You only got one shot...so make it count.

[xxzutarafanxx]

You may never get that moment again!! Well....Here's a oneshot for y'all! If you liked this, check out my other stuff!!

ignore the read more one....

Comments

[jennibare]

Not bad my dear, not bad. I loved the son, very cute. Although I think it would be more believable if he were say 5 rather than 3. 3yo's don't quite have the communication skills that this little guy had. But either way, he was adorable and very precocious just like a little boy would be (I have an 8yo so I know first hand ^_^).

The story went along nicely as a day in the life of the pregnant Fire Lady and prince, and then the twist at the end was nicely done but a little rushed. I think what throws me off the most is when you mention "that voice", had she heard it prior and we don't know? That line seemed to come out of the blue. Also "Again she began to feel uneasy, as if something bad was about to happen." Perhaps referencing the darkness ("as if a darkness was lingering in wait for her") would have helped tie in the uneasy feelings that she expresses later on.

Other than that, it was well done. Loved Daddy!Zuko and how concerned he was for her. I liked the dialogue, especially the "bad" jokes, spot on for those two I think, as well as the son's dialogue. Grammatically sound. It makes me want to check out more of your stuff. I think I'll go do that now. :)

[xxzutarafanxx]

Thanks for the indepth review, I really appreciate it sooo much and agfree 100% with what your saying! Typos and speechmarks being in the wrong place I hate! I.m so bad at checking my own stuff it's sad but I am definately gonna work on that! As to the whole three years old thing...well it's obvious that I don't hang around with kids much..haha..but yeah I think I might change that.....thanks!