want my own life back."
"There are a lot of I's there Katara. This is meant to be a partnership. What about me, what about us?" Aang pleaded.
"Aang, the last few years have been all about you."
"Are you saying.... you didn't enjoy any of our time together" Aang whispered.
Katara smiled. "No Aang. I could never say that. Some of my happiest moments have occurred while travelling with you, and as a child, I could think of no better way than travelling the world spreading peace with my best friend and eventual lover." Katara slowly walked up to Aang closing the gap that had grown between them. "But I am not that child anymore Aang, and I now see that that rose, though beautiful, has many thorns. " Katara said whilst smiling and looking up at him.
"Katara....I....I can't do this by myself. Please...stay with me."
"No Aang. Not this time, and you and I both know that you are more than capable of doing this whole thing by yourself. You should give yourself more credit, you're one of the strongest people I know." She said patting him on the shoulder, which was more a sign of reassurance than a gesture of patronisation. Slowly, her hand left Aang's shoulder and placed something into his own. Aang looked at the item and sighed. It was the betrothal necklace he had carved for her 3 years ago.
"I guess this means goodbye."
"Yes." She nodded while placing her travel bag over her shoulder.
"I'll wait for you." Aang said almost numbly, like it was the last thing he could do to possibly change her mind.
"No Aang. Please, if you do anything more for me, you will promise me that you will not do that. We cannot do this it will only destroy us and the feelings we have for each other, living our lives for the other will only bring us sadness and neither of us deserve that. We deserve to be happy. Promise me that you will move on from this."
"Katara... I..."
"Promise me." She said looking directly into his eyes.
" I promise." He said feigning a smile. "Where will you go?" he asked sadly.
"I don't know yet, but I ask you for one more favour."
"Anything."
"Please, don't follow me."
"I won't" Aang said, his voice filled with sorrow. "You have my word."
"Thank you Aang." Katara said and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Goodbye."
And with that she walked out the door. It took all her strength to do so without looking back.
Tired.
That was the only way she could describe her current state of mind. As Katara slowly climbed out of bed and walked towards the balcony of the large and extravagantly decorated room in which she stayed, she sighed. Moonlight basked her face giving her an almost ethereal whilst illuminating her now dull blue eyes. As she looked out towards the sleeping city which was now shrouded in a blanket darkness her mind wandered and heavy thoughts began to resurface...They seemed to do so more and more often these days she noted. Once again she was staying in the home of a nobleman whom she could not recall even if she tried. Her possessions, the only things she could truly call her own, rested in a travelling bag no bigger that a small cat. She didn't bother to even take them out anymore because she knew that she would not be staying long. She had no need for a suitcase due to her hosts insisting they buy her anything she might require whilst she was in their keep and most importantly, she was missing home. This was not the typical homesickness that came each time an extra cold breeze would gently caress her face or whenever she would pass the ocean, this was much much more.
It was settled within her mind that very moment. This ends now. With her determination giving her this newfound inner strength, she re enters the bedroom and is suddenly stooped in her tracks. That's why she's been doing this for so long. Why the feeling of homesickness always seems to pass and the thought of uprooting gets that little bit easier each time it happens.
Aang.
She loves him. She always has. But unlike the naive teenager she once was, she now know that there are many types of love, and the love she feels for Aang is no longer able to justify the hatred she has for what her life has become. This time, his smile will not convince her that she is being over emotional; his arms around her will not comfort and tell her that as long as they are together that is all that should matter. No more. As she watches his chest rise and fall as he sleeps peacefully she smiles, knowing that it is finally over. She loves him, and that is why she is finally able to leave him without her heart feeling heavy. She wants many things but if she were to stay, eventually her hatred of what she has become would turn into a hatred of him and she does not want that... She will never want that.
Morning arrives a lot quicker than expected but Katara is ready. She has washed and dressed herself long before Aang begins to stir awake. She has not slept all night but finds that she does not feel tired, in fact she feels exactly the opposite. As she sits and waits at the dressing table for Aang to realise that she is no longer at his side, she plans the best way to him that this new day brings more than any of them would have expected.
"Katara?" Aang says sleepily whilst beginning to sit up.
"I'm here Aang."
"Oh there you are" he grins. "You're up early." He says while getting up and moving towards the bathroom. Moments later he emerges after freshening up. He still looks half asleep but Katara knows that that's simply because contrary to popular belief, Aang is not that much of a morning person. She gets up and hugs him, a little more desperately than usual and he notices this.
"Katara, what's wrong?" He says worriedly. Katara caress his face gently and smiles. He is more than a foot taller than she is.
"Aang," she says while still caressing his face. "I love you, I always have and always will but I cannot keep doing this anymore. I'm...." she pauses and looks down no longer able to look at the sorrow growing on his face. "Tired." Aang slowly takes her hand from his faces and hold it as if it were some sort of lifeline. He shrugs of Katara's confessions and forces a smile.
"That's OK Katara, we will be leaving Nobleman Hui's home soon and going back to Omashu. You like it..."
"No Aang." she says pulling her hand away and shaking her head slowly. "I can't do this. This continuous travelling it's destroying me. I have stayed by your side ever since the fall of Osai and during these past 7 years travelled with you around the world staying in places no longer than months at a time." Although she managed to keep her demeanour calm, a tornado was brewing inside of her, however she did not want to fight with Aang, nor did she want to argue. She simply wanted to tell him how she felt. "I can't do that anymore. I understand that as the Avatar you need to do such things in order to maintain the frail state of peace we have fought so hard to obtain, but the truth is that, this life, this nomadic life, is not for me. I miss home. I miss my family. I miss the little things like having my own bed and my own clothes and my own belongings around me and not in my travel bag. I miss..."
"But Katara if you wanted to go back home why didn't you just say." Aang chuckled even though Katara could still sense the desperation in his voice. "We can go there right now if you want. I could send a letter to Bumi saying that we will be a few days late, I sure he won't mind."
"No Aang." Katara shouted. "I' sorry, I didn't mean to shout, it's just your not listening to me. I don't want to do this anymore. The constant moving. It's not me, and a quick trip to the Southern Water Tribe will not change that. I want a home, I want a family, I want my own life back."
"There are a lot of I's there Katara. This is meant to be a partnership. What about me, what about us?" Aang pleaded.
"Aang, the last few years have been all about you."
"Are you saying.... you didn't enjoy any of our time together" Aang whispered.
Katara smiled. "No Aang. I could never say that. Some of my happiest moments have occurred while travelling with you, and as a child, I could think of no better way than travelling the world spreading peace with my best friend and eventual lover." Katara slowly walked up to Aang closing the gap that had grown between them. "But I am not that child anymore Aang, and I now see that that rose, though beautiful, has many thorns. " Katara said whilst smiling and looking up at him.
"Katara....I....I can't do this by myself. Please...stay with me."
"No Aang. Not this time, and you and I both know that you are more than capable of doing this whole thing by yourself. You should give yourself more credit, you're one of the strongest people I know." She said patting him on the shoulder, which was more a sign of reassurance than a gesture of patronisation. Slowly, her hand left Aang's shoulder and placed something into his own. Aang looked at the item and sighed. It was the betrothal necklace he had carved for her 3 years ago.
"I guess this means goodbye."
"Yes." She nodded while placing her travel bag over her shoulder.
"I'll wait for you." Aang said almost numbly, like it was the last thing he could do to possibly change her mind.
"No Aang. Please, if you do anything more for me, you will promise me that you will not do that. We cannot do this it will only destroy us and the feelings we have for each other, living our lives for the other will only bring us sadness and neither of us deserve that. We deserve to be happy. Promise me that you will move on from this."
"Katara... I..."
"Promise me." She said looking directly into his eyes.
" I promise." He said feigning a smile. "Where will you go?" he asked sadly.
"I don't know yet, but I ask you for one more favour."
"Anything."
"Please, don't follow me."
"I won't" Aang said, his voice filled with sorrow. "You have my word."
"Thank you Aang." Katara said and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Goodbye."
And with that she walked out the door. It took all her strength to do so without looking back.