Oct 2011..
Hi! So, been trying to live a bit more this year.. sounds weird maybe :p but i have been trying :) The end of the year is approaching again.. surprisingly fast :0o ..
Having trouble recalling this year... well, went out on nights out alittle more :D Oh, guess what, got ill last month, horridly... weird cold, ear infection, bad throat/lost voice.. just plain ill... think the ear infection/deafness in my left ear caused my throat to go to shit..lol...thats all cleared up now thank goodness!
The ol' anxiety is still a pain in the ass.. causing me to severely shy away from things i wana do.. simple things such as going in a shop i haven't been in before, for example.. a cafe.. makes me over think how i'll be seen in them.. so in the end i don't go in.. which sounds silly as, really, its mostly me judging how they will see me.. which in reality..it will only be as as a customer, which is nothing really (in a good way)....... but also, its the customers themselves that worry me too....... ugh, i can't stand social anxiety, ruins so much of what so many other ppl find fun n stuff.
Life - struggle, as it probs is for a lot of people... i feel so self absorbed sometimes.. its not a selfish thing though, which confuses me... what depression does..n stuff... makes you 'think' sooooooooooo much... and dwell on it... cos it's all you know really.. but cos its a 'sad' thing people think its you being really selfish and mean and not trying to be happy.. when infact its actually the opposite.. for me atleast.. i HATE feeling so low and sad... but its all i can feel most of the time.. like im trapped... and there it goes again.. makes me souund self absorbed n selfish :p or is it just me? lol SOOOO CONFUSING :p Who thought trying to feel happy could be such an awkward ride?! lol
I'm one of them people who are actually full of hope.. believe it or not :p
I really hope i made some sense :)
Hope everyone else is doing well :D
Anyhow, i shall see you next year probably. judging by my recent entries.. months apart, haha!
Taataa!
xx
:D
Having trouble recalling this year... well, went out on nights out alittle more :D Oh, guess what, got ill last month, horridly... weird cold, ear infection, bad throat/lost voice.. just plain ill... think the ear infection/deafness in my left ear caused my throat to go to shit..lol...thats all cleared up now thank goodness!
The ol' anxiety is still a pain in the ass.. causing me to severely shy away from things i wana do.. simple things such as going in a shop i haven't been in before, for example.. a cafe.. makes me over think how i'll be seen in them.. so in the end i don't go in.. which sounds silly as, really, its mostly me judging how they will see me.. which in reality..it will only be as as a customer, which is nothing really (in a good way)....... but also, its the customers themselves that worry me too....... ugh, i can't stand social anxiety, ruins so much of what so many other ppl find fun n stuff.
Life - struggle, as it probs is for a lot of people... i feel so self absorbed sometimes.. its not a selfish thing though, which confuses me... what depression does..n stuff... makes you 'think' sooooooooooo much... and dwell on it... cos it's all you know really.. but cos its a 'sad' thing people think its you being really selfish and mean and not trying to be happy.. when infact its actually the opposite.. for me atleast.. i HATE feeling so low and sad... but its all i can feel most of the time.. like im trapped... and there it goes again.. makes me souund self absorbed n selfish :p or is it just me? lol SOOOO CONFUSING :p Who thought trying to feel happy could be such an awkward ride?! lol
I'm one of them people who are actually full of hope.. believe it or not :p
I really hope i made some sense :)
Hope everyone else is doing well :D
Anyhow, i shall see you next year probably. judging by my recent entries.. months apart, haha!
Taataa!
xx
:D