HATE
i pretty much hate my life right now...yep i got some friends around and they are cool but most of my friends aren't around anymore. the ones that are here can't seem to get along anymore. i'm really tired of the angesty childishness that is going around lately. i dont want to be here anymore but i cant go anywhere because wow imagine that i can't get a job. so i sit here and enjoy my whole day online with much resentment for leaving a life where i was actually having fun must of the time. i didn't have to deal with grown up people acting like children all the time. holding grudges...what is that? fucking deal with it and quit being a bitch. i guess i'm fucking angery about the whole idea right now....nothing new there i think im pissed at least once a day maybe twice lately. sometimes i think about leaving again and starting over somewhere totally new but still in illinois so my college is free. thats the only nice thing i have to look forward to anymore....free college. i pretty much decided to do the hitory teacher thing now....i guess ill be good at that but who knows. i pretty much suck at life. another thing thats really got me down is these girl situations. i don't have a clue what im doing at all with it. i would really like to go have sex with every girl a live and i would be fulfilled that way but then i would be very lonely. my friends actually think that is what im trying to do. i think its funny....i guess im kinda seeing this girl.....but i havent seen her in like three weeks. i dont think im going to be seeing her any longer...i really enjoy being with her but its not really a relationship its kinda just sex plus maybe a movie sometime. i guess that is what happens when you have sex with her on the second date. i just dont know anymore. its like sex is good and all but make me work for it a little gosh. she makes me work not at all when she is around which i suppose is a good thing for most guys but its really kinda boring...as for the masses of other girls that i find attractive and that i talk with they all seem to be finding someone to spend there time with. i'm happy for them but i really want to find someone i can spend time with. cyrus and kels are together a lot and zac and celia are together a lot. like they spend whole days together...thats awesome thats what i want to do...which is amazing because i'm not the kind of guy people think would want that. something something...i forgot what i was typing....so right now girls = suck, and my friends = kinda suck, and living at home = suck, not having a job and all the free time in the world that i get to spend alone = suck. so another thing that is retarded is i havent drank since zac left....to me this is a problem...i like to go out and drink and have fun but there is no one that invites me to do this or they invite me because they know im not going to come because of the people they hang out with. the rest of my friends are anti-drinking.....kinda of annoying....like i understand why they dont and i understand their reasons but i like to do it and fuck off if you think there is something wrong with that. i used to be drunk almost every night now i barely remember the last time i got drunk....thats so stupid. im rambling and make no sense so im out and im going to sleep till dinner then im going to go back to sleep and wish i never wake up because the best times in my life have obviously already passed and this is the hell i have to endure till i die.