Haha..time to be sad again.
I say where is my boy?
Have I seen you before?
Yeah, I saw you before.
In some kind of a dream.
I say where was my head?
When I needed it most?
Oh, I stayed here before,
Yes I stay in the place I know.
- - - - - -
Too much shit going on. Lockup ruined my head. Ruined everything. I'm insecure. I want peircings and new things. Nice things. I want more than anything to be pretty. I used to feel pretty. Now I feel used, broken, ugly, and forgotten. I need help.. I need friends.. I need to feel safe somewhere other than my bedroom. I don't do drugs anymore.. weird to hear me say that, but it's true. I still smoke cigarettes if that counts.
I need to clean my room.. too depressed. I need to talk.. to depressed. I need to go to work.. to depressed. I need to go to AA.. too depressed. I need to do better in school.. I need to get better grades.. I need to make all my check in meetings.. make my curfew everynight.. fuck, I can't even make my bed. Someone explain to me.. how I can do all of this feeling the way that I do ? It's nearly impossible.
My alarm clock is broken. I can't do anything on time. I want to sleep all day and stay up all night eating and watching television.. I have no friends anymore. I have people that care about me.. but I barely talk to them ever and seeing them is almost as hard as getting up in the morning.
I ask for help.. but I don't let anyone help me. Everything everyone tells me, I don't listen. There advice is not what I want to hear.. not what I'll do. So why do I ask. Why do I even bother with anything ? I sure as hell don't do it for myself. I think I do it for Deering. It seems like even he doesn't love me anymore. I know he does.. I know a lot of people do. But.. I just don't know. I need .. I don't know what I need. I need to lose weight, for one. I'm a fat fuck.. I swear to god i thought I was pregnant.. I found out tonight I'm not. I in some ways wish that I was. Maybe things would be more exciting. More worth while. At least I'd have someone to live for 24/7. I don't now.
Have I seen you before?
Yeah, I saw you before.
In some kind of a dream.
I say where was my head?
When I needed it most?
Oh, I stayed here before,
Yes I stay in the place I know.
- - - - - -
Too much shit going on. Lockup ruined my head. Ruined everything. I'm insecure. I want peircings and new things. Nice things. I want more than anything to be pretty. I used to feel pretty. Now I feel used, broken, ugly, and forgotten. I need help.. I need friends.. I need to feel safe somewhere other than my bedroom. I don't do drugs anymore.. weird to hear me say that, but it's true. I still smoke cigarettes if that counts.
I need to clean my room.. too depressed. I need to talk.. to depressed. I need to go to work.. to depressed. I need to go to AA.. too depressed. I need to do better in school.. I need to get better grades.. I need to make all my check in meetings.. make my curfew everynight.. fuck, I can't even make my bed. Someone explain to me.. how I can do all of this feeling the way that I do ? It's nearly impossible.
My alarm clock is broken. I can't do anything on time. I want to sleep all day and stay up all night eating and watching television.. I have no friends anymore. I have people that care about me.. but I barely talk to them ever and seeing them is almost as hard as getting up in the morning.
I ask for help.. but I don't let anyone help me. Everything everyone tells me, I don't listen. There advice is not what I want to hear.. not what I'll do. So why do I ask. Why do I even bother with anything ? I sure as hell don't do it for myself. I think I do it for Deering. It seems like even he doesn't love me anymore. I know he does.. I know a lot of people do. But.. I just don't know. I need .. I don't know what I need. I need to lose weight, for one. I'm a fat fuck.. I swear to god i thought I was pregnant.. I found out tonight I'm not. I in some ways wish that I was. Maybe things would be more exciting. More worth while. At least I'd have someone to live for 24/7. I don't now.