Another epiphany, because of that advice.

[xxxmirai]

I always remind myself, that advice. 
I know I am not alone.  
Because there will always be someone on the other side of this door, who feels the same loneliness.
I have met people who felt alone, and I told them the same advice, and I get thanks in return.
I'm just glad I could give away that nice supportive advise to people who really needs it.

But, words are just words.
Great, I feel like I am the biggest hypocrite, because I am one.

Now that I find myself down again, I asked myself, "What did I do wrong this time again?"

I have always look up. I have always dreamed of up there.
But, how could I reach up when I am the lowest down?

I have told my sister about that advice, and they said, "you are climbing up, why did you stop halfway, and let it go again?"

I am in no way giving excuses, alright. I tried. I told you, five years of being sick.... depressed.

I am always stuck there in the middle and there are no more handles to carry myself up again.

How am I supposed to climb up when there are no more handles to help myself?
I jumped down again because I felt tired hanging up there.
I climbed up too many times, and found myself jumping down again.
Because there is nothing else I could do when the help stops there.

And now, I am just looking up there again, from the lowest down.