(no subject)
So these past few weeks have not been on my side at all. Worst few weeks of my life....EVER. Everything with Sean is not making things better. When we talked things through it was we decided to break up because it would be the "mature" thing to do in a situation like ours. According to Sean this is the only reason we broke up- the fact that we have no time. So when we decided to call it quits we said we were going to have everything we did before, now...just no titles. I need him in my life and I don't care how..i just need him one way or another. Its quite confusing really and no matter how much you say things wont change, THEY DO like it or not. things will never be the same no matter how hard we try. I was holding onto some little peice of hope...thinking we had something special and how could you have what we had and not care you dont have it anymore. I dont like the fact of not talking everyday. I have ahard time dealing with that. How can you talk to the same one person every single day for 6 months straight and then stop. Ive never been so hurt and confused in my entire life. I never want to have to go through this shit again. Makes me feel like relationships and love are over-rated. First loves die hard- and i guess i'll never lose that little strand of hope that i do still hold onto. Maybe its the fact that he will always own a little peice of my heart. Whatever it may be, who knows. But Sean was "kind enough" to break things down to me the other night which resulted ne in tears once again. Crying is my new part time job- ew. SO yeah talked to Sean and I told him about last thursday night and a guy kissing me and I was like it made me realize that I don't want to be with anyone else right now and I like you so much. he was like good im glad your going out and having fun. Don't let me hold you back from the college experience. I was like well, I dont like it. He was like well hun, im in the past now...
WHAT THE FUCK??!?!?!?!
Im in the past now? What the hell...could you please twist and bend- FUCK up my emotions and my feelings any more? What am I supposed to say to that? I am the one person that is being there for him through his new job and Im the one making the effort. You know what- If a person wants you in their life, they'll make an effort to be in yours. I keep trying to tell myself stop with the effort, but it is so hard. He doesnt appreciate how much i have been there for him. Maybe if its gone..he'll see and he'll realize that he has made a mistake. I mean after we broke up I got two streets away before he called me and was like I am so sorry this night even happened. I am the biggest ass hole ever. You're the best girlfriend i have ever had Well sweat heart- you said it...your in the past now. Im going to be the one you let slip away....
WHAT THE FUCK??!?!?!?!
Im in the past now? What the hell...could you please twist and bend- FUCK up my emotions and my feelings any more? What am I supposed to say to that? I am the one person that is being there for him through his new job and Im the one making the effort. You know what- If a person wants you in their life, they'll make an effort to be in yours. I keep trying to tell myself stop with the effort, but it is so hard. He doesnt appreciate how much i have been there for him. Maybe if its gone..he'll see and he'll realize that he has made a mistake. I mean after we broke up I got two streets away before he called me and was like I am so sorry this night even happened. I am the biggest ass hole ever. You're the best girlfriend i have ever had Well sweat heart- you said it...your in the past now. Im going to be the one you let slip away....