(no subject)
Today is 11-26-2005.
Sam calls. We make plans to go to Gina's to watch a flick, smoke a bit, and chill out for the night. The three of us. Around 5:30 Taylor calls Gina. Gina puts it on speaker phone, but I bet now she regrets that one. Taylor invites her to go out with her because "she has a car tonight" and because she is going to Sacca's house and going to Folcroft. Sam asks if we can go. Gina and Taylor are very hesitant and ask if we'd like to come. Sam and I sit there, and ponder. Taylor says "I don't know if you want to bring those people around you know how they(the people in folcroft) can be." Sam becomes frustrated and wants to know what she means by that. Gina and Taylor concoct some story and then Gina finally says
"It's because of Tim. It's because he is gay. I don't want to bring him around them."
I have to admit, that hurt me, still does hurt me and is going to continue to hurt me.
The fact that a "best friend" doesn't want to bring you around "new" friends because of my sexuality.
It is really hard to be gay. It's not all fun with clothes and shoes. It's very emotional and it fucking hurts. And I used to hang out with a certain group of people in 9th grade. That changed when I came out. Thank god I befriended Mark. He's the only one who loves me, unconditionally, and doesn't judge me, hold grudges, talk about me, or hesitate to bring me anywhere. No matter what he's a TRUE friend and it all boils down to
he
is
my
only
true
friend
out
of
all
of
my
friends
and I really am hurt.
But, I do feel better, like always, because of Mark. Just the thought of him could ease up any of my emotions to better ones.
But, he's at work right now until 11 so I'll be by myself. I doubt any one is going to call me either.
So I'll just sit in,
uninvited, lonely, bored, hurt, sad, frustrated, emotionally crushed and wait.
Like I always do
Wait for the only person who matters anymore, or ever.
Wait for my happiness.
Wait for my love.
Hugs and xXx
Tim
Sam calls. We make plans to go to Gina's to watch a flick, smoke a bit, and chill out for the night. The three of us. Around 5:30 Taylor calls Gina. Gina puts it on speaker phone, but I bet now she regrets that one. Taylor invites her to go out with her because "she has a car tonight" and because she is going to Sacca's house and going to Folcroft. Sam asks if we can go. Gina and Taylor are very hesitant and ask if we'd like to come. Sam and I sit there, and ponder. Taylor says "I don't know if you want to bring those people around you know how they(the people in folcroft) can be." Sam becomes frustrated and wants to know what she means by that. Gina and Taylor concoct some story and then Gina finally says
"It's because of Tim. It's because he is gay. I don't want to bring him around them."
I have to admit, that hurt me, still does hurt me and is going to continue to hurt me.
The fact that a "best friend" doesn't want to bring you around "new" friends because of my sexuality.
It is really hard to be gay. It's not all fun with clothes and shoes. It's very emotional and it fucking hurts. And I used to hang out with a certain group of people in 9th grade. That changed when I came out. Thank god I befriended Mark. He's the only one who loves me, unconditionally, and doesn't judge me, hold grudges, talk about me, or hesitate to bring me anywhere. No matter what he's a TRUE friend and it all boils down to
he
is
my
only
true
friend
out
of
all
of
my
friends
and I really am hurt.
But, I do feel better, like always, because of Mark. Just the thought of him could ease up any of my emotions to better ones.
But, he's at work right now until 11 so I'll be by myself. I doubt any one is going to call me either.
So I'll just sit in,
uninvited, lonely, bored, hurt, sad, frustrated, emotionally crushed and wait.
Like I always do
Wait for the only person who matters anymore, or ever.
Wait for my happiness.
Wait for my love.
Hugs and xXx
Tim