In regards to my October 15th post:
If you'll go back just a few days in my blog, you will find an entry listing out the bad things and the good things in my life at the moment. If you take a look at it, go ahead and skim through all the "Bad", there's nothing new there, Rhianna's life is shit, blah blah blah. So you go down to the part that says, The best of the good is most definitely my new boyfriend(?). He's incredibly intelligent, witty, caring and understanding. When I first started seeing him, I opened up to him and told him a lot of things I normally wouldn't tell someone I hardly knew. I felt I had to, like I had to come with some kind of disclaimer. He works a lot, so I don't really get to see him too often, usually just on the weekends, with an occasional Wednesday visit. I love the time we spend together and it makes me feel so much better, relaxed. We have fun playing games, playing with his awesome cat and just sitting around snuggling and watching Metalocalypse and John Stewart and nerdy documentaries. Speaking of snuggling, we snuggle and make out a lot. I love it. I haven't made out and kissed someone so many times in a very long time. It makes me feel like a giddy, twitterpated schoolgirl. The sex is absolutely amazing and feels like its so much more than sex. Its more like making love. Yes, there is a difference. I get worried that I'm falling for him too hard, or that I'm being too clingy or that he doesn't feel the same way about me that I feel about him. This most likely is true, because I've fallen for him really hard. I just think that he is so awesome and has his shit together, that I don't deserve him, and that he deserves so much better than me. But, despite all my misgivings, I'm so very happy and excited about his aspect of my life.
Yeah, well, that's all gone to shit. I scared away another one with my insanity and inability to keep it to myself. So, chalk up another tally mark in the "guys who have dumped Rhianna because she's fucking nuts" column. I'm really bummed out about this. I really like him a lot and thought things were going fine. I guess I was blind. I tend to be when I'm happy. I block out everything that is shit and only see the shining light of happiness. Then the shitty things monster sneaks up behind me out of the shadows and whacks me over the head with his latest tragedy pulled from his bag of fucked up shit to ruin people's lives.
I suppose one positive thing about this is that it brings me closer to my goal in life of being a crazy old cat lady. Because right now I'm thinking I should only date cats. I'm much more compatible with them and they don't give a shit if you're crazy because the majority of them are neurotic too.
This post is dedicated to Abby. I'm going to miss you, sweetness.